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MAMAS LATINAS MAMAS LATINAS

Need advice

Posted by on Jun. 11, 2012 at 2:39 PM
  • 12 Replies
Hi Ladies, my POS donor flaked on my Son today :( AGIAN! And well DS always wants to go with his Daddy. I'm so lost for words to tell my DS when he asks if his Daddy is coming or if he is going to call or when he doesn't answer the phone calls when DS calls. And when DS tells me randomly "I want to go with Daddy" I just don't know what to say!?? These last two months or so have been so hard bc he NEVER calls to say "I'm going to pick him up" I am the one ALWAYS calling to see if he is going to pick him up. ? Have any of you ever been in this situation? If so what would you say and do? I'd also like to add that when DS says "I want my Daddy or I want to go with my Daddy " it makes me mad and I feel bad for getting mad at that. I think its more anger bc my DS shouldn't have to be asking for him or wanting to go, the donor should see him often enough that DS shouldn't have to ask. :/
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by on Jun. 11, 2012 at 2:39 PM
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Replies (1-10):
dinahrp
by Dinah on Jun. 11, 2012 at 2:51 PM

Tell your son the truth.  He's smart and he will also start to see for himself that when he calls daddy doesn't answer.  W/ time he will ask less about him.  You should not have to lie to make your ex look good.  My kids went though this and in time they learned.  Hugs..

LMJ1
by Lluvia-Mexicana on Jun. 11, 2012 at 3:39 PM

There is nothing you can do.  Do not sugar coat his father for your son.  It will only make things worse.  Be honest.  Do not make excuses for his father.  You reap what you sew, in my opinion. 

If he bailed on his son, tell him the truth.  Do not talk bad about him, but don't make excuses for the father.  If the father did not call or didn't pick up, just tell him, he didn't call and you don't know what happened. If he didn't pick him up, let him know that you don't know why, and that next time he calls or sees him to ask him. 

Honesty is the best policy.  And really, the father is missing out on his children and will regret in the future. 

ZachysMama08
by Silver Member on Jun. 11, 2012 at 3:42 PM

Thank you :) and you are so right, I shouldnt be having to lie for that creep. I just feel so bad when I see my little ones face when he sits there and asks about him and to see him heart broken will just kill me. But in reality he does need to know. :/ And as he gets older I know he will realize what kind of person the donor is. 

Quoting dinahrp:

Tell your son the truth.  He's smart and he will also start to see for himself that when he calls daddy doesn't answer.  W/ time he will ask less about him.  You should not have to lie to make your ex look good.  My kids went though this and in time they learned.  Hugs..


kgmmw
by Kimberly-US/Mex on Jun. 11, 2012 at 3:44 PM

Dang your son doesnt deserve that :( 

karladiego
by Karla on Jun. 11, 2012 at 4:51 PM

This is what I did with my son: Never say anything bad about his father but don't lie or excuse his behaviour. He's not calling or not coming to see your son just tell your kid you don't know why he does that and that when he has the chance to see him to ask him. Don't get mad when he says he wants daddy, that is a normal thing for kids to want their daddies and unfortunately we can't teach them how to be a parent. It is sad but your son will realize with time and by himself how his dad really is, at the end his dad will be the one missing out.

NADIA-R
by NADIA on Jun. 11, 2012 at 5:27 PM
I understand how frustrating it is and how mad it makes you but don't hurt your childs feeling even more by talking bad about his dad. He will grow up with hate in his hearth . One day he will realize whowas the bad guy.My kids dad is like that and my DD is always crying asking for him. He lives 20 mins aways and for a year and a half he didn't show up or called. Just 2 weeks ago he decided to come pick them up for 3 hours only.I told my 10 YO DD not to cry and be strong. When they came back my 17 YO DD told me she said to him." My mom says you are always busy working and can't come but I think that you just don't love us any more that's why you never call or pick us up" he cried an apologized to them told them some lame story but see I never ever told her to say something like that she figured it out all on her own.
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mstrendygirl
by Irene-Mexicana on Jun. 11, 2012 at 5:27 PM

 thats exactly what i was thinking.. it's better to just be honest with your son than for him to keep wondering why his dad doesnt pick him up. i know from experience my dad was the same way he always said he would pick me and my sister up and he would have us waiting. my mom never lied she always told us the truth. and i realized that it was my dads lost on missing out on us. he only came around when he felt like it and i hated him for that he loved to blame my mom for us hating him and not wanting to see him. but i knew it wasnt because of my mom he was to blame and as i became older i let him know that it was all him . he was just quick to point the finger at her .once i started getting older and understood  i pretty much shut him out of my life and im happy that way. he never cared so why should i. just dont talk bad about his dad let him figure it out for himself. and if the day comes when his son should ask him the question of why he doesnt see him let his dad be the one to answer that for him. just dont let him say it was your mom who wouldnt allow me my dad tried that with us and i didnt believe it for one bit cause i knew it was all him.best of luck

Quoting LMJ1:

There is nothing you can do.  Do not sugar coat his father for your son.  It will only make things worse.  Be honest.  Do not make excuses for his father.  You reap what you sew, in my opinion. 

If he bailed on his son, tell him the truth.  Do not talk bad about him, but don't make excuses for the father.  If the father did not call or didn't pick up, just tell him, he didn't call and you don't know what happened. If he didn't pick him up, let him know that you don't know why, and that next time he calls or sees him to ask him. 

Honesty is the best policy.  And really, the father is missing out on his children and will regret in the future. 

 

ebmb03
by Member on Jun. 11, 2012 at 5:42 PM

 I had the same issues where i was always calling him when my daughter would ask about her dad.  I got to the point that i said to myself that if he wanted a some kind of relationship with his daughter, it would have to come from him.  Well, it took me meeting someone else for him to finally start coming around, but know my daughter does not really want to go with him.  What goes around, comes around.  Good luck and don't make excuses for him when your little one asks about him.

twobells
by Orfelinda on Jun. 11, 2012 at 8:09 PM

Try to keep him busy with other things. Maybe if you keep him preoccupied with other things he will not be asking for him. If you have a brother or a male friend see if they can spend some time with him. Be careful what you tell him. I don't know how old your son is and what is is capable of understanding. My middle son was in therapy till he was in 10Th grade and at 20 I know he still seeks his father. One of the reason he moved back home. My two other kids had no problem moving on. So every kid is different and takes not having their father as part of their life different.

I know how hard it is seeing him hurt and it makes you mad. Be the better person and never say anything bad about him and just always show him how very special he is.

ZachysMama08
by Silver Member on Jun. 11, 2012 at 11:37 PM
1 mom liked this
Thank you Ladies for all of the great advice, I appreciate it. My DS will be 4 in July. I never ever say anything bad about his Daddy nor will I ever. I will just be honest from now on and say I don't know why he isn't picking up the phone or calling back. He will eventually figure it out. It kills me when the donor calls him and has his other Son (my Son and the other child are 9months apart, bastard cheated on me) I'm sure it makes my DS feel bad. After they hang up I try and do something fun like paint or something to occupy his little mind. So yeah honesty is the best and I'm going to stop making excuses for the donor and always telling DS his Dad is at work. Thanks again Mamas
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