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MAMAS LATINAS MAMAS LATINAS

white women+hispanic men=passionate crazy relationship

Posted by on Jun. 7, 2012 at 10:56 PM
  • 15 Replies
1 mom liked this

i sometimes think i am going crazy by how my husband and i act. one day i don't think we are going to make it and the next i love him to pieces....i never once put our "color" into it until a good friend of mine said something that made me think bout it.

im not trying to be rude to anyone or start anything, i'm just confused and i apologize ahead of time if my questions are not politically correct.

in the mexican culture is there something to be said about hispanic men and white women?

why do i get glared at in public with him? i didn't do anything to you and you don't know us so why the look?

are you in a relationship like mine?

are all hispanic men a little posessive and controlling over their kids...i say little lightly, there are times i want to smack him regarding his "rules" about our 4 yo daughter.

i'm trying really hard to learn spanish, he doesn't know it, but i need it for my job and i want our kids to be bilingual. i call our daughter mija, my husband says its embaressing and offensive because i'm trying to hard, am i?

lately i've just been feeling really disconnected from him and he keeps telling me it's because we were raised different. everywhere we go, he says people look at us and discriminate, i think he is ready to jump anyone but he says i'm just oblivious and ignorant. does race really have to do with e v e r y t h i n g?

can any of you give me any advice?

thanks in advance

by on Jun. 7, 2012 at 10:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
momma_814
by Zayra-Mexicana on Jun. 8, 2012 at 10:25 AM
Not sure what it is, but when I got with Dh his grandma was really happy. She said I knew my Tommy would marry a good Mexican women. Huh? She said all her other grandkids married out of their race and she really wanted some of her great grandkids to be full Mexican. Also all except one of my FIL's brothers married white women. I see nothing wrong with it. I would ask
them they're all divorced now. I say if you love eachother don't let the stares get you down.
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boricua3177
by Member on Jun. 8, 2012 at 11:10 AM

 

I'm not Mexican, I am Puerto Rican but I am married to a black man. So my perspective may or may not help you. ;-)  My parents are from the old school mindset and they were slightly disappointed that none of their children married Latinos.  I think most ols school Latinos would like to see their children & grandchildren marry within the same culture and keep the culture alive.  The Latino culture is valued highly within Latino families.  Marrying within your culture is viewed as an insurance policy, so to speak, that the cutlture will be kept alive.  I really don't care if I see Latino men with women of different races, mainly because I married outside my own race as well.  However, I have gotten glares from black girls when my husband and I are out in public with our daughter.  I guess people of all makes & models do it?  :shrugs:

I did have to comment on your boyfriend finding it embarrassing when you call your daughter "mija" and try to speak Spanish.  I know for sure that I would roll my eyes if I witnessed something like that.  Especially if your daughter isn't his and is not part Latina, it comes off as someone trying to be something they are not.  There's nothing wrong with learning Spanish but there is a fine line between becoming bi-lingual & trying too hard to be Latina.  You might just want to work on your Spanish between you & your boyfriend, but don't do it in public - I think that's why he gets embarrassed.

But in all reality, the only people that matter in your relationship is you two.  Forget anybody else...

ETA:  Oops, I somehow misread & thought he was your boyfriend instead of husband.  Sorry!

 

 

~Monica~


First time mom to Giselle (04/08/11)


 

kissykissy3
by Member on Jun. 8, 2012 at 1:12 PM

i married a man from colombia and of all his family and friends he is the only one to marry outside his nationality (im white/american)       i also get alotta stares and 'snickering' when we go to colombian festivals and concerts with our 3 kids.    i just ignore those buut it does bother me that his fam does not support our relationship and none of his friedns understand. i think most couples in a relationship where they are 'diff' from each other this happens.   my dh is not really possesive of our kids, but he is over-protective.  i speak spanish enough (i live in miami for yrs) and i pick and choose who to speak with and when not to. i call my boys nino but not hijo, i call them baby or corazon...   also its very hard to be with someone who was raised totally diff from you, and sometimes it can get in the way of your relationship but when you have love resect and understanding for each other it wont end your relationship.

Birdie100
by Member on Jun. 8, 2012 at 1:21 PM

My husband is from Mexico and over all they are very dominating and want things their way.  In MY experience Mexican guys I know say they are with Caucasian women because they listen to them more and do as they say.  Again this is only MY experience and what the friends of my husband have said.  People sometimes stare no matter what I say do your thing and don't read into it.  If you give it your attention then you give it life.  As far as your daughter again yes Mexican men have very strong beliefs and you along with your husband have to come up with decisions together since your daughter has two parents. Good luck!

NADIA-R
by NADIA on Jun. 8, 2012 at 1:31 PM
1 mom liked this

 I'm not in your situationI'm Mexican and also my DH but I really don't see why people should have a problem with it. If any I think white people would. my DH nephew (27) dates a blond, blue eyes girl she is totally white and he is Mexican. when people ask them are you dating they laugh and say yes why? most people don't care. I guess it all depends on how you see it you should ignore people like that. if anything is said about a Mexican married to a blond woman or white is that he is cool LOL that he is trying to better up the race seriously we don't see anything wrong with it. And if you want to learn Spanish good thumbs up for you it never hurts to know another language and practice makes perfect so if you talk one or two words in Spanish good. I know many white people who I had no idea they spoke Spanish I think of them as good people.

sophiesmom07
by on Jun. 8, 2012 at 2:28 PM

Just out of curiosity, what state are you in?    I really don't notice couples of mixed race, it's just not a big deal.   I'm not in your situation, but I have actually witnessed the opposite, (which is actually just as ignorant .) I have a cousin who's wife is white and my family seems quite impressed.   I notice this a lot actually. 

