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Just out of hospital after D and C. Feel empty and sad :(

Posted by on Aug. 14, 2010 at 8:48 PM
  • 20 Replies

Hi everyone, this is my first time on this. Anyway, it's been a hard few days for myself and my partner, we went for a 10 week scan on tuesday cos i lost my symptoms, i wasnt bleeding, had very little cramps, i just went for peace of mind, so they would tell me i had nothing to worry about, well they told me they couldn't find a heartbeat and my beautiful wee angel had died. I couldn't speak,  i just went completely numb, it was the most devastating thing i'd ever heard. I still can't believe it. They recomended a D & C and that they would book me in for friday (past). 

The next few days were the worst days i've ever had, all i did was cry. I was filled with lots of sadness, a lot of anger and self hate. I had a dream on Wednesday that i had a wee girl, so i talked it over with my partner and we have been calling "it" her now. We've named her Lucy, i just wish i could have got the chance to meet her :(

I went in for the D &C yesterday, it was the worst thing ever, i've never been in so much pain in all my life, 

It's all over me now and my wee baby has left me, this was my first pregnancy and i feel so empty and sad, 

I just hope i can move on and try for another, but i will never forget my wee angel Lucy xo

by on Aug. 14, 2010 at 8:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Aug. 14, 2010 at 9:15 PM

Oh my, your post made me cry. I am so very sorry for your loss. God Bless little Lucy. *hugs*

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
by on Aug. 14, 2010 at 9:16 PM

I am SO sorry for your loss. Indeed, enduring the shock of finding out that you've lost your little one is torturous in and of itself. But the physical pain can seem to just be a constant reminder. I remember feeling so alone and wishing that I could just have my baby back. It wasn't until I had it confirmed and was actually going through the miscarriage that I finally accepted t hat no miracle was going to happen and that there was nothing that I could. And it's one of the loneliest and most desperate places that I've ever encountered.

That being said, circumstances aside, I am so very glad that you are HERE. This is the one place that you can come to and talk about your feelings and KNOW that you are understood, immediately. No matter what you're feeling or going through, you can trust that one or more of the ladies here have been there and know what it's like to be exactly where you are.

I think that naming your little Lucy was a perfect idea. It just doesn't feel right to go on calling your baby "it".. when, from the moment that you found out about her, you've done everything in your power to take care of her. Whether it was suffering through nausea or all day sickness or dealing with fatigue or sweating out a headache because you didn't want to take a pill, you did everything that you could for your little Lucy while she was with you. Take pride in that. Know that you were a wonderful mommy to your little girl each and every minute that you had her. Unfortunately, we can't control these horrible things that happen. But you can hold your head high knowing that you did everything imaginable for your little one. You are a wonderful mommy.. even if your baby girl can't be here to experience your love any longer.

You'll never forget all that you've been through but please know that, even when it doesn't seem like it, each day will get easier. Some days will be more difficult than others. But you need to allow yourself the liberty of feeling the entire range of emotions for you to truly heal and recover.. physically and emotionally.

Please consider this to be your own personal cheering team. We are here for you and are happy to do whatever we can, even if it's just sharing a kind word or a cyber hug, to make this transition bareable.

Take Care! And we are here for you... anytime.

group hug

by on Aug. 14, 2010 at 9:53 PM

Thanks girls, i just want her back, i just want to feel pregnant and i want to stop crying. I just feel so miserable. This is far too hard. I just keep thinking that it would be amazing if i could sleep for, i dunno, well till all this pain goes away.

I still can't believe that this has happened. I keep thinking, this time last week.......... God, this is so hard, i keep thinking i have to find the strength from somewhere to get through this, it's like a roller coaster, one minute i feel fine and the next i'm sobbing so hard, like last night, after the surgery i felt amazing, god love my boyfriend, he looked so worried when he saw me. He has been absolutely fantastic through out this, i honestly can say that i am so so sooo lucky to have someone as amazing as him.

Tomorrow we're going to buy some frames cos we got our 3 scan pics and a wee thing his mammy got us, it's all about her wee name, so we're going to frame them, keep one and give the other 2 to the grand parents, well, at least it'll be something for me to do lol

It's mad, but, i was crying at the start of this and now i'm happy again WTF!!! 

But thanks for the replies, to be honest i didn't think i'd hear anything from anyone 



by on Aug. 14, 2010 at 10:40 PM

 I'm so sorry for you loss!!  We all understand your grief and pain!  This is a wonderful group of ladies who have been through similar experiences, so we know what kind of support and words you need.  You're doing some beautiful things to remember your baby girl!  I'm glad you have such a supportive man in your life to help you through this!  HUGS!!

by on Aug. 14, 2010 at 11:42 PM

hugsSo sorry for you loss and we are all here for you.

blowing bubbles            

by on Aug. 15, 2010 at 12:04 AM

 I am so sorry, i know exactly how you feel. Take some time to rest and heal. HUGS.

by on Aug. 15, 2010 at 12:18 AM

I'm so very sorry, Fiona. You're right: experiencing miscarriage is a terrible, horrifying roller coaster. You have many rushing emotions--mainly hurt, resentment, anger, and confusion. And, when they ease up a little, you might feel guilt (because we should be torn apart when our babies are taken from us, right?). But please know this is all normal.

I'm glad you're letting your feelings out. I'm also glad you have named your baby and are finding ways to honor her. This helps many of us tremendously. Continue to let yourself mourn Lucy. Cry as you need to (and laugh as you can find joy and humor, too). It's all normal and right.

As genabella said, I'm also glad yuo found our group. We have all experienced loss and we know how you are feeling. We are all here for you, whenever you need someone to listen and support you.

I'm so sorry. I know this is hard and painful. I'll be thinking of you. Please let me know if tehre's anything I can do to help you through this.You're in my thoughts and prayers.


by on Aug. 15, 2010 at 4:08 AM
Thanks everyone. I just wanna know Something though, I haven't been able to sleep in my bed since I found out. I've been sleeping down in the sitting room so I can be distracted by the tv. Like when am I going to be able to sleep in my own bed with Gary (boyfriend)? Maybe I need some sleeping pills, but I do want to try and concieve again asap. It's all I've ever wanted. I always wanted to be a mum. I've always called my cats my babies lol I was sooo excited to have my baby girl and raise her to love and respect animals as much as I do, Gary said he wanted to raise her to be a good person like he is :(. It's just so unfair.
Everytime I think of that day, I still feel shocked. Even though it was almost a week ago, is that normal?
But I do keep thinking about her, like was she happy for them few weeks that she was apart of me? Was she in pain the day she died? Poor wee pet didn't get the chance to see the world, we wouldve given her an awsome life, she was soooo wanted and loved.
Aww dear, I'm upset again. This is all too much :(
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by on Aug. 15, 2010 at 8:51 AM
I am so very