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Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support

About Me (a.k.a. Welcome to Crazyland) . . . w/ TWO UPDATES and a CONCLUSION

Posted by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 10:34 PM
  • 30 Replies

I m/c before conceiving my DS, who just turned 21 months. MY DH and I are ttc #2 and things aren't clicking as quickly as they did when we conceived the little one we lost or our DS. We started ttc in November 2009 though I had many stresses that derailed some of our months of trying.

The past couple of months, I've focused on being relaxed. Just enjoy life and family and my career, try to do good in the world (acts of kindness and positivity), and let the baby chips fall as they may. I have been doing very well. 2ww hasn't even gotten to me--until today.

I'm currently on CD 28 (Sun, 6/13) and have somewhat recently gone to a 30-31 day cycle. Today, I had to start talking myself out of POAS (I purposely don't keep any in the house). This is where my m/c experience haunts me. I worry about seeing a BFP and then having it taken from me.

What got to me today is a combo of cramps and nausea. Believe me: I know very well that wanting to be pregnant can get a gal to start having faux symptoms. But then my mind started playing, "What if. . . ?" and then I started to get antsy and anxious and a bit scared. Then I started feeling a crazy fear of disappointment: don't POAS so you won't be disappointed by a BFN! What if you get a BFP and m/c again--you'll be disappointed! I feel more than slightly insane.

I'm feeling hella emotional right now, too, which is very PMS-ish, if you ask me. I keep wanting to cry and have a headache from that about-to-cry-no-wait-don't-cry! move I have been pulling today. My boobs were tender/sore earlier (a week ago), but that has passed (very little tenderness now), which makes me think something odd was in the air last week.

So where does this leave me? I'm sitting here typing and trying to give myself a pep talk. I don't want to get my hopes up, so I keep bracing for AF, but then I have visions of The Secret run through my head (self deprecating "LOL" here), so I start trying to be optimistic. And then I worry that I am building castles in the clouds (are you seeing a vicious cycle?). . . . I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know what to think--or how to stop myself from feeling or wanting to gag.

So what would you do if you were in my crazy-ass shoes? Sane me tries to talk to crazy me, but there seems to be a language barrier. So I'd much rather hear from someone else.

Thanks for reading this much too long post.

UPDATE 1:

After work yesterday (Tuesday, 6/15/10), I decided to stop by the drugstore closest to my home and buy an HPT. They were sold out of FRER, so I wound up buying a CVS 3-pack of tests that are supposed to be comparable to FRER (according to the box and the lady at the pharmacy). At 4:25 a.m. this morning, I tested with FMU . . . and got a faint second line. I mean FAINT. As in "I thought I was going to FAINT because I was holding my breath for fear that breathing on that stupid line would blow it clear away!"

Okay, so I don't have the cool camera that can zoom in on the test and still take a clear photo, so I couldn't share a photo, which was fitting, since I always told myself I wouldn't go that route. In the end: if you see a line, you see it.  That's what I like to preach. And there it was: very watercolor-y pale (almost like a shadow, but you could see color).

Now here's what burns my butt: the stinkin' CVS tests are BLUE DYE. I have never had a problem with blue dye tests, but I've so many stories about them giving "false positives" that I had a serious "DOH!" moment. (Hi, Paranoia? It's me, Nikki. . . .)

So where does this leave me? Well, like a crazy insane freak I actually put my little cup o' pee into the fridge (don't worry: it's covered and contained so that no one will mistake it for funky lemonade). I am debating whether to hunt down some FRER and test after work--or just wait and test tomorrow morning or this weekend. I dunno. YOUR THOUGHTS? SERIOUSLY. I WOULD LOVE OPINIONS HERE. I"M ALSO GONNA POST IN THE TTC GROUP BECAUSE I AM EXHAUSTED AND NEED TO TALK THIS THROUGH WITH OTHERS.

BTW, I shared with my mom (not even my DH--because I don't want to get his hopes up). I also shared that I have been having some mild cramps and that I peed and saw a small (I mean tiny) bit of brown. This gets me thinking of loss (I know, I know--not necessarily. But we've all been in this boat of nuttiness, right?). My mom was great--the perfect blend of hopeful/excited and comforting. So we'll see, I guess.

UPDATE #2: Okay, I am having more brownish discharge (I slapped a pantyliner on, so I could see what was happening). I have spotted before, then bled, and then miscarried. And I have spotted before and then it stopped and I had a successful pregnancy. But you all know that something like this makes the mind immediately jump to worst case scenarios. I am feeling extremely wiped out right now.

