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So I guess it all started with itchy legs. I thought I was allergic to something in the apartment. Then my breasts swelled up and I got so bloated I couldn't wear anything but yoga pants. It was only a week or two since my last period, and I always had irregular periods that the doctors couldn't regulate.. to top it off I had taken an at home fertility test that said I wasn't going to ovulate. so I honestly didn't think that the ONLY time I had sex with the boyfriend I have been living with, in  a month n a half would be the time with all the odds against me, that I would be pregnant.

But it didn't stop my friend from bugging me, telling me I was anyways. I laughed and ignored her all the way up till I started having bad insomnia two nights in a row. I am also a massage therapist, I keep my "hotstone" rocks under my bed. and if you know anything about massage therapists we are spiritually weird, and tend to talk to inanimate nature objects.. well it was weird even for me when I found my stones "chattering" at me. And they wouldn't shut up until I put them in my PJ pockets. I even had weird dreams about them being 20 times heavier than they really are.. in fact my dreams were getting more vivid than usual.

And then after the second day of this I discover myself slightly nauseated, wakening up with a sense of worry, and -starving-.. and oh yes, craving water like  I have been walking through a desert for a week. So as my friend again tells me I am pregnant, I finally suck it up and buy a pregnancy peestick test. And to my surprised it came up positive. I took the second one the next morning just to double check.

With all these things against me, I was -shocked- that it was even possible for me to get pregnant, shocked that I saw the little plus symbol, and absolutely terrified. My friend got her "I told you so" moment

My boyfriend was even excited and terrified. We were ecstatic! A few days later we told our parents.. and well.. my parents had to do the lecture of responsibility and all that.. but they were supportive and took us out to dinner. When I got back home I began bleeding lightly.. and well implantation bleeding I thought nothing of it. After all I was only 4 ish weeks along at best.

The shock had finally worn off and I was already completely attached when I woke up the next morning feeling like something was terribly wrong. Not right.. I was bleeding more. With that I got in a fender bender accident at a stop sign.. a cop pulled me over for speeding as I was late to work.. my whole day simply crashed down on me so bad my work sent me home and told me to see the doctor.

So I got there.. I waited an hour or so as a walking only to find out that my pee test came up negative.. with all the bleeding.. I sat trying not to cry while the doctor told me, if I was pregnant, I am not anymore. That I was going through a miscarriage.

My hopes were fulfilled, and completely ripped away. I spent then ext 15-24 hours laying in bad crying..
I am still going through it, I can still feel every little thing in my body happening. And I got the rest of the week to go.. I cry when I put my pants on.. when I look down, when I eat, when I drink.. when I go to the bathroom and see all the blood.. this is by far the worst thing I have ever gone through.

by on Aug. 3, 2010 at 7:10 PM
Replies (11-12):
by on Aug. 12, 2010 at 5:24 PM

I am so sorry for your loss.  It is a very tough thing to go through.  You are not alone.  This is an awesome site.  Come here for support whenever you need it:0hugs

by Amy on Aug. 13, 2010 at 6:31 PM

*hugs* i'm sorry for your loss

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