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Parenting Positive Kids Parenting Positive Kids

Why do so many women choose to be an ignorant parent?

Posted by on Jul. 1, 2013 at 3:50 PM
  • 18 Replies

I don't understand why so many women in general as well as here on CM choose to be largely or even completely ignorant when it comes to parenting. If you have a baby then you have a responsibility to educate yourself about parenting and child development to be best able to help that child achieve healthy, happy and responsible adulthood. It seems to me that many of them simply do not have any understanding of child development and then are surprised when their child approaches two and they haven't a clue as to how to parent that two-year-old. Then there are the ones with four and five-year-olds that have done no research into schooling, etc.

Am I the only one that believes that when we have children we have an obligation, I would say a sacred one, to be the very best parents we can be? I'm not saying anyone is, or should be expected to be a "perfect" mother but when someone has a two-year-old and is asking questions here on CM for which even a bit of very cursory research would supply answers, what exactly is their problem? I am not referring here to someone seeking the advice or input of other mothers for reference, or help in the moment, or when despite their best efforts they are having a specific problem or a disagreement in how to parent with a partner or their own parent. What I am addressing, for instance, is someone with a child approaching the age of two that had absolutely no idea what this phase means in terms of the growth and development in a human child and then they have the nerve to complain about the "terrible twos" as though it's their child's fault that they didn't bother to learn anything at all to help them to help their child through the challenge of the transition from infancy to toddlerhood.

by on Jul. 1, 2013 at 3:50 PM
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Replies (1-10):
TheBabyFactory4
by Bronze Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 3:23 PM
O_o
dusky_rose
by Sue on Jul. 3, 2013 at 5:25 PM

Vent away mama!


raschwittay
by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 7:07 PM

I am sure most mama's know or have an idea of what to do. But, most go on here to get attention or other perspectives on how to do it.

Rushn311
by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 10:13 PM

slapping forehead I tend to ignore

countrygirlkat
by Bronze Member on Jul. 4, 2013 at 1:48 AM

I guess I am not sure exactly what your post refers to but I would say that if somebody comes here for information or advice about stages then that is a good start to them learning things.  While books and research are definitely a good thing learning from other mothers is a nice thing to do as well.

GaleJ
by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 4:47 AM

I am sorry if I seemed rather vague and cranky. I was cranky as a result of a post I had seen in another group and was trying not to be too specific and directly connect to the post. Basically it was a woman who was looking for additional ways to punish a child around two who, when left "alone," with a younger sibling was doing things that might hurt the baby. She had already done time outs and spankings and was hell bent to paint the child as a problem. She didn't specify what leaving these two babies alone meant, whether she was in another room or what, but she seemed to have no clue that she should not have ever left a two-year-old alone to say nothing of leaving both the two-year-old and an even younger baby together and without any supervision. 

It upset me greatly that a child would be punished in any way, let alone with being spanked, for the obliviousness of the mother since in my opinion to leave children of that age unsupervised for even a very short time is irresponsible.

Quoting countrygirlkat:

I guess I am not sure exactly what your post refers to but I would say that if somebody comes here for information or advice about stages then that is a good start to them learning things.  While books and research are definitely a good thing learning from other mothers is a nice thing to do as well.



mrswillie
by Silver Member on Jul. 4, 2013 at 9:25 AM

 hmmmmm...

la_bella_vita
by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 9:43 AM

 We all have our own way of parenting.

GwenMB
by Member on Jul. 4, 2013 at 12:38 PM

As you said, you don't know what she meant by "leaving the child alone" with a younger sibling.  I also don't think that leaving two young children unsupervised for even a short time is automatically irresponsible.  I remember when my boys were 22 months & 1 month & I wondered how the 1 month old had red eyes & then I caught the 22 month old poking him in the eye.  I obviously left them "unsupervised" for a very short time (likely turned my back for a few seconds to get something) which allowed this to happen.  You may want to call that irresponsible, but I know I was doing the best I could at that point & that it didn't happen again after I caught the 22 mo doing it.  I didn't punish him, though, just made sure, to the best of my ability, that he didn't have the chance to do so.  He also started loving his little brother around that same time & stopped wanting to hurt him.  Or maybe he'd just checked out his little brother's eyes at that point & didn't need to anymore.

I also think that not everyone is educated in how to research things or knows about classes or books etc.  Which is why, when I see someone struggling to figure it out, I point them to resources.

I really do my best to not criticize other mothers IRL or on the internet.  We are all doing the best we can with what we have. Not everyone is blessed with a good childhood (which gives us tools to raise our own children) or the ability to research or find classes or even a good support network.

elasmimi
by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 1:28 PM

exactly

Quoting countrygirlkat:

I guess I am not sure exactly what your post refers to but I would say that if somebody comes here for information or advice about stages then that is a good start to them learning things.  While books and research are definitely a good thing learning from other mothers is a nice thing to do as well.


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