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Ustedes que piensan de relaciones abusivas?

Posted by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 2:34 AM
  • 15 Replies

I want your guy's opinion. The girls on mom confessions are too harsh or too blunt. Somtimes I just look for advice or some sort of "helping hand" (if you will). I've been in an abusive relationship for 4 years now. Almost 5. Things have changed and he doesn't hurt me how he did before but it does hurt that my relationship has gotten to this point. We fight about everything now and he expects me to do everthing for him and to be happy no matter what. (we live with his sister and other ppl that I hate.....I hate this house and the ppl in it basically). It has gotten to the point to where I almost took my life but I didn't cuz of my son. We're mexican so he was raised the way of the machista. He expects me to do EVERYTHING for him but he has not really helped me since I had our son back in 2009. Things were great before I got pregnant...he was a different guy but when we moved in with his mom (and lived there for a year a half) he changed. Don't get me wrong...I know I act like a bitch to him cuz I'm always in a bad moood....(Idk if it might be depression or what) but anywho....I admit that sometimes I start fights or he just doesn't like my bad attitude but I don't think that gives him a right to hit me. You know?.....I stay for my son. Honestly...I don't know what I feel for him anymore. It's like I try to tell myself I love him and sometimes I think I do...he's the father of my child and we've had our good days but I don't know. He has hurt me a lot that I just can't walk away. I did in the past 3x but I always blamed myself. (...maybe I could of tried harder....or he just wanted this and I never wanted to do it....blah blah blah you get my point) and I missed him like crazy. My son is bigger now (3) and before he wouldn't ask for his dad cuz he was 1 but he looks ALOT like him that everytime I looked at my son I saw him...u know what I mean?...I just couldn't take it and I went back to him. Despite how he treated me because I thought things could change. They have but he's still abusive. Both physically and verbally. He makes me feel like a shitty mom and  that I don't know how to take care of our son. I don't know but then we have our good day that I think we can make this work. We are struggling financially that I also don't leave just cuz of that. THAT can change.....I know one day we'll have our own place and a car....but since we don't have that now then I guess it gets to me. I just CAN'T walk away...I can't. Walking away means changing my life forever....and with it will come ALOT of drama and problems and there's a possibility I can loose my son forever and never see him again. I am NOT taking that risk. (I don't want to get into that part of my life but I know bad things will happen if I leave). So how do you fix a broken, abusive relationship? :(

by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 2:34 AM
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Replies (1-10):
gammie
by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 10:44 AM

WOW When it's this broken there is no way if the man does not seek help with you. I would say don't have anymore kids. If you can't leave than don't make the kids suffer.

Get involved  in your church and your son studies stay busy doing good things. If you are not leaving than make things good for your son.

This should make you happy and not start fights.

Good Luck

HisMommy4Ever
by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 9:10 PM

Yeah I was thinking about this too and yeah I know...hell to the no am I having more kids. So that's not a problem. I can't work cuz I'm illegal but we want to work on the process of getting my papers and since my son will start school this year then I plan to do something productive then....

Quoting gammie:

WOW When it's this broken there is no way if the man does not seek help with you. I would say don't have anymore kids. If you can't leave than don't make the kids suffer.

Get involved  in your church and your son studies stay busy doing good things. If you are not leaving than make things good for your son.

This should make you happy and not start fights.

Good Luck


karladiego
by Karla on Jan. 6, 2013 at 10:08 PM

You just said it, it is broken...unless you both go to therapy and he admits what he is doing, there is no way to fix it. I walked away from an abusive relationship, unlike you though, the one and only time he dared to hit he ended with a broken nose and us separating, he was also machista and insecure, jealous, immature and possesive when it came to me. I was treated badly (at that point verbally) when I was pregnant with our son because I couldn't work and money was tight.

He didn't help in the house or with our kid and I gave him many chances, my son son was between 2 and 3 when we started our own life away from him, like you my work permit was expired, I was illegal but made the effort to keep working because I had a HUGE reason to do it: MY SON.

Even if he is legal and you're not and as long as your a fit mother no judge will grant him custody or take away that kid from you...if you both don't seek therapy, if you both don't work on your issues and mainly his issues then you NEED to walk away, it is scary but sometimes necessary.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Supervane
by Vane on Jan. 7, 2013 at 12:46 AM

Hun the reality is that your relationship is now beyond abusive and has gone into Toxic territory... Dont have anymore kids that would be the first advise I or anyone with common sense could give you.