I think it's really nice of you to try to lean Spanish .  There's nothing embarrassing about practicing a new language. Your daughter is half Latina after all. It makes sense for you to want to learn and help her lean as well.  

kgmmw
by Kimberly-US/Mex on Jun. 8, 2012 at 4:34 PM

Girl I get the same looks when Im in public with my husband. I cannot stand it, Im thinking do I have a booger hanging out my nose or do you think my man is hot? lol I have been married to my husband for 9 yrs and yes we have different cultures but we still love each other. I hope your relationship gets better with yours. 

karladiego
by Karla on Jun. 8, 2012 at 4:44 PM

To start with, most hispanic men are old school, which means they think you alone are supposed to take care of the home and the children while they just work and provide and sometimes even when you work full time you have to still do all the cleaning, cooking and taking care of children, which is not fair in my opinion.

Unfortunately, in hispanic countries and I do tell this from my point of view and my country there is the raising of men being served on hand and foot by moms, aunts, grandmas while women are taught to be moms, cooks, etc and also have a career, it is a bit of double confusing message there.

Now, I am hispanic and married to a white guy...we have gotten people telling me I shoud've stayed within my race, which is pretty ignorant. I have gotten people trying to hook me up with other hispanic men even though they know I am married, which is very inappropriate and tacky. I usually don't care, I usually don't give a crap what people have to say about my relationship.

Now, another point...I really don't like the way he says things to you, nothing wrong for wanting to learn spanish, I wish my hubby would like to but he's lazy lol. Also, why calling you oblivious and ignorant?? I would say he's the one having the racial problem and not you and you need to put a stop to it, he may not be hitting you but he is being abusive verbally for what you're writing on here and the way he says things. He is the one who needs to get over it!!


dinahrp
by Dinah on Jun. 8, 2012 at 5:04 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm half Mexican and half German.  I grew up speaking Spanish and all that.  However, my mother made the conscious decision that I would not be raised the traditional Mexican way she was.  She said I would have my own voice, my own will, I would be educated and I was not born to be a servant.  That she did.  My husband is full Mexican born and raised in Mexico, came here in his 20's.  I love him to pieces.  But, his family and sometimes he does too, have a hard time w/ my independent ways.  They think I should aside from having my own career, business and 4 kids wait on him hand and foot.  I cook for him and stuff, but he is a grown man that was blessed w/ 2 hands and can do a lot for himself.  Sometimes he does try to pull that "I'm the boss attitude" w/ me.  At first we fought because he felt I had to ask his permission to go to the store or to my mom's or whatever.  I let him know real quick that I am my own independent person and God blessed me w/ my perfectly capable brain and I could decide for myself.  He would also try to control little stupid things like perhaps try to talk to me like his brothers speak to their wives.  I told him if divorced I could still financially support me and my kids, I have no reason to put up w/ that.  Also w/ our daughters, I really push school.  His family doesn't think it's important.  That girls need to learn to be housewives and satisfy their men.  I tell my girls they need to be happy, they are not here for the pleasure of anyone.  And as ironic and stupid as this is, at the same time they all say he married up.  He got the best of both worlds because I look white, have green eyes, got that degree and still have a little of the Mexican culture.  I am very family oriented and hard working.  I just don't agree w/ a lot of the stupid yes stupid traditions my mother and grandmother were raised by.  My grandmother was not allowed to say anything, I mean nothing.   Her husband abused her, raped her, neglected her, did not provide for his children, cheated on her in her face and lots of other things.  She was taught as a woman you shut up and stand by your man.  Her purpose in life was to make sure she pleased him in everything.  Even when he was wrong.   I feel like her whole life was wated on a man that was scum. 

So sorry for getting away from the subject.  We do have a passionate love hate relationship.  He is 12 yrs older than me and we do get stares in public.  I look white.  But honestly, we don't care. 

octobermommy210
by on Jun. 8, 2012 at 7:32 PM

I think u and your DH are making it way too much about race.As long as there is love between u guys it doesn't matter how u were raised if anything u can enrich each other with the differant ways u were raised.You both decided to be together cuz u love each other right? To all the glares from people "eat your heart out!' you share a beautiful interracial love with the man u love! As far as your DH being possessive and controlling now that may have to do with his mexican background.In my family the dads are very cautious with their daughters.In most traditonal mexican homes the girls are to be treated like queens as little girls as u said the're the mijitas,then as a teen,the senorita(hence the quincinera)then as a woman La reyna,the woman  who runs the houseand to be treated with the upmost respect. I think its a beautiful thing you want to learn espanol but maybe wait till you're fluent to speak it infront of your DH. He loves u either way,you don't have to try to relate to him thru his "language". But big kudos learning and teaching your kids to be bilingual. Hope u guys work it out,you both chose to be in this relationship and as a interracial couple there are sadly consequences with it.But I'M old fashioned I guess but true love always prevails.GOOD LUCK! Oh.P.S. I am a mexican american married to a german lovely man for 17 yrs.and going strong!!!

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