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Working Mommy Guilt (PIOG)

Posted by on Mar. 16, 2010 at 11:57 AM
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I've got it bad....My son is 2.5 and every evening I come home and he just clings to me.  I can't do anything, I can't talk to my husband, do chores around the house NOTHING or my son cries and whines.  I get really frustrated and annoyed with the whining and my frustration just seems to perpetuate his behavior.  Last night was really bad and I started to cry.  My son came over to me and through tears and huffs he said "what are you doing mommy?"  I told him I was crying too and he started to bawl and kept repeating "I sorry mommy, I sorry."  My precious, sweet little man, apologizing to me :(

I remember when I had to return to work after maternity leave.  I felt awful and it was like an instinct, like there was this invisible tether that would only let me get so far away from my son.  When I had to leave him I was devastated and I couldn't really vocalize how I was feeling.  I felt like I was going against my instinct.  Every bit of my being wanted me to stay right there with my child.  I often think that his behavior in the evenings is based on that very same instinct in him.  I have this adult brain that I can rationalize with and I understand that I have no choice, but I know he doesn't understand.  I wish there was a way to let him know that I understand that he doesn't want me to be gone everyday and I don't want to be, but this is simply the way things have to be.  I love him so much and it breaks my heart to think that he is feeling the same instinctive feeling about being with me that I feel, and the same frustration of not being able to follow that instinct.

This was mostly a vent I guess, but I would love to hear from you.  If you have advice or similar experience or anything that might cheer me up today.

Thanks ladies!


I'm doing it for him




 




 

by on Mar. 16, 2010 at 11:57 AM
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Replies (1-4):
oboe_chik
by Group Owner on Mar. 16, 2010 at 1:57 PM
1 mom liked this

Its ok mama! We understand. I think every kid goes through a mommy attached phase. My son has by far been the worst. He will kick and scream and cry when I leave but 5 min after im out the door he is fine. 

Just keep letting him know that you will come back and everything is fine. Try getting him interested in something in the evenings...that might help too.


Did you or are you working full time, juggling kids, a career and who knows what else? If so click on the picture to share your stories!

imagineif
by New Member on Apr. 2, 2010 at 2:13 PM

Awwh my heart broke when I read this. I actually just got teary eyed. Partly because I know how your heart feels when it happens. I haven't gone threw the stage yet of my daughter crying when I leave but I know its coming and its on its way. All I can tell you is that they can feel when you hurt inside and somehow you have to dig really really deep to reassure yourself that it is going to be ok. I know its hard to be apart its so hard to. I drop my daughter off at day care and there are so many days I just want to stay and play with her but I try to tell myself that she needs friends and she will go and play for the day and then she can come home and be with momma and daddy and we will do it all over the next day. It helps a little but I think the worst thing to do is to show your son that you are hesitant to be apart from him he will see and feel that and feed off the negative feelings and feel insecurity from it all. If you feel good and you have that positive feeling that he is just going to play and you'll be back I think he will feel that and will be self assured that you really are coming back and that things will be ok. You have to believe that it will be ok and then he will be. Be strong we are the do it all Momma's and there's no body on this earth stronger!! :)

christinabri
by New Member on Jun. 10, 2010 at 6:33 PM

I hear ya! I did not want to go back to work after my dd was born.  I still have days that I wish and pray I could stay home and watch her grow and change!  I do like working (for the first time in my life I have both a job I like with management that I also like), but I miss my dd SO much most days.  I go to my MIL's everyday for lunch and see her, but it's hard to go back to work!  lol 

Momyplease
by Member on Sep. 11, 2012 at 6:39 PM

I completely understand your feelings. That's how it was for me when my son was that age and I had to be the bread winner for the family. But what I did when I got home the first thing was to  grab him putt him right beside me on the counter where I was preparing dinner and gave him something to munch on like a carrot or celery. And I would tell him about my day not completely but just basically and even made up a funny  story for him to laugh about. Then I would ask about his day and he would carry on  with the broken words and I would asked him to help me because i was just so tired and I missed him so much.He would help me taking the trash out. OF courts he just held the corner of the beg. Then we would eat dinner and I let him watch his favorite cartoon before bed..When we gone to bed he was worn out so he fall a sleep.Then I had some time to myself.. I felt that we communicated our feeling toward each other well so it made me feel a tiny bit better for being away all day long.But don't forget we must do what we have to , to keep our family a float.  And no amount of instinct or guiot will replace a paycheck. At list I felt that I am able to support my family and my son is safe and happy. Now he is 6 years old and I take him  to work with me sometimes to show him what mommy does. He understands that being a chef  is a hard work and I do it all for him. He is one sweetheart baby boy.He is there to putt a smile on my face every time I Have a frown.


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