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How are you doing today?

Posted by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 11:42 AM
  • 7 Replies

Hi Everyone!

How are you doing today?




by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 11:42 AM
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Replies (1-7):
genabella
by on Jun. 4, 2010 at 12:35 PM

I NEVER thought that I'd feel so hurt and confused on the other side of all of this. This has to be one of the most difficult things that I've had to contend with.. and I've had my share. I feel as though I've been cheated. I keep wondering what went wrong. I find myself having to re-direct my thinking because of plans that I had made revolving around having the baby here. My husband and I both still have to remind ourselves that he doesn't need the vacation time off that he had scheduled for December. And honestly, I just want to be pregnant again. I even feel as though  it's "unbalanced" to want to try to again so soon. But there's a hole in my heart and I wake up with it every morning.. My husband understands but I don't think that he understands the extent of how I feel because I do everything in my power to just be "normal" and present.. and there for my family. And then I sneak away to cry ... pull it together and go back out with my "good face" on. I know that it'll get easier. But for right now.. I just wish I had my baby back.

MommaBoop922
by on Jun. 4, 2010 at 1:29 PM

Normal feelings... I felt the same way.. cheated and lost... I would have had my baby in April,  Just hang in there... its always hard in the beginning and it sounds like you are just going through your steps of grieving... Have you and dh discussed when you would want to try again?  Its normal to want a baby right away for some people and for others its something they can't even consider.  I hope you find some form of peace soon.  

**Hugs**

Quoting genabella:

I NEVER thought that I'd feel so hurt and confused on the other side of all of this. This has to be one of the most difficult things that I've had to contend with.. and I've had my share. I feel as though I've been cheated. I keep wondering what went wrong. I find myself having to re-direct my thinking because of plans that I had made revolving around having the baby here. My husband and I both still have to remind ourselves that he doesn't need the vacation time off that he had scheduled for December. And honestly, I just want to be pregnant again. I even feel as though  it's "unbalanced" to want to try to again so soon. But there's a hole in my heart and I wake up with it every morning.. My husband understands but I don't think that he understands the extent of how I feel because I do everything in my power to just be "normal" and present.. and there for my family. And then I sneak away to cry ... pull it together and go back out with my "good face" on. I know that it'll get easier. But for right now.. I just wish I had my baby back.


MommaBoop922
by on Jun. 4, 2010 at 1:36 PM

I'm doing well on some aspects and struggling with others... Yesterday, my husband and I were talking at dinner and we were discussing what to do with the few pieces of clothes we had from my last pregnancy.  We are pregnant again but having a girl and the clothes are for a boy... Initially, he just said to "get rid of them"... and I think he saw it kinds hurt me and I told him I just don't know where they should go... I feel weird even thinking about it but I know its probably the last piece I need for closure... Its all thats left in the house... then we talked about some friends we have that are having boys and maybe ensuring the clothes go to another little baby and friends as a happy thing rather than just tossing them... Im torn btw two ppl... one we are new friends with and the other is the sister-in-law to a really close friend of ours and we have become close recently... I just dont know what to do... On the flip side Im very happy and working on enjoying my current pregnancy rather than being a nervous wreck... lol easier said than done and I value every week that passes and my daughter gets stronger. I have nightmares sometimes about losing her and last night I dreamt I bled terribly and no one would help me... Sorry this is more of a rant but I guess I just have a lot on my mind.

 

Cafe Jenn
by on Jun. 4, 2010 at 3:51 PM

This is completely 'normal' (if there is a normal).  Seems like everytime you turn around something reminds you of being empty handed.  It sucks.  Know that you can come here any time, day or night and talk to us.  We're here to listen to you and throw you some cyber hugs.

Quoting genabella:

I NEVER thought that I'd feel so hurt and confused on the other side of all of this. This has to be one of the most difficult things that I've had to contend with.. and I've had my share. I feel as though I've been cheated. I keep wondering what went wrong. I find myself having to re-direct my thinking because of plans that I had made revolving around having the baby here. My husband and I both still have to remind ourselves that he doesn't need the vacation time off that he had scheduled for December. And honestly, I just want to be pregnant again. I even feel as though  it's "unbalanced" to want to try to again so soon. But there's a hole in my heart and I wake up with it every morning.. My husband understands but I don't think that he understands the extent of how I feel because I do everything in my power to just be "normal" and present.. and there for my family. And then I sneak away to cry ... pull it together and go back out with my "good face" on. I know that it'll get easier. But for right now.. I just wish I had my baby back.



