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Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support

I didn't know where else to vent to about this...but I figured this was the best place because you probably understand the feeling.

It is SOO hard for me to look at a pregnant women right now.  What makes it even harder, is I'm a day care provider, and three weeks ago, one of the moms told me she was pregnant.  So I told her I was too...we were due one day apart.  But, here I am, without my baby, and she's still got hers.  She did really good all week since my m/c to not mention anything about her baby and it also helps that she's not showing yet.  But...I still look at her belly and become sad because I know.  Then...today, she starts complaining about her pregnancy symptoms.  She's tired all the time and she feels sick, almost throwing up.  I told her "cherish those moments".  She kind of looked at me puzzled, but really...doesn't she know it hurts me??  I would give anything right now to feel the pregnancy symptoms, good or bad ones.  They all just disappeared the day after my m/c.   

I know she wants to talk about her pregnancy once in a while, but I really don't think I'm the right person right now.  (However, I'm the only person besides her husband that knows...she hasn't announced it yet, she just wanted to tell me so she could hold a spot in my daycare).  So I understand she's excited, but I just can't handle it.  It even crossed my mind a couple times that I need to let her daughter go from my care.  I don't know how I will be able to handle it when she starts showing and especially when she has her baby around the time I was supposed to have mine.  Because I know how far along she is, I know how far along I was supposed to be. 

Am I being a horrible person?  My husband tells me I'm just torturing myself by thinking all of this, but I can't help it.  It really hurts.

Thanks for reading...it helps to vent and get the feelings out once in a while.


Group Owner of these awesome groups:   
Home Childcare Providers
http://www.cafemom.com/group/familychildcare  

by on Jun. 19, 2010 at 12:22 AM
Replies (11-11):
xoNIKKIox
by on Jun. 28, 2010 at 8:56 PM

Hon, have you considered being very open with this woman and explaining how you feel?Sometimes, people don't realize what a person who is mourning needs--and I know I appreciate it when someone tells me what they need. I don't think it's at all out of line to say, "I want you to know I am very happy for you and wish you a happy and healthy pregnancy, but it hurts me to listen to pregnancy details. I am still mourning my loss and so listening to stories about pregnancy remind me of that loss. I'd appreciate it if we could focus our conversations on the day care or other non-pregnancy related topics."

I have a feeling that this woman knows you're hurting but still feels that the way she is trying to connect with you gives you emotional support. I think a direct approach with her would be helpful. Good luck!


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