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Parenting Positive Kids Parenting Positive Kids

2.5 yr old violent behavior

Posted by on May. 7, 2013 at 10:31 AM
  • 8 Replies

For the past 2-3 weeks my 2.5 yr old has been swinging, throwing things, telling us he's going to "spank our butts," etc.  Not to mention screaming EVERYTHING he says all the time.  I TRY very hard not to spank because I see this as a vicious cycle.  He thinks it's okay to hit when he's spanked.  I mean, duh.  DH disagrees.  He thinks he's getting away with these things because I'm not spanking him.  I see a VERY clear connection to an increase in his behavior when he's spanked.  But honestly he is pushing me to my limits.  Screaming, throwing toys at me, telling me "NO!  It's NOT YOURS!" If I take things away from him.  I've been a sahm pretty much his whole life.  I was working part time for awhile (mainly in the evenings when DH was home.) until the store I was working at closed down.  Since then I've been home full time.  I don't want to put him in daycare but I'm afraid I'm going to snap if we don't get this problem worked out pretty soon.  Not to mention it's putting a strain on my relationship with dh because of the disagreement in approach.  

Everyone says, "Don't spank."  Okay, fine.  But I need some alternatives.  I've tried time out (he won't stay put), taking "quiet time" in his room, taking away toys, etc.  Nothing seems to have any impact on him.  I'm at a loss.  Help. 

by on May. 7, 2013 at 10:31 AM
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Replies (1-8):
butzi
by Member on May. 9, 2013 at 11:59 AM
Have you tried talking to his doctor?
supermillerMom
by on May. 9, 2013 at 11:52 PM
No. He has his next well child in a couple weeks. If things haven't calmed down I'll definitely bring it up.
butzi
by Member on May. 11, 2013 at 1:10 AM

the other thing that I was thinking about ... how different is this? Before was he a little aggressive or totally calm? Are there other people in your home who could be inadvertently modeling this behavior... older siblings, husband maybe even you  without meaning to? I know that sometimes in the heat of the moment people say things that they don't intend to say, but our little guys may have trouble  figuring it all out... just a thought


Roo1234
by on May. 12, 2013 at 10:25 AM

I would check out ahaparenting.com to find better tactics and methods.  They take a lot more effort and practice, but it is worth it.

raschwittay
by on May. 13, 2013 at 7:53 AM
My soon is doing that to. He is three. He has been hitting. Screaming. And not chilling his temper. Every time he flips out I put him into his screaming chair. Of he throws an attitude. He goes there. Then I explain why that reaction is not tolerated. He will understand in time
supermillerMom
by on May. 14, 2013 at 8:41 AM
This was a total 180° from his normal behavior. Of course he had typical meltdowns from time to time when he didn't get his way or he was tired, but the threats were new.

Dh and I are very good about watching our mouths. I attribute it to the few times he had been spanked in the previous weeks. Because instead of just throwing his usual tantrums and crying he was threatening to spank ME when he didn't get his way. Dh actually said one day, "You don't spank us! We spank YOU!" When I heard how ridiculous that sounded I knew we had to change things.



Quoting butzi:

the other thing that I was thinking about ... how different is this? Before was he a little aggressive or totally calm? Are there other people in your home who could be inadvertently modeling this behavior... older siblings, husband maybe even you  without meaning to? I know that sometimes in the heat of the moment people say things that they don't intend to say, but our little guys may have trouble  figuring it all out... just a thought


supermillerMom
by on May. 14, 2013 at 8:54 AM
This past week I've resolved myself to absolutely no spanking. Dh has done it, too, which is odd because I didn't tell him that was my plan. But I think he saw the connection between spanking him and the words ds was using when he got angry.

I have always told him to go sit in his room until he calms down, can be nice, apologizes, whatever. He hates it. But if he gets very upset he will take himself to either his room or my bed, cry for about 30 secs, then come out and say he feels better. Then I process the situation with him. "Ok, can you apologize? We can't go outside/have ice cream/watch George right now. But after dinner we can..." This week has.definitely been better than last week.


Quoting raschwittay:

My soon is doing that to. He is three. He has been hitting. Screaming. And not chilling his temper. Every time he flips out I put him into his screaming chair. Of he throws an attitude. He goes there. Then I explain why that reaction is not tolerated. He will understand in time
butzi
by Member on May. 16, 2013 at 7:15 AM
Sounds like things are going better! That's great! Sometimes we all just need a little time and spce to gain a little clarity on the situation. I bet if you and your husband are able to stay consistent things will continue to improve!
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