We all know why moms are obsessed with Fifty Shades of Grey. It's not because the sex scenes or the plot are realistic, that's for sure! It's because they're so unrealistic. It's called FANTASY -- the exact opposite of doing laundry and getting your kids to clean up their rooms.
But this Fifty Shades parody is too hilarious -- and true -- to ignore. Fifty shades of... reality! is the story of an average couple's sex life: Two parents so worn down by their kids and by life in general that they can barely manage to do the deed. It's gone viral all over Facebook but sadly without the author's name. Whoever you are, you're an even bigger genius than E. L. James! Read it and weep, moms, after the jump.
Brilliant! Quick raise of hands, who here has had "sock" sex? Hey, I'll admit it. So hawt, sex with your socks still on. And the rogue Lego pieces underfoot -- I can so relate to that. But worst of all, coitus interruptus kidus! Ooh, that's so frustrating, especially since you can never, ever get your kid to go back to sleep. It's like they can sense that you're up to something REALLY FUN without them. And the phrase "now where were we" loses its appeal after the second or third time you say it.
Aw crap. Not again. SIGH. Never mind.
The writer hasn't even gone into the difference between Anastasia and Christian's young, lithe, buoyant bodies and most people's post-children bodies. I'm talking about moms and dads. Without a personal trainer, nutritionist, nanny, and plastic surgeon it's just so hard to keep yourself Ana-perky, know what I mean?
And don't even get me started on how Christian-as-a-dad would ever find the time to go shopping for nipple clamps when the house is always out of bread. But one thing is for sure: In this version of Fifty Shades it's not the man who's dominant, and it's not the woman, either. It's the kids.
What would your Fifty Shades of Reality sound like?