Cafe Jenn
by on Jun. 4, 2010 at 3:53 PM

Please don't apologize.  If there is one place where you can come and 'talk' and 'rant' it's here.  That's what I love about having a group like this.  It's here for you to come no matter what and we won't judge you, we won't think you're odd.  We will support you through it all.  :)

Quoting MommaBoop922:

I'm doing well on some aspects and struggling with others... Yesterday, my husband and I were talking at dinner and we were discussing what to do with the few pieces of clothes we had from my last pregnancy.  We are pregnant again but having a girl and the clothes are for a boy... Initially, he just said to "get rid of them"... and I think he saw it kinds hurt me and I told him I just don't know where they should go... I feel weird even thinking about it but I know its probably the last piece I need for closure... Its all thats left in the house... then we talked about some friends we have that are having boys and maybe ensuring the clothes go to another little baby and friends as a happy thing rather than just tossing them... Im torn btw two ppl... one we are new friends with and the other is the sister-in-law to a really close friend of ours and we have become close recently... I just dont know what to do... On the flip side Im very happy and working on enjoying my current pregnancy rather than being a nervous wreck... lol easier said than done and I value every week that passes and my daughter gets stronger. I have nightmares sometimes about losing her and last night I dreamt I bled terribly and no one would help me... Sorry this is more of a rant but I guess I just have a lot on my mind.




genabella
by on Jun. 4, 2010 at 4:00 PM

Thanks so much, Jenn..

It seems like things change from one moment to the next. It feels like that postpartum moodiness.. which is just another reminder. But please know that I am so grateful to have an understanding ear to listen and shoulder to "cry" on. This baby was a complete surprise and my husband said that he would like to try again but just  "not right now" which is also a bit ambiguous to me. I don't  know if that means that he wants to wait a few months or until next year or what. That being said, it also seems at times like he wants to try again now as much as I do. I also wonder if I'm being selfish and just "chasing" what I lost. In some ways, I'm sure that I am.. I mean, I lost something precious to me and I realize that I won't get that baby back. But the thought of having another baby is comforting .. and, yet, scary as well...Thanks for letting me vent here... It's keeping me sane.. well, almost.. LOL (J/K!)


Quoting Cafe Jenn:

This is completely 'normal' (if there is a normal).  Seems like everytime you turn around something reminds you of being empty handed.  It sucks.  Know that you can come here any time, day or night and talk to us.  We're here to listen to you and throw you some cyber hugs.

Quoting genabella:

I NEVER thought that I'd feel so hurt and confused on the other side of all of this. This has to be one of the most difficult things that I've had to contend with.. and I've had my share. I feel as though I've been cheated. I keep wondering what went wrong. I find myself having to re-direct my thinking because of plans that I had made revolving around having the baby here. My husband and I both still have to remind ourselves that he doesn't need the vacation time off that he had scheduled for December. And honestly, I just want to be pregnant again. I even feel as though  it's "unbalanced" to want to try to again so soon. But there's a hole in my heart and I wake up with it every morning.. My husband understands but I don't think that he understands the extent of how I feel because I do everything in my power to just be "normal" and present.. and there for my family. And then I sneak away to cry ... pull it together and go back out with my "good face" on. I know that it'll get easier. But for right now.. I just wish I had my baby back.



genabella
by on Jun. 4, 2010 at 4:10 PM

Thanks MommaBoop922..

Although I would  never wish this on anyone, it is nice to be understood. My dh and I have discussed having another and I know that he wants to.. but a part of me is afraid that if I let too much time pass, he'll change his mind. Not sure why... I have this desire to try again immediately and I  know that I need time to just assure myself the best chance with the next try. So, I keep beating myself up about wanting to rush the process.. and that's usually when I feel the most helpless. Each day is different.. each moment, even. I'm sure that there's still a hormonal component to it all..

I read your other post and I totally understand how you feel about the clothes for your baby boy. It would definitely be great to pass them on to someone appreciative but  if you don't want to let go of them, I don't think that you should force yourself. Maybe you will later.. maybe not. But if you wanted to hold on to them, I don't think that would be unreasonable or would make coping more difficult. Only you really know, though..

And being nervous is completely what I would expect. I don't think that anyone could procede with a pregnancy after a loss and NOT feel apprehensive. It makes it hard to enjoy the moments of this pregnancy.. but just give yourself room and permission to ride this rollercoaster and hang on however you can.. And don't feel like you're "ranting".. You're sharing with others who understand and who look forward to sharing with you as well..

Wishing you all the best with your beautiful baby girl to be!

Quoting MommaBoop922:

Normal feelings... I felt the same way.. cheated and lost... I would have had my baby in April,  Just hang in there... its always hard in the beginning and it sounds like you are just going through your steps of grieving... Have you and dh discussed when you would want to try again?  Its normal to want a baby right away for some people and for others its something they can't even consider.  I hope you find some form of peace soon.  

**Hugs**

Quoting genabella:

I NEVER thought that I'd feel so hurt and confused on the other side of all of this. This has to be one of the most difficult things that I've had to contend with.. and I've had my share. I feel as though I've been cheated. I keep wondering what went wrong. I find myself having to re-direct my thinking because of plans that I had made revolving around having the baby here. My husband and I both still have to remind ourselves that he doesn't need the vacation time off that he had scheduled for December. And honestly, I just want to be pregnant again. I even feel as though  it's "unbalanced" to want to try to again so soon. But there's a hole in my heart and I wake up with it every morning.. My husband understands but I don't think that he understands the extent of how I feel because I do everything in my power to just be "normal" and present.. and there for my family. And then I sneak away to cry ... pull it together and go back out with my "good face" on. I know that it'll get easier. But for right now.. I just wish I had my baby back.



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