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Just For Fun: 50 Shades of Reality

Posted by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 10:30 AM
  • 7 Replies
1 mom liked this

'50 Shades of Reality' Parody Is Hilariously Accurate

Posted by Adriana Velez

socksWe all know why moms are obsessed with Fifty Shades of Grey. It's not because the sex scenes or the plot are realistic, that's for sure! It's because they're so unrealistic. It's called FANTASY -- the exact opposite of doing laundry and getting your kids to clean up their rooms.

But this Fifty Shades parody is too hilarious -- and true -- to ignore. Fifty shades of... reality! is the story of an average couple's sex life: Two parents so worn down by their kids and by life in general that they can barely manage to do the deed. It's gone viral all over Facebook but sadly without the author's name. Whoever you are, you're an even bigger genius than E. L. James! Read it and weep, moms, after the jump.

50 shades of reality

Brilliant! Quick raise of hands, who here has had "sock" sex? Hey, I'll admit it. So hawt, sex with your socks still on. And the rogue Lego pieces underfoot -- I can so relate to that. But worst of all, coitus interruptus kidus! Ooh, that's so frustrating, especially since you can never, ever get your kid to go back to sleep. It's like they can sense that you're up to something REALLY FUN without them. And the phrase "now where were we" loses its appeal after the second or third time you say it.

Aw crap. Not again. SIGH. Never mind.

The writer hasn't even gone into the difference between Anastasia and Christian's young, lithe, buoyant bodies and most people's post-children bodies. I'm talking about moms and dads. Without a personal trainer, nutritionist, nanny, and plastic surgeon it's just so hard to keep yourself Ana-perky, know what I mean?

And don't even get me started on how Christian-as-a-dad would ever find the time to go shopping for nipple clamps when the house is always out of bread. But one thing is for sure: In this version of Fifty Shades it's not the man who's dominant, and it's not the woman, either. It's the kids.

What would your Fifty Shades of Reality sound like?

by on Aug. 6, 2012 at 10:30 AM
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Replies (1-7):
LMJ1
by Lluvia-Mexicana on Aug. 6, 2012 at 10:42 AM
LMAO!!!!

I am so paranoid about our daughter seeing us, that I literally shake her to make sure she is completely out.

We sneak into the guest bedroom (bedboard makes way less noise) and do it real quick. Usually we skip foreplay because Im scared she will wake up.
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Supervane
by Vane on Aug. 6, 2012 at 3:00 PM


Quoting LMJ1:

LMAO!!!!

I am so paranoid about our daughter seeing us, that I literally shake her to make sure she is completely out.

We sneak into the guest bedroom (bedboard makes way less noise) and do it real quick. Usually we skip foreplay because Im scared she will wake up.


Thats my fear to! Wish I could have a whole other seperate sex house as ridiculous as that sounds LOL

LACHESIS
by Member on Aug. 6, 2012 at 3:08 PM

I can't remember (OK, I can, 2 years ago, June 4th, my birthday) the last time. Suckages.

JeannetteG
by Jeannette-AZ/Mex on Aug. 6, 2012 at 4:11 PM

This happens way to often at our house!!! Things start getting HOT and then all of a sudden....someone is coming around the corner!

karladiego
by Karla on Aug. 6, 2012 at 4:43 PM


Quoting LMJ1:

LMAO!!!!

I am so paranoid about our daughter seeing us, that I literally shake her to make sure she is completely out.

We sneak into the guest bedroom (bedboard makes way less noise) and do it real quick. Usually we skip foreplay because Im scared she will wake up.

Lluvia there is something called LOCK and it is located in your bedroom door LOL...Mine, when we were both working, was saying we were going to have sex and we both fell asleep lol

karladiego
by Karla on Aug. 6, 2012 at 4:48 PM


Quoting Supervane:


Quoting LMJ1:

LMAO!!!!

I am so paranoid about our daughter seeing us, that I literally shake her to make sure she is completely out.

We sneak into the guest bedroom (bedboard makes way less noise) and do it real quick. Usually we skip foreplay because Im scared she will wake up.


Thats my fear to! Wish I could have a whole other seperate sex house as ridiculous as that sounds LOL

Same as Lluvia...there is a nice invention called LOCK and it's located on your door LOL...With us is being so tired we fall asleep before doing the deed or if we have the kids still lingering having to go to the bathroom and have a quickie lol

LMJ1
by Lluvia-Mexicana on Aug. 7, 2012 at 2:23 PM
LOL
I know. I just feel bad locking the door. I have done it because we really need the sex sometimes, but I hate locking the door. DH has no problem with a door locked all the time. LOL


Quoting karladiego:



Quoting LMJ1:

LMAO!!!!



I am so paranoid about our daughter seeing us, that I literally shake her to make sure she is completely out.



We sneak into the guest bedroom (bedboard makes way less noise) and do it real quick. Usually we skip foreplay because Im scared she will wake up.

Lluvia there is something called LOCK and it is located in your bedroom door LOL...Mine, when we were both working, was saying we were going to have sex and we both fell asleep lol

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