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I am sad and heartbroken

Posted by on Sep. 9, 2012 at 3:09 PM
  • 18 Replies

I made a post a while ago about a so called friend that made our lives miserable and we brke up ties with her, well this was subject to discussion last night at my house but for the wrong reasons, to start with one of my stepdaughters (the middle one) came out saying that we were mean to this so called friend, that she didnt know why we were like that to her (she said this to her father and me). I was raised old school and taught to respect my elders and when it comes to raise kids I do believe in tough love and to speak with the truth, if you think you're old enough to get into adult situations then you must handle them like an adult.

My SD said that the "so called friend" told her that she did everything on her power to apologize to us and make things better (LIE #1) and then that she kept texting and calling us all summer but we never responded or replied back (LIE #2), in front of her and her father (my hubby) I explained that the so called friend never tried to talk to us nor she apologized or texted or anything at all, I explained to her that she said that to put her against her own father and myself, that there were many reason why we decided not to be friends with this woman anymore, she just went on and on on how bad we were, how mean we were and that is when I lost it and told her that she should be thinking about where her loyalties are, that family comes first and that people like the so called friend not only is lying but also talked $hit about her, about her sisters (my other Sds) about her own mom (my hubby's ex) and she had the nerve to tell me that at least her mother and the so called friend were able to work out their differences and they are such good friends now...my hubby said that the so called friend hated her and that she is becoming friends with their mother just to bother us.

I explained my SD that loyalty to her family comes first especially to her dad, that she owed respect to her father and in my case...well, she is not my blood and it breaks my heart saying this but if she doesn't respect me the way I respected her, if she doesn't have any consideration or care for me even though I showed her that then what can I do?? It hurts me deeply that he considers other people over her own flesh and bloodand shows me a very selfish side of her. I understand that being a teenager she thinks she knows everything but my heart just broke and I felt totally disapointed at her for what she was saying.

She did not only accused us of being bad people, she disrespected us, my hubby give me my place telling her that she can't be going through life  showing loyalty to people that doesn't deserve it if while doing it she is disrespecting the family and us.

I wonder if she is so immature she couldn't handle the truth about this so called friend, to the way that she had to disrespect and insults us just to be right on what she was saying...I don't know anymore.

I have been crying out of frustration and sadness since yesterday, I really don't know how to deal with her anymore and my husband is at  wit's end with this situation.

Sorry for the vent being too long.

by on Sep. 9, 2012 at 3:09 PM
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Replies (1-10):
JeannetteG
by Jeannette-AZ/Mex on Sep. 9, 2012 at 4:10 PM

That is a tough situation. I really hope your SD does not grow up to become a person that will turn her back on her family for P.O.S people. Sounds way too much like my uncle and that is so sad. I'm sorry you are so upset Karla. The best you can do is let her dad handle her. I really think she owes you guys an apology though and needs to keep her nose out of grown folks busines for sure.

TxMamacita
by New Member on Sep. 9, 2012 at 4:27 PM
She is very young and I think she just isn't old enough to grasp the situation, no matter how strongly she may feel now. Stand your ground and try your best to be patient. I remember being that age, and looking back I see how immature and bratty I was. A totally different person. We have to live thru things to better understand them. Just do your best to explain things to her and hard as it may be, let her be. She hopefully will come around. . This too shall pass. You and hubby must stay strong on your ground. At least u have each other to lean on during this. Toxic people will try to tear you apart. Don't let it. Good luck ma
karladiego
by Karla on Sep. 9, 2012 at 5:23 PM


Quoting JeannetteG:

That is a tough situation. I really hope your SD does not grow up to become a person that will turn her back on her family for P.O.S people. Sounds way too much like my uncle and that is so sad. I'm sorry you are so upset Karla. The best you can do is let her dad handle her. I really think she owes you guys an apology though and needs to keep her nose out of grown folks busines for sure.

