so what I need help with is, what can I do to get custody of my daughter, I read that being illegal has no influence on custody rights. But I don't know where to start. He had told me once, that if we ever fought for custody he would win, because he has a car, a house, a job and can fully support his daughter, me in return, I have no job, no money, no stable place and I'm illegal. He's right, and just thinking about being away from my daughter hurts so much. I don't want to be apart from her. He said there was no way in hell he was going to pay child support. So that he would do whatever to have custody of our child. There is no way I could support myself and our daughter right now, what I make isn't enough, and if I do manage to get another job, it will be hard, since I have no documents, not even the fake ones, and who wants to hire a pregnant lady? I'm going to apply for the dream act extension, but I want to wait until a president is elected, because if Romney wins, we're screwed. It's so hard ladies... But I least I know I have the emotional support from my sisters and mom. He asked me if we were going to get a divorce, but I didn't answer. I think he wants to. But even after all this shit, I don't want a divorce... But I guess that's where we are headed.
I don't know you, but I truly felt your sadness in this post. I'm going to tell you what I always tell everyone... You won't know the outcome unless you try it yourself. People are so quick to tell someone "it's so hard to do this" or "don't even bother because it didn't work for someone they know." And so on.
He's really quick to put you down and keep you there. Who cares if he has everything he says he has. You're her MOTHER the one who will do anything and everything for her! I say you look into a pro bono attorney. There are tons of young lawyers wanting to get experience and may charge cheap or nothing at all. It's beneficial for both parties.
Keep your head up momma... Don't let him dictate you or your future!
I'm sorry you are going through this. You are being abused, so I think your decision is the right one. Now, you need to get a lawyer. I know that you can fix your papers even if you leave him because of the abuse. I know that people can get their green card even if their husband passes away, so I know there is some kind of law for your situation. Do not let this by so easily. Speak to someone. You gave him two children (with the one on the way). It's the least he could do.
Good luck.
Quoting crabbyD:
Hey I'm really sorry you're going through all of this, but at the same time good for you on making this move.
I don't know you, but I truly felt your sadness in this post. I'm going to tell you what I always tell everyone... You won't know the outcome unless you try it yourself. People are so quick to tell someone "it's so hard to do this" or "don't even bother because it didn't work for someone they know." And so on.
He's really quick to put you down and keep you there. Who cares if he has everything he says he has. You're her MOTHER the one who will do anything and everything for her! I say you look into a pro bono attorney. There are tons of young lawyers wanting to get experience and may charge cheap or nothing at all. It's beneficial for both parties.
Keep your head up momma... Don't let him dictate you or your future!
He is such a stoic person, I'm to cheerful and he's... I think something is wrong with his personality or mentality. Once I had our daughter, thing started to get bad. Slowly but it did. He told me that he would change and he would try to be affectionate, but some times I just felt that he had me there because he was possessive and I was the mother of his child.
Quoting Supervane:Ok hun, first and foremost you are in an abusive relationship if he is forcing sex in that way.
What changed so much if the 2 of you were OK before?
Quoting LMJ1:I'm sorry you are going through this. You are being abused, so I think your decision is the right one. Now, you need to get a lawyer. I know that you can fix your papers even if you leave him because of the abuse. I know that people can get their green card even if their husband passes away, so I know there is some kind of law for your situation. Do not let this by so easily. Speak to someone. You gave him two children (with the one on the way). It's the least he could do.
Good luck.
This is from the USCIS immigration website:
Battered Spouse, Children & Parents
As a battered spouse, child or parent, you may file an immigrant visa petition under the Violence against Women Act (VAWA). VAWA allows certain spouses, children and parents of U.S. citizens and permanent residents (green card holders) to file a petition for themselves without the abuser's knowledge. This will allow you to seek both safety and independence from the abuser. The provisions of VAWA apply equally to women and men. Your abuser will not be notified that you have filed for immigration benefits under VAWA.
Help is also available from the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 (TDD). The hotline has information about shelters, mental heath care, legal advice and other types of assistance, including information about filing for immigration status. For more information, visit the National Domestic Violence website.
Those Eligible to File
- Spouse: You may file for yourself if you are, or were, the abused spouse of a U.S. citizen or permanent resident. You may also include on your petition your unmarried children who are under 21 if they have not filed for themselves.
