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Parenting Positive Kids Parenting Positive Kids

22 month old cute little devil - bullying others!

Posted by on Aug. 5, 2014 at 10:00 AM
  • 2 Replies

Hello!

Ok. So I have a beautiful 22 month old girl named Arabella. This child is extremely smart, she's really strong, and very coordinated for her age. People are amazed by how well she can speak.....combining up to three and four words quite often and using these short phrases in correct context! She's also very loving, active, creative, and loves music/singing!

However.......she's extremely aggressive and often a bully to children her age and younger! She knows what 'No' means, she knows what it means to hurt someone, she knows what owey means, and so on. Regardless, she seriously is mean to children sometimes. 

Example: We went to a really nice park in town yesterday and there were kids of all ages. The first little girl she came upon I recognized from the Y. She walked up to her and grabbed her face with both hands - hard - while scrathing at the same time. Of course, i got her and softly, with a concerned voice, said No. Be nice! A little while later she must've done something rough to a little boy, but I didn't see any part of it, and no one said anything. A little while later she did something like this to a different little girl but I just cought the end. A few minutes later she went up to that same girl. I was on my way over as I saw Arabella headed towards that girl, as I knew she was at it again. I was a few seconds late. She gave this other little girl a two handed shove, then grabbed this girls hair and yanked hard but wouldn't let go right away. I swooped in and grabbed Arabella and, obviously more firm, scolded her with the no, be nice, you can't give oweys! This time I took her away and made her sit with me for about 10 minutes. I usually flick her had when she uses her hands to hurt others but now I'm wondering if that's a good idea as it seems to not phase her. 
I wonder if it might be reinforcing the bad behavior.... ?!?!

This was all an example, but this is how it is every time she is with smaller childrem - her age and younger. She's usually sneaky about it to as she'll say "Hug", and go in for a hug but then pinch, hit, pull hair, or scratch! I'm at my wits end with this because she's still quite young for most discipline, and I feel like the other parents are looking at me like I'm not doing my job! In fact, the dad of the little girl at the park said "she's mean"! I couldn't say anything much in return as......he is right! I simply said I'm sorry!

Is there any moms on here who can give me some advice......reassure me that this is a phase.....something?

My now 6 year old was never this bad!!! 

by on Aug. 5, 2014 at 10:00 AM
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Replies (1-2):
suetoo
by New Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 8:37 AM

Never, ever smack her. Never. And calmly and consistently tell her no one likes to play with a mean bully and make her sit isolated, by herself, not too near you even for increasingly longer times as nec. Reiterate if she can't play without pinching, pushing, grabbing, shoving, slapping, scratching....well you get the point, be specific, not just saying mean, which is too subjective for a toddler, then she can't play. She understands way more than you think she does. Make her time out long enough to be painful as she watches everyone else play. Watch for meltdown cues and then say now you can play. Watch for naughty behavior, identify it to her, isolate, repeat as nec. She's smart, she'll catch on and grow out of it. Tell her it's unacceptable and won't be allowed. You can remind her once if you can head off a bad behavior, and clearly identify the bad behavior and consequence. And ALWAYS follow through with the consequence. Don't repeat yourself, don't allow her to whine or promise her way out of the punishment. Good luck!

Caseri
by Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 5:05 PM

This is very similar to what we do now. I can't make her sit by herself at the park yet because, at 22 months old, she just gets up and runs back to play. She wasn't happy to sit with me for the 10 minutes that day. All she wanted was to play! We are just continuing to encourage good behavior and redirect her from the bad. She knows what she's doing too so........it's kind of irritating! She often says "hit the baby" (because she has done this_, so we say hug the baby, or be nice to baby, or hit the ball. I try to ignore it when she says "hit the baby" as to not give her attention when saying this. If she says mommy first and looks at me, trying to get me to listen, then I redirect the thoughts! I'm hoping it will pass soon!


Quoting suetoo:

Never, ever smack her. Never. And calmly and consistently tell her no one likes to play with a mean bully and make her sit isolated, by herself, not too near you even for increasingly longer times as nec. Reiterate if she can't play without pinching, pushing, grabbing, shoving, slapping, scratching....well you get the point, be specific, not just saying mean, which is too subjective for a toddler, then she can't play. She understands way more than you think she does. Make her time out long enough to be painful as she watches everyone else play. Watch for meltdown cues and then say now you can play. Watch for naughty behavior, identify it to her, isolate, repeat as nec. She's smart, she'll catch on and grow out of it. Tell her it's unacceptable and won't be allowed. You can remind her once if you can head off a bad behavior, and clearly identify the bad behavior and consequence. And ALWAYS follow through with the consequence. Don't repeat yourself, don't allow her to whine or promise her way out of the punishment. Good luck!


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