I have a girlfriend from JR High that I use to hang out with in my early 20's (i will be 34 this august) we had lost touch for several years almost 8 years actually. When we use to hang out I loved to party and drink and the norm I guess, I was single and had no responsibilities. We lost touch just a way of life really, fast forward years later I'm a mom of two and married almost 12 years.
When I became a mother I changed as most moms do I assume. The craziest I get now is happy hour after work every now and then or movie night and drinks at home :) First things she asks after we reconnect is if I still party like I use to and Im like no Im in my 30's and I've lived that time of my life, Im passed it you know? And she proceeds to tell me how crazy I was and how much fun she had, thats all good and dandy but I'm thinking you want to talk abt the present? I know I sound harsh but I dont miss my pass so bad that I have to re live it to the fullest. I would love to know whats been going on since and how ur kids are and such. But she just wants to talk about how she wishes we lived in the same city bcs she really needs a friend to party, yada yada yada.
Months later she proceeds to ask me abt some pics my hubby puts on FB and how if that was her man she would kick his ass and this and that..the pics are of girls in bathing suits and he will add a caption that says "happy whatever day it is". Im sure a lot of women wouldnt be ok with this but it doesnt bother me. I got annoyed and replied that it doesnt bother me so im not really sure why it bothers HER? She replies with just joking girl. Im thinking to myself first of all no one should ever meddle in someone elses realtionships especially when advice was not requested and certainly not when you dont dont have a good experience from to do so, I let it go as "joke" but it still bothered me.
So today she messages me that she founds this guy on FB the she used to crush on in JR High and Im like really ur still thinking abt him to the point that you have been looking for him? Her message itself reminded me of JR High with all the explanation marks and the omg's she placed in the title. Im not sure what reponse she expected from me but I was very neutral abt it hoping she would let it go bcs I honestly dont feel like having a conversation about a guy I havent thought about since the last time we spoke 8 years ago bcs she would bring him up. Im wondering is she really stuck on our old life that she cant move forward? I just dont get it, she doesnt act like someone who has moved forward or am I reading to much into this? Does anyone else have friends like this how do you handle the relationship?
I have. And I put distance between her and I right away!!!
Girl, you need distance yourself from this girl. The role she played in your life is over, and you need to move on. There is no nice way to tell someone that you are no longer interested in the same things they are. We, as humans, evolve emotionally as we get older. But some stay on the same mentality. Maybe they don't want to get old. Have you noticed how for some people the highlight of their life is high school? It's really sad.
The only thing I can tell you is that you've changed, and your interests are a lot different now. It is clear that you are both at different places of your lives. She no longer offers anything to improve your life. I always say, friends make your life better, not pull you back.
Quoting LMJ1:
I have. And I put distance between her and I right away!!!
Girl, you need distance yourself from this girl. The role she played in your life is over, and you need to move on. There is no nice way to tell someone that you are no longer interested in the same things they are. We, as humans, evolve emotionally as we get older. But some stay on the same mentality. Maybe they don't want to get old. Have you noticed how for some people the highlight of their life is high school? It's really sad.
The only thing I can tell you is that you've changed, and your interests are a lot different now. It is clear that you are both at different places of your lives. She no longer offers anything to improve your life. I always say, friends make your life better, not pull you back.
I caught up with friends from school on FB and we sometimes reminisce about past times and parties, etc but we do talk about our present and our families, jobs, etc. If she is that stuck in the past, I would say stay away, there will be trouble.
I understand about reminiscing I do it too. But when that is ALL you have, then it's time to move on. I had a friend like this...we used to party and get into some shit together. Now I still like to party but mine is like a dinner party and a bottle of wine, happy hour or dancing like once every 6 months. When someone feels the need to do a keg stand, I know we have no business being friends.
Quoting karladiego:I caught up with friends from school on FB and we sometimes reminisce about past times and parties, etc but we do talk about our present and our families, jobs, etc. If she is that stuck in the past, I would say stay away, there will be trouble.
Quoting JeannetteG:I understand about reminiscing I do it too. But when that is ALL you have, then it's time to move on. I had a friend like this...we used to party and get into some shit together. Now I still like to party but mine is like a dinner party and a bottle of wine, happy hour or dancing like once every 6 months. When someone feels the need to do a keg stand, I know we have no business being friends.
She refusing to grow up and act like an adult. Is she still in the same style of clothes just kidding. I do have friends like that and do not hang out anymore with them. I just see their posting on FB. I say it is time to say good bye to this old friend and politely tell her that your interest in things are different. Let her know you have fun doing other things and if she wants to join you from time to time she is more than welcome. Just make it clear you are not interested in bringing up the past anymore. Tell her you are happily living in the present.
who speaks Spanish fluently?
- Star127
on Jul. 1, 2012 at 9:33 PM