- Parent: You may file for yourself if you are the parent of a child who has been abused by your U.S. citizen or permanent resident spouse. You may include on your petition your children, including those who have not been abused, if they have not filed for themselves. You may also file if you are the parent of a U.S. citizen, and you have been abused by your U.S. citizen son or daughter.
- Child: You may file for yourself if you are an abused child under 21, unmarried and have been abused by your U.S. citizen or permanent resident parent. Your children may also be included on your petition. You may file for yourself as a child after age 21 but before age 25 if you can demonstrate that the abuse was the main reason for the delay in filing.
Eligibility Requirements for a Spouse
-
You are:
- married to a U.S. citizen or permanent resident abuser
or
- your marriage to the abuser was terminated by death or a divorce (related to the abuse) within the 2 years prior to filing, or
- your spouse lost or renounced citizenship or permanent resident status within the 2 years prior to filing due to an incident of domestic violence, or
- you believed that you were legally married to your abusive U.S. citizen or permanent resident spouse but the marriage was not legitimate solely because of the bigamy of your abusive spouse.
-
You:
- have been abused in the United States by your U.S. citizen or permanent resident spouse, or
- have been abused by your U.S. citizen or permanent resident spouse abroad while your spouse was employed by the U.S. government or a member of the U.S. uniformed services, or
- are the parent of a child who has been subjected to abuse by your U.S. citizen or permanent spouse.
- You entered into the marriage in good faith, not solely for immigration benefits.
- You have resided with your spouse.
- You are a person of good moral character.
Eligibility Requirements for a Child
-
You:
- are the child of a U.S. citizen or permanent resident abuser
- were the child of a U.S. citizen or permanent resident abuser who lost citizenship or lawful permanent resident status due to an incident of domestic violence
- have been abused in the United States by your U.S. citizen or permanent resident parent
- have been abused by your U.S. citizen or permanent resident parent abroad while your parent was employed by the U.S. government or a member of the U.S. uniformed services
- have resided with the abusive parent
- have evidence to prove your relationship to your parent
- must provide evidence of good moral character if you are over the age of 14
Eligibility Requirements for a Parent
- You are the parent of a U.S. citizen son or daughter or were the parent of a U.S. citizen son or daughter who lost or renounced citizenship status related to an incident of domestic violence or died within 2 years prior to filing
- You have been abused by your U.S. citizen son or daughter
- You have resided with the abusive son or daughter
- You are a person of good moral character
Filing Process
- You must complete the Form I-360, Petition for Amerasian, Widow(er), or Special Immigrant, including all supporting documentation
- You must file the form with the Vermont Service Center (VSC)
- If you meet all filing requirements, you will receive a notice (Prima Facie Determination Notice) valid for 150 days that you can present to government agencies that provide certain public benefits to certain victims of domestic violence
- If your Form I-360, Petition for Amerasian, Widow(er), or Special Immigrant is approved and you do not have legal immigration status in the United States, we may place you in deferred action, which allows you to remain in the United States
Working in the United States
If you have an approved Form I-360 and have been placed in deferred action, you are eligible to apply to work in the United States. To apply to work in the United States, you must file the Form I-765, Application for Employment Authorization, with the Vermont Service Center.
Your children listed on your approved Form I-360, may also apply for work authorization. For more information on working in the United States, visit our Working in the U.S. page.
Permanent Residence (Green Card)
If you have an approved Form I-360, you may be eligible to file for a green card. Your children listed on your approved Form I-360 may also be eligible to apply for a green card. For information about filing for a green card, see the Immigration Options for Victims of Crimes Brochure.
For more information on battered spouse, children and parents, visit our Questions & Answers: Battered Spouses & Children page.
Sorry to hear your going through this.dont put up with his BS and dont let him belittle you into thinking that you dont have rights. you have to do what's best for your daughter and the one on the way. if he is doing all these things to you then you need to act quick and leave him. you dont want things to get worst for you. best of luck to you and we are all here for you if you need to vent or need some friendly support we all are a close tight group so feel free to come in here and release any frustration, you may have it's better to let it all out then keep it in it's not good for you or the baby. hope you are able to find some kind of help best of luck and prayers going out to you.
accidently left group
- guerrera221
on Aug. 12, 2012 at 2:21 PM