CONCLUSION: Sorry for the delay. On Wednesday night, I had to travel out of town to attend to a number of family engagements and didn't return until late Sunday night.

When last I posted, I was playing Detective Nikki on the Case of the Missing Flow . . . following the trail of brownish CM and faint blue lines to an unknown conclusion. Well, that brownish CM was a rascal--playing hide and seek through Wednesday, 6/16, and Thursday, 6/17. At times, that darn CM disappeared and I lost the trail completely.

I decided that I would wait until Saturday, 6/19, to test again and purposely did not buy any FRER so I would have to wait. Like many of you, I will POAS if any stick is available. No, let's be very frank: I can turn into a POAS addict. Seriously, I'd pee on a celery stick, chopstick, chapstick, broomstick, if I got on a roll and heard some old wives tale/urban legend that doing so would get me sure-fire results (like the chopsticks forming a plus sign if positive or stabbing me in the eye if negative). You know you would, too! Dude: crack is whack and pee is glee! It's a pee party! URINE-vited! Woo hoo! . . .  ((shaking head))  Excuse me . . . ahem . . . moving on . . . .

On Thursday night, I stayed up late to do some work and was up until 1:30 a.m. Friday morning writing a report to email into work ahead of deadline (yes, I can be a workaholic). When I logged off, somewhat delirious yet overstimulated from cranking the brain into high gear for a few hours, I was a little loopy. I went to the restroom, started peeing, then thought, "I should POAS!!!" Okay, clearly the thought came too late because I was in the midst of a gigantic pee and you know you can't kegel those to a halt. I'm talking about the kind of pee you have when you hold back for an hour to get work done, then have to ease into when you finally hit the toilet, lest you turn into a sprinkler head and shoot down the whole bathroom (why does that happen--the whole "spray the world" pee?). So I am in the midst of this killer pee and freaking out because I am wasting the pee (since it had been over 4 hours since I'd last peed, so it could be considered FMU), and I couldn't do a darn thing about it. After I finished, I actually sat there, looked between my legs and into the toilet, and thought, "What if I dip the stick in . . .?" Yeah, totally irrational frame of mind. But, let's face it: brain dead at 1:30 a.m. usually gets you to do stupid ass things--like dipping a test stick into a pee-filled toilet or baking and eating a whole pan of brownies or starting to scrub your tub because you happened to notice some soap scum that cannot wait until morning to die or drinking a glass of wine while watching "Under the Tuscan Sun" and hoping you will have naughty Italian dreams of Marcello (yum yum).

But I digress! I got so irrationally upset over the lost pee (that I wasn't even planning to test until Saturday) that I ran to my parents' paper goods cupboard to find a disposable cup. I placed it on my nightstand to remind myself to pee in it and decided to aim for 7 a.m. Then I went to bed.

I woke at 5:30 a.m., thanks to my DS (21 months), who is a morning person like me. We were singing in bed when it hit: awful cramps. Felt like someone was twisting my abdomen and lower lady areas--wringing them out like a wet towel. I tried to ignore the cramping. Within a half hour, I felt some wetness. I was laying down, so I immediately bolted from bed to the restroom. While on the toilet, the horror movie hit. I will refrain from gory details . . . other than to say I was reminded of raw liver.

I tend to have heavy-ish AFs, but Friday began an "AF" that was quite heavy and on the clumpy side. Cramping was also wicked and continues to today (though the severity has subsided).

Unfortunately for anyone who is curious about the reliability of blue dye tests, I didn't test with FRER, so I have no basis for comparison for my faint blue line. However, I have used blue dye tests before and never got a false positive. In this instance, I have no reason to think I experienced a false positive. My opinion: I think the faint line was owing to a fertilized egg that had implanted, but was not viable and pretty quickly stopped developing. My mom and DH (yes, I shared info with him on Wednesday en route to the airport) share my belief.

Thankfully, I am not experiencing a sense of loss the way I did when I had my [first] m/c. That m/c happened a little later (if this was a m/c, I was very early--at the end of week 4/beginning of week 5)--and I knew definitively that I was pregnant for a little longer, which had me very emotionally invested (though I think we women can get very emotionally invested in pregnancy in a heartbeat).