This is the most difficult task, she is the kind of girl that thinks at 14 knows everything, she is always right and she does not apologize in the end like I told my husband last night, she thinks she can get away with everything and is never accountable for her behaviour, I told my husband that at this point as hurt as I am I don't want an apology for myself but at least for him.

karladiego
by Karla on Sep. 9, 2012 at 5:26 PM


Quoting TxMamacita:

She is very young and I think she just isn't old enough to grasp the situation, no matter how strongly she may feel now. Stand your ground and try your best to be patient. I remember being that age, and looking back I see how immature and bratty I was. A totally different person. We have to live thru things to better understand them. Just do your best to explain things to her and hard as it may be, let her be. She hopefully will come around. . This too shall pass. You and hubby must stay strong on your ground. At least u have each other to lean on during this. Toxic people will try to tear you apart. Don't let it. Good luck ma

She may come around eventually but then she behaves like nothing ever happened and she can't go through life thinking she is not accountable for her actions. And you are right, hubby and I have each other, my husband is not happy with the situation because he is realizing how ungrateful and selfish his daughter is, that broke my heart even more, seeing my husband brokenhearted and disappointed at his daughter, seeing how his eyes were getting teary out of frustration.

Supervane
by Vane on Sep. 9, 2012 at 6:01 PM

Thats a very hard situation because it sounds like the Ex friend got in her head and convinced her that you and your husband wronged  her! Thats messed up on her part to, to try and turn a child agaisnt her own father and stepmother. Your stepdaughther is young and there it seems like today's youth swears they are never wrong. She will probably understand it when she realizes what true family loyalty is. Hopefully its sooner than later.

mstrendygirl
by Irene-Mexicana on Sep. 9, 2012 at 6:08 PM

Most 14yr olds have the mentality where they think and know it all.. i hope she evetually comes to her senses  at that age teenagers can be hard headed and stubborn and think that they are right and thats it and not want to hear what is being told to them but the two of you stand your ground like they say in the end she will realize you both were right ..

karladiego
by Karla on Sep. 9, 2012 at 6:46 PM


Quoting Supervane:

Thats a very hard situation because it sounds like the Ex friend got in her head and convinced her that you and your husband wronged  her! Thats messed up on her part to, to try and turn a child agaisnt her own father and stepmother. Your stepdaughther is young and there it seems like today's youth swears they are never wrong. She will probably understand it when she realizes what true family loyalty is. Hopefully its sooner than later.

This is what pisses me off the most!! What does she get trying to put a wedge in our family? I just don't understand how people can be so evil at times.

karladiego
by Karla on Sep. 9, 2012 at 6:47 PM


Quoting mstrendygirl:

Most 14yr olds have the mentality where they think and know it all.. i hope she evetually comes to her senses  at that age teenagers can be hard headed and stubborn and think that they are right and thats it and not want to hear what is being told to them but the two of you stand your ground like they say in the end she will realize you both were right ..

I really hope so, my husband is basically telling her that she won't be allowed to come visit us if she doesn't understand the concept of respect. He is so hurt right now.

Supervane
by Vane on Sep. 9, 2012 at 6:52 PM
Some people do it just to bother people. Is there a way you can maybe email our text to her to leave the kids out of it


Quoting karladiego:



Quoting Supervane:

Thats a very hard situation because it sounds like the Ex friend got in her head and convinced her that you and your husband wronged  her! Thats messed up on her part to, to try and turn a child agaisnt her own father and stepmother. Your stepdaughther is young and there it seems like today's youth swears they are never wrong. She will probably understand it when she realizes what true family loyalty is. Hopefully its sooner than later.

This is what pisses me off the most!! What does she get trying to put a wedge in our family? I just don't understand how people can be so evil at times.


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twobells
by Orfelinda on Sep. 9, 2012 at 9:03 PM

I would try to understand that she is just a kid and right now does not understand fully everything. Next time a grown up topic comes up just say something quick and change the subject. " I am sorry you feel this way." or " The relationship we have with ____ is something we would not like to discuss." I know it is hurtful my kids have picked sides before and I thought the same thing. How could they turn their back on me and made me felt really bad.

I think it is important to not let this get between your relationship with her. She might not allows be on you side, but let her express her feelings and move on. If you let her know how mad you are with her than she might keep doing this knowing it gets to you. So next time a quick response and change the subject she will know that you are not interested about talking about certain things.

Plus right now her mother might play a big part of the way she is and she might feel she has to do this for her mother. She is going to have to figure things out on her own and in the mean time we as parents have to be patient. Hope things get better.

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