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really angry

Posted by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 9:55 AM
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Well, ok, first let me so how glad I am this group is here.  Hello ladies.

I am 31.  I have 2 boys (1 and 5). I am married to a pretty great guy .. we will celebrate our 8th wedding anniv. this year.  I have been in school 3 years working on my BA in Interior Design. My DH works full time, and I just took up a part time job to have money to put away or maybe occasionally go on a date togther...  We do not have a lot of financial debt, we just don't make a lot of money doing what we do. (Hence me going to school for a career). We  live in a 2 bedroom apartment that is old and small but we really cant afford anything better...

We always wanted 2 kids, and we worked hard on it.  Between my 2 sons we had 3 miscarriages.  We were giving up after the third, and my 2nd son was a wonderful surprise. After him, we knew we didn't want more.  My DH was going to get the snip snip this summer, so unitl then we used condoms (pills and IUD are not an option).

Well...  I'd heard it could happen, but I always though people were lying..lol.  But.. here I am.  Pregnant because I had unprotected sex on my period.

I am really upset. This complicates so many things.  I can barely manage school now (we dont have enough for day care, and no family/ friends that are able to help enough) .. I am really worried I wont be able to with this new arrival.  I really dont want to quit school.. but I cant quit my job, and certainly cant quit my family.  I am already in part time, if I cut down anymore I will lose my financial aid.

Ug!  Plus, I just had a baby 15 months ago!  I am not ready to feeling like crap again, to get all huge again...  give birth again!  I didnt want to do any of this! I got rid of everything!

The worst is that, we arent even really 100% sure this baby will make it...  so I could be all pissed about nothing..  but would it be bad for me to not feel sad if I lose it?  Sometimes I just want to stop taking my progesterone, but I would feel like a murderer if I miscarried because of it.  Grrr.. this sucks.  I WANT to be happy, but my whole life is upside down right now..

I am so confused.   So ..  I dont even know.  Feeling very alone.

And if I hear anyone say it happens for a reason i am gonna strangle them!

 

by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 9:55 AM
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VelvetCat
by New Member on Apr. 19, 2010 at 11:58 AM

I know this sounds very negative.  I'm just still dealing with shock. This baby is welcome..  it is and just very scary right now. I want to be happy that I am pregnant, and sometimes I kind of am..  I feel really bad that I cant be more excited.. :(

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