Also start preparing yourself to leave this relationship - dont see it as an impossible NO MATTER WHAT it has to be done. Remember you are your child's example. Obviously as a good mother you dont think that is a good and proper way for your child to behave as an adult.

HisMommy4Ever
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 12:54 AM

Yeah I know. I will not be having anymore kids. He always says he's sorry for the way he treats me and then when he's at work he feels like shit and he wants to change but never does. No of course not...I don't want my son to grow up to be like his dad.

Quoting Supervane:

Hun the reality is that your relationship is now beyond abusive and has gone into Toxic territory... Dont have anymore kids that would be the first advise I or anyone with common sense could give you.

Also start preparing yourself to leave this relationship - dont see it as an impossible NO MATTER WHAT it has to be done. Remember you are your child's example. Obviously as a good mother you dont think that is a good and proper way for your child to behave as an adult.


LMJ1
by Lluvia-Mexicana on Jan. 7, 2013 at 9:25 AM
1 mom liked this

YOu are in a very toxic environment, and you don't realize it will harm your son in the long run.

The only way to fix this is for him, to get the help and therapy.  He clearly needs it.

You said you don't want the drama of leaving, but you have drama right now, if you stay.  Pretty soon your self-esteem will suffer, and you will start to believe that you are worthless.

I say this because I saw it happen to someone close to me.  She was in an abusive relationship.  He said sorry everytime. 

19 years later, things got horrible.  He is now serving time.  That tells you everything. 

Deal with the drama.  Free yourself. 

If you don't want to leave, the swallow it up, and smile for your son.   He is what matters the most. 

Good luck!  I hope you are able to make the best decision for you and your son!hugs

Vanderhyde
by Member on Jan. 7, 2013 at 8:16 PM
You should try therapy for yourself first and then couples therapy. You have to deal with your issues first before you decide what is best for you and your son. Good luck I hope you make the right choice for you and your son.
twobells
by Orfelinda on Jan. 7, 2013 at 8:34 PM

I think you are depressed about how things turned out. You list many reason as to why your not happy. I would be sad everyday if I walked into a full house and had no privacy. But right now this is how things are and if you don't make an effort to make things different nothing will change. If you love him and want to work things out then work things out separate. You son is going to start learning from what he sees and that is not something you want. I know it is hard I walked out with three little ones. I suffered for a long time, but at the end I made it. Take every precaution to be safe and learn as much as you can now as far as your rights go.

If you plan on staying then focus on making things better. Try not to pick a fight or get upset over things that you can not change. I know he is the one with the problems, but if you plan on staying then try your best to stay safe for your sons sake. Take care and hopefully everything will work out.

bbyB10
by Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:19 AM
I lost my TWO kids back in 2005 , the state took them away from me for letting their father hit me in front of them I LOST TWO YEARS OF MY KIDS LIVES FOR "EMOTIONAL ABUSE ".for NOT LEAVING HIM , AND FOR " FAILURE TO PROTECT" my lil girl was 1 and I got them back a week before her third bday. I had to prove to the court that I could provide a safe and healthy environment for them , i was ordered to take and pay for domestic violence classes, group therapy, parenting and individual counseling . The court did not believe that I WOULDNT TAKE HIM BACK , So I also filed and got divorced , we were only legally married for 10 months . So what do I think?

I think you should take your son , far away from him before you lose him to the system YOU CAN LOSE CUSTODY OF HIM FOR EXPOSING HIM TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE . YOU ARE WORTH SOMETHING YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE THERE , YOU ARE A WOMAN AND A.MOTHER ITS YOUR RESPONSIBITY TO PROVIDE A HEALTHY LIFE FOR YOUR SON , HE IS ALWAYS.GONNA REMEMBER THIS HORRIBLE TIME IN HIS LIFE MY SON IS 13 & he still has nightmares about his dad beating me
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mipesoidealtlc
by New Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 10:11 AM
1 mom liked this

De las Relaciones abusivas, que se deben cortar lo mas pronto posible....son muchos los danos que quedan. Los peores los que se llevan dentro. Las emociones, el corazon, la mente...

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