Hi! So I'm Peruvian.. just gave birth to my first baby about a month ago & i'm going insane. I live with my parents & sister (who has 3 kids) and of course EVERYONE wants to tell me what to do with my son. Whether it's the way i burp him, or feed him, put him to sleep, what he wears.. I mean it's everything!! They always have something to say & a way to "nicely" tell me i'm messing up. As if 3 people weren't enough, my mom babysits my brother's baby so when he drops off & picks up my nephew i hear crap from him too! Now, i always criticised my sister for saying "my kids-my problem" rudely to my parents because yess.. yess.. they just wanna help, but now that it's my turn & feel this immense urge to be even more rude. Any tips on handling this so that they understand & back off without causing WW3? Thanksss
If it was my parents I would tell them, I really appreciate the advice and that you are trying to help. I am however starting to get overwhelmed by it all and I really need you to stop. I know that you love and support me and this child and when I need help you will be the first person I ask, but I need to figure it out myself.
Tell them that you know they are just trying to help but that unless you are doing something or not doing something that could seriously harm your child that they need to back off and let you learn on your own. Occasional words or wisdom or advice are fine but lecturing you on everyday basic things has got to stop.
Quoting RainyRain:
Welcome to motherhood, my oldest is Five and I still hear "advises" on how to raise my boys. I don't know why people do that. =/
Don't take it personally, I am sure they don't mean it in a bad way. I use to get more advises when my boys where infants. At times I would get irritated but I have learned to pretend to listen, say thanks and carry on with my own parenting skills.
Exactly so whenever u do actually ask for some of there help they wont be so bitter towards you sayin stuff like" when I offered to help...blah blah blah." Know what I mean? Goodluck.
Here's what I did when people got to forward with "helpful advice": Oh is that how you did it? That's great. Good thing your kids are grown huh? Oh is that how you would do it? Well this actually isn't your kid, so...back off. Now, I'm rude when it comes to this sort of thing, because after awhile, when I've made it clear that I'm doing it my way, I expect people to shut the fuck up. You may have an opinion, you may not force it on me.
Politely tell them that one day, they will not be there to help you so you need to learn how to do it yourself right now. That way, when you make your own mistakes they will be there and you will ask for help. But you will never learn if they don't let you.
Not sure if they will listen though. *hugs*
share birthdays??
- NColle.Sca
on Apr. 14, 2012 at 7:16 AM