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Forgiveness (long sorry)

Posted by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 6:40 PM
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Here's a little bit of a back story on my situation...

When I was born, my biological father was in jail for statutory rape(he was 19 and cheated on my mom, who was 16, with a 14 year old girl). When he got out, he never wanted anything to do with me, and never even paid ANY child support for me. And my mom moved with me to Arizona when I was around a year old. He never tried to maintain contact. I never knew him, and I was raised by my step-dad(who is my "daddy") since I was daddy is the greatest dad ever, and I love him so much.

When I was 16, my mom was really messed up on drugs and when I tried to make an intervention she kicked me out. I moved in with my best friend, and things were going very well. I was working and still in school. When my working permit expired, I needed $40 so that I could get it renewed and so I asked my grandma, but she didn't have it, but told me to try to call my biological father to see if he'd help me out. She found his number(she kept contact with one of my uncles) and I called him...he was living in Massachusetts(I lived in Connecticut at the time) and asked if I'd like to spend a weekend with him, so I figured I'd give him a chance even though I grew up hating him for not wanting me. I spent the weekend with him and then he wanted me to come with him to Puerto Rico for a week for vacation...I told him I couldn't because of school, since if you get 10 absences in 1 year, they fail you...regardless. He convinced me to go, and he brought me here and dropped me off at my grandparents' house and 3 days later went back to Mass. He literally abandoned me grandpa was never at the house because he had another house on an island off of the main island and was also a dentist there...and my grandma has Alzheimer's. I had to live with them and no help and obviously, I couldn't get into school since nobody had custody of me and I couldn't get any help. A month later, I met my now husband...he started taking care of me...he would buy me clothes and stuff since I had only packed a small suitcase when I came out here since I was only supposed to be here a week...he would take me to get groceries and he made sure I had the things I needed. He tried to register me in school, but nobody would let him. My "dad" came back a year later and his wife and 2 kids moved in with us. He wouldn't let me go back, and he hated my now husband...He was an alcoholic and he would always lie to me about things to try to get money from me or Emilio(my now husband). When I turned 18, my mom had been clean for a year and had just gotten custody of my sister again and she bought me a ticket to go and visit her. I stayed there for almost a month and I came back because of Emilio...I loved him and we'd been together for 2 years and I was happy...well, I came back and my "dad" refused to let me go in the house. He told me that I was supposed to stay in CT and not come back and that I would have to live with Emilio because he didn't want to take care of me anymore. He wouldn't even let me pick up my things...he said he'd "mail them to me." (I got them one day while he was working.) I moved in with Emilio and have lived here since. Since I was 18, I was able to put myself in a program to get my high school diploma,

About 2 1/2 years ago, his wife left him, but I keep in contact with her. She got tired of his lying and cheating and drinking and moved on. He got another girlfriend and had the nerve to show up at our home last year to try and impress her and act like he was a good father. After that I sent him an email to get him out of my life...I want nothing to do with him. I told him if he ever shows up here again, I'll call the police...he's not welcome.

Well, now I'm a little over 23 weeks pregnant, and he doesn't know, nor do I want him to know. My "dad's" ex-wife called me to tell me she got the invitation for my baby shower and asked if I was inviting my "dad". I was honest and told her "No. And I don't want him to even know I'm pregnant. I'd rather not have him in my life, or my daughter's. We don't need that." And she said that I'm going to be a mother now, and I have to learn to forgive him...but I don't want to forgive him. I want nothing to do with him, and I don't want him in my life, or my daughter's. And frankly, my husband wants nothing to do with him either. She says that I'm being too harsh.

Do you think I am? I honestly don't think I am...I mean the man has literally done NOTHING for me but screw up my life.

I'm just looking for opinions...

due in december Pictures, Images and Photos

pregnancy due date
by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 6:40 PM
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Replies (1-5):
by Group Head Admin on Aug. 7, 2010 at 7:02 PM

Personally I think you have already given him a chance. And I think you need to protect your daughter, like you said. If it were me, I would make the same decision you have.  I'm sorry you have gone through all of that, it is quit the story. :-(

by on Aug. 7, 2010 at 8:59 PM

I'm with Rolis. You gave him many chances to change the situation and he just seems to be stuck in the same situation. I wouldn't want a grandpa who isn't stable for my child,it isn't safe for them or you. I say you do what your heart tells you to do sweetie. I wish you luck and I'm sorry that you have been thur a lot. Also,your husband is a total keeper. :)

by Head Admin on Aug. 8, 2010 at 2:24 PM

 Sounds like she is someone to drop all contact with as well. She may even tell your *dad* that you are pregnant. People these days are so mean and will do things to hurt others. Who knows she may one day visit you and get pics of your LO and give them to your dad. Not saying it would happen but people are crazy!

Anyways I say its not to harsh! You gave him a change. You went with him to another country and he left you there. Then came with another gf to impress her. You kicked him out of your life do NOT let him back in. He could start to think that this will be how it always is. that you will let him back in and he could start to take advantage of you. I say your better off without him!!

Gotta say you have a great husband! I wish more men were like emilio!

by on Aug. 11, 2010 at 12:44 AM

I just want to give you a big ol hug!  WOW!  What a story.  I have no idea what to say, but I think the girls are right.  He's had his chance - more than once - and he didn't man up.  The idea that his ex left him and is now sticking up for him is puzzling. 

Your husband sounds like a great guy and he is gonna be a great dad! 

Hugs...hugs...and more hugs for you.

by on Aug. 14, 2010 at 9:26 PM

 I think that I would do the same thing that you are doing! There is no way that I would want anything to do with him either!

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