Don't get me wrong: I was (and am) disappointed. But I don't feel a sense of grief and loss. I don't feel crushing sadness. I feel very calm and peaceful--with a sense that things are happening as they need to for a reason I can't yet grasp. And I feel hopeful. That sense of hope and joy I started to feel when I got the faint line remains, which is an amazing gift. TTC had become a bit of a chore. Feeling that hope and joy transforms the experience back to what it used to be--and I am looking forward to this month of BDing. :-)

So, friends, I don't have a positive test stick to share, but I do feel this is a positive outcome--because I FEEL POSITIVE. I hope you all feel positive, too!

Thank you for all your wishes--for the fun replies to my posts/updates, for being cheerleaders, for  going on this roller coaster ride with me. YOU are part of the reason I feel so positive and hopeful. It's hard to be down when you have the energy and strength of phenomenal women to lift you up.

group hug

Stay tuned for more of my whacky adventures in TTC! I promise to try to be entertaining. LOL!




by on Jun. 13, 2010 at 10:34 PM
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Replies (1-10):
genabella
by on Jun. 14, 2010 at 8:16 AM

Boy, oh boy... You sound just like me and how I felt one week ago. Heck, I was riding the emotional rollercoaster this past weekend, esp. Saturday. I was trying my best to hold it together and not "crash and burn" with my husband and kids all here. I usually try to save that for when everyone is asleep or when my husband is at work because I don't want to seem like more of a basket-case than I already am.  Long story short.. I hadn't seen AF since my m/c and wasn't sure when to expect it. So, I was nearing the 3 week mark since having it last week and was looking for signs but wasn't really getting any clear indication. There was a little crampiness and that had passed by the weekend. On Sunday, I started with some spotting...very light and almost nothing. That continued through Tuesday and I was SO hopeful that I might be pregnant. I had taken a test prior to that which was negative by my mind was swirling thinking that maybe it was just too soon to tell. I was so happy walking around with just the thought that I might be again. I've been so hurt since the m/c that it just seemed like the first time that I'd felt positive about anything and wasn't faking it. Well, on Tuesday night.. AF REALLY showed up and I could've just melted. I consoled myself with a glass of wine and the thought that I can STILL KEEP TRYING.

I said all of that to say this: I understand. I know what it's like to want to buy the test and then be afraid of the result no matter what it says. If I found out that I was pregnant today, I'd be happy, and then I'd be scared to death that I'd have to endure the same pain that I've been carrying since this m/c. 

If it's torturous for you to not know, you might go ahead and get the test. If the result is neg., console yourself with the knowledge that a neg. result this month means that, while you aren't pregnant now, you CAN continue to try. Don't feel like this is your last chance because it is not and as long as you still have the ability to have children, your outlook for expanding your family is the best imaginable. That's what I tell myself. 

If it's positive... allow yourself to be happy about it. Yes, it may be difficult if something were to happen. You'll always have that "what if" scenario in your head. That's the cruelest part of going on after a m/c. But my husband always tells me "Don't worry until you KNOW that you have something to worry about." And that's what I'll tell you. Don't police yourself or hamper your happiness if it's true.. just one day at a time.

I wish you all the best.. and just know that you are not alone OR crazy. Just doing the best you can with all of this just like the rest of us....

Please keep us updated~!hugs

Cafe Jenn
by Jenn on Jun. 14, 2010 at 8:48 AM

I can totally understand what you are going through, too.  We've been TTC since late 2007, early 2008.  I would spend many day 1 of AFs in tears.  Devastated that it hadn't hapened yet.  Then I got my BFP and I was estatic.  Then I m/c.  Now I am 3 months from my m/c and while we are TTC, I'm not allowing myself to think about it much.  I do find myself way too often dwelling on it.  I try not to keep track too much of when AF is due because if I do then I get fixated on it even more.  It really sucks. 

 

hugs

xoNIKKIox
by on Jun. 14, 2010 at 5:48 PM

Thank you, genabella. Hearing that I sound like someone else--and don't sound crazy!--had me exhaling a long sigh of relief. It's odd how the rational parts of our brains KNOWS we're not alone or experiencing anything abnormal, yet it's not until someone confirms it that we can somehow relax a bit. That's the beauty of this group: put it out there, and someone will give you a pat on the back, pep talk, commiserating hug, or heartfelt comfort.

You (and your DH) are right: don't worry until there's something to worry about. Nothing I do or don't do will change whatever IS, at this point. And, whenever I am pregnant again, nothing I would willingly do could jeopardize the baby, so I need to try not to stress out over everything.

I'm so sorry AF came to visit you. I could totally relate to your story. That was me a few months ago--very SURE and believing every "symptom" was A SYMPTOM. I was happy and excited and, like you, felt I was carrying a fun little secret. AF was more than a week late--then came with a vengeance. And I felt crushed.

I have been toying with the idea of getting a test today to use tomorrow with FMU. I started leaning in this direction after chatting on the phone with my mother this morning. We were talking about our respective Sundays and I mentioned that I had been feeling queasy yesterday, so I didn't conquer this office-reporganizing project I've started. She immediately squealed, "Are you pregnant?" and I very solemnly explained the situation. She (like you) reminded me that a neg this month isn't the end of trying, but I could still hear the residual excitement in her voice. Now, my mom ain't one of those Donna Reed types who is all soft and gentle. She's very much a straight-shooting, "suck it up" type of woman. So hearing her get excited made me want to feel excited and hopeful, too . . . hence the "maybe I'll POAS" thought. We'll see.

I'll keep you posted. And thanks again for your post.

Quoting genabella:

Boy, oh boy... You sound just like me and how I felt one week ago. Heck, I was riding the emotional rollercoaster this past weekend, esp. Saturday. I was trying my best to hold it together and not "crash and burn" with my husband and kids all here. I usually try to save that for when everyone is asleep or when my husband is at work because I don't want to seem like more of a basket-case than I already am.  Long story short.. I hadn't seen AF since my m/c and wasn't sure when to expect it. So, I was nearing the 3 week mark since having it last week and was looking for signs but wasn't really getting any clear indication. There was a little crampiness and that had passed by the weekend. On Sunday, I started with some spotting...very light and almost nothing. That continued through Tuesday and I was SO hopeful that I might be pregnant. I had taken a test prior to that which was negative by my mind was swirling thinking that maybe it was just too soon to tell. I was so happy walking around with just the thought that I might be again. I've been so hurt since the m/c that it just seemed like the first time that I'd felt positive about anything and wasn't faking it. Well, on Tuesday night.. AF REALLY showed up and I could've just melted. I consoled myself with a glass of wine and the thought that I can STILL KEEP TRYING.

I said all of that to say this: I understand. I know what it's like to want to buy the test and then be afraid of the result no matter what it says. If I found out that I was pregnant today, I'd be happy, and then I'd be scared to death that I'd have to endure the same pain that I've been carrying since this m/c. 

If it's torturous for you to not know, you might go ahead and get the test. If the result is neg., console yourself with the knowledge that a neg. result this month means that, while you aren't pregnant now, you CAN continue to try. Don't feel like this is your last chance because it is not and as long as you still have the ability to have children, your outlook for expanding your family is the best imaginable. That's what I tell myself. 

If it's positive... allow yourself to be happy about it. Yes, it may be difficult if something were to happen. You'll always have that "what if" scenario in your head. That's the cruelest part of going on after a m/c. But my husband always tells me "Don't worry until you KNOW that you have something to worry about." And that's what I'll tell you. Don't police yourself or hamper your happiness if it's true.. just one day at a time.

I wish you all the best.. and just know that you are not alone OR crazy. Just doing the best you can with all of this just like the rest of us....

Please keep us updated~!hugs


xoNIKKIox
by on Jun. 14, 2010 at 5:55 PM

Thanks so much for your words, Jenn. You're right--this all sucks. LOL

My CD1s have found me feeling defeated and depleted. Exhausted. It's weird: I can get through almost all of the 2ww without problem. But, about CD 27 or 28, my brain somehow clicks in and starts battling itself. I wish I could stop tracking CDs, but I keep track of cycle length and approximate ovulations periods, so I'm a bit screwed that way. And I can't trick myself into forgeting.

I'm so sorry that your ttc journey has been long. It breaks my heart that it needs to take any would-be parents such a long time to create their families. I know it's worth the wait. . . but I am horribly impatient. LOL.

baby dust . . . for us all!

Quoting Cafe Jenn:

I can totally understand what you are going through, too.  We've been TTC since late 2007, early 2008.  I would spend many day 1 of AFs in tears.  Devastated that it hadn't hapened yet.  Then I got my BFP and I was estatic.  Then I m/c.  Now I am 3 months from my m/c and while we are TTC, I'm not allowing myself to think about it much.  I do find myself way too often dwelling on it.  I try not to keep track too much of when AF is due because if I do then I get fixated on it even more.  It really sucks. 


hugs



genabella
by on Jun. 15, 2010 at 1:08 PM

OMGoodness! Same here... I TOO feel like I think about it all way too much. And when it's time for AF... you can hang it up. That's all that my mind is on...

Quoting Cafe Jenn:

I can totally understand what you are going through, too.  We've been TTC since late 2007, early 2008.  I would spend many day 1 of AFs in tears.  Devastated that it hadn't hapened yet.  Then I got my BFP and I was estatic.  Then I m/c.  Now I am 3 months from my m/c and while we are TTC, I'm not allowing myself to think about it much.  I do find myself way too often dwelling on it.  I try not to keep track too much of when AF is due because if I do then I get fixated on it even more.  It really sucks. 


hugs


boy kissing momgiving mom giftgroup hugLoving my crazy crew!

genabella
by on Jun. 15, 2010 at 1:27 PM

You are so right, xoNIKKIox..

Hearing that someone else has the same feelings and is going through something similar is SO comforting.. You can know it cognitively.. but actually having someone tell you gives you a much greater sense of relief. I completely know how it is to hear that inflection in your mom's voice and have it be a bit difficult to handle. I'm glad that she's pulling for you, though and you can discuss it with her. I never even told my mom about this baby until I was miscarrying because I knew how critical she was going to be. And I was right. She is still trying to convince me to get "fixed".. and actually told at least a couple of other people that she was "taking up a collection to get one of them (either my husband or I) fixed." UNBELIEVABLE! I'm a loving, self-sacrificing, hard-working mom that takes nothing from anyone.. not help, not a cent, not a moment of time... My kids are with me every moment that they aren't at school or at the doctor.  And that's all that she ever has to say... something critical.

Please know that your words were just as reassuring to me as mine were to you. I hate that any of us have to endure this rollercoaster ride, but I'm glad that we can help each other through it.

Thanks so much!

Quoting xoNIKKIox:

Thank you, genabella. Hearing that I sound like someone else--and don't sound crazy!--had me exhaling a long sigh of relief. It's odd how the rational parts of our brains KNOWS we're not alone or experiencing anything abnormal, yet it's not until someone confirms it that we can somehow relax a bit. That's the beauty of this group: put it out there, and someone will give you a pat on the back, pep talk, commiserating hug, or heartfelt comfort.

You (and your DH) are right: don't worry until there's something to worry about. Nothing I do or don't do will change whatever IS, at this point. And, whenever I am pregnant again, nothing I would willingly do could jeopardize the baby, so I need to try not to stress out over everything.

I'm so sorry AF came to visit you. I could totally relate to your story. That was me a few months ago--very SURE and believing every "symptom" was A SYMPTOM. I was happy and excited and, like you, felt I was carrying a fun little secret. AF was more than a week late--then came with a vengeance. And I felt crushed.

I have been toying with the idea of getting a test today to use tomorrow with FMU. I started leaning in this direction after chatting on the phone with my mother this morning. We were talking about our respective Sundays and I mentioned that I had been feeling queasy yesterday, so I didn't conquer this office-reporganizing project I've started. She immediately squealed, "Are you pregnant?" and I very solemnly explained the situation. She (like you) reminded me that a neg this month isn't the end of trying, but I could still hear the residual excitement in her voice. Now, my mom ain't one of those Donna Reed types who is all soft and gentle. She's very much a straight-shooting, "suck it up" type of woman. So hearing her get excited made me want to feel excited and hopeful, too . . . hence the "maybe I'll POAS" thought. We'll see.

I'll keep you posted. And thanks again for your post.

Quoting genabella:

Boy, oh boy... You sound just like me and how I felt one week ago. Heck, I was riding the emotional rollercoaster this past weekend, esp. Saturday. I was trying my best to hold it together and not "crash and burn" with my husband and kids all here. I usually try to save that for when everyone is asleep or when my husband is at work because I don't want to seem like more of a basket-case than I already am.  Long story short.. I hadn't seen AF since my m/c and wasn't sure when to expect it. So, I was nearing the 3 week mark since having it last week and was looking for signs but wasn't really getting any clear indication. There was a little crampiness and that had passed by the weekend. On Sunday, I started with some spotting...very light and almost nothing. That continued through Tuesday and I was SO hopeful that I might be pregnant. I had taken a test prior to that which was negative by my mind was swirling thinking that maybe it was just too soon to tell. I was so happy walking around with just the thought that I might be again. I've been so hurt since the m/c that it just seemed like the first time that I'd felt positive about anything and wasn't faking it. Well, on Tuesday night.. AF REALLY showed up and I could've just melted. I consoled myself with a glass of wine and the thought that I can STILL KEEP TRYING.

I said all of that to say this: I understand. I know what it's like to want to buy the test and then be afraid of the result no matter what it says. If I found out that I was pregnant today, I'd be happy, and then I'd be scared to death that I'd have to endure the same pain that I've been carrying since this m/c. 

If it's torturous for you to not know, you might go ahead and get the test. If the result is neg., console yourself with the knowledge that a neg. result this month means that, while you aren't pregnant now, you CAN continue to try. Don't feel like this is your last chance because it is not and as long as you still have the ability to have children, your outlook for expanding your family is the best imaginable. That's what I tell myself. 

If it's positive... allow yourself to be happy about it. Yes, it may be difficult if something were to happen. You'll always have that "what if" scenario in your head. That's the cruelest part of going on after a m/c. But my husband always tells me "Don't worry until you KNOW that you have something to worry about." And that's what I'll tell you. Don't police yourself or hamper your happiness if it's true.. just one day at a time.

I wish you all the best.. and just know that you are not alone OR crazy. Just doing the best you can with all of this just like the rest of us....

Please keep us updated~!hugs



candcsmom2008
by on Jun. 15, 2010 at 1:41 PM

I understand the feeling momma, GL to you

xoNIKKIox
by on Jun. 15, 2010 at 3:11 PM

Oh, man, I am so sorry to hear about how your mom treats you! That is unbelievable--taking up a fund to get someone "fixed" (like a stray animal you've adopted from the pound . . .).

I'm lucky to have an amazing mom. I always joke that "when I grow up" (I'm 36 yo. LOL!), I hope to be half the woman she is. She's very logical and pragmatic, so I love hashing problems out with her. She never experienced m/c, though, and she is the first to say she can't know what I (or anyone else who has suffered m/c) feels.

When I heard her excitement, it was difficult because I was trying hard not to get my hopes up. But I SO wanted to be able to share that excitement--that totally free, unhindered excitement that I think only happens for those who are innocent to the loss of m/c. Since yesterday, I've realized that I can  (and, perhaps, should) let myself feel HOPE, if not EXCITEMENT. I somehow got myself to a place of feeling afraid to hope lest I "jinx" a pregnancy. But I think neglecting hope isn't putting me into a "realistic" frame of mind (as I thought it would) but rather into a wary, fearful, somewhat negative frame of mind. Not good. Why not err on the side of the positive?

Thank you for helping me to talk this out. You're right: it's wonderful that we have each other on this roller coaster ride. And it's a great comfort to know that someone shares your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. :-)

Quoting genabella:

You are so right, xoNIKKIox..

Hearing that someone else has the same feelings and is going through something similar is SO comforting.. You can know it cognitively.. but actually having someone tell you gives you a much greater sense of relief. I completely know how it is to hear that inflection in your mom's voice and have it be a bit difficult to handle. I'm glad that she's pulling for you, though and you can discuss it with her. I never even told my mom about this baby until I was miscarrying because I knew how critical she was going to be. And I was right. She is still trying to convince me to get "fixed".. and actually told at least a couple of other people that she was "taking up a collection to get one of them (either my husband or I) fixed." UNBELIEVABLE! I'm a loving, self-sacrificing, hard-working mom that takes nothing from anyone.. not help, not a cent, not a moment of time... My kids are with me every moment that they aren't at school or at the doctor.  And that's all that she ever has to say... something critical.

Please know that your words were just as reassuring to me as mine were to you. I hate that any of us have to endure this rollercoaster ride, but I'm glad that we can help each other through it.

Thanks so much!

xoNIKKIox
by on Jun. 15, 2010 at 3:11 PM

Thank you. It's always nice to know you're understood!

christine.r2624
by on Jun. 16, 2010 at 9:26 AM

 I can totally relate. I probably wasted 200+ on tests while we were actively TTC. I was fortunate, and we went through 3 cycles (Nov, Dec, Jan) and got our BFP on what should have been CD2 for Feb. I was the over-anxious POAS lady... we went out one night in Dec with some friends, and my gf actually brought me a test to the bar because I was on CD 28 of 28 and I didnt want to drink if I was pregnant. Yup, thats right, I got a BFN in a bathroom stall of a local bar.

I skimmed through the replies and didnt see an update, did you decide to test, or has CD1 come and reared its ugly head? either way- good luck momma, and best wishes in your journey of TTC again.

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