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I have a GF who had a M/C and I knew she had one, But when I tried to talk to her about it, she said where she comes from it is a sign of weakness to talk about it.. WHAT??

She is of Indian decent.

This just saddens me, it is not her fault!!

by on Jul. 1, 2010 at 12:36 PM
Replies (11-12):
by on Jul. 6, 2010 at 1:20 PM

Oh wow that's so crazy. I couldn't imagine that. That makes me so sad.

Quoting candcsmom2008:

He has her convinced she should not let others know" she is unable of caring a child", he said to DH the other day..He was disgraced by her because she miscarried, I literally had to hold DH back..He was pissed. I just knew he was gonna hit him. We were at t here house and  her and I walked out and she has been here at the house with me since.... We are talking and I have been telling her about Cafemom and giving her info about M/C and such.. We also set up a memorial place at our local cemetary for her to be able to go.. She is doing better. TY ladies for all  the support...

by on Jul. 6, 2010 at 5:41 PM

That's horrible--but it's hard to argue against another's culture. I think you're doing the best you ca, which is supporting your friend and offsetting the damaging views of her husband and his family/culture. (Or is she of the same culture?)

I wonder if it would make a difference if a medical professional were to have a talk with this man? (Preferably a MALE medical professional. . . .) Perhaps he might see that this is not a matter of "weakness."

Quoting candcsmom2008:

DH blames her, it is the culture she married into that says that a woman who can not reproduce for her DH is weak and a disgrace to the family. She is opening up and has said many times she is glad she is able to talk about it in my house..Appraently this is there 2nd M/C.. I was unaware of the other one.

Quoting xoNIKKIox:

Is she placing blame on herself--or is her DH blaming her? From what you mentioned at first, it just sounded like she didn't want to discuss her feelings/experience.

Quoting candcsmom2008:

I am there for her and we hang out alot..She is on of the sweetest people I have ever met...I also called her mom and she gave me some insight that it is more stressed on her from her husband because he is an only child so it is all on her shoulders to care on the family name and tree. But still IT IS NOT HER FAULT!!  It just hurts me for him to place blame on something she has no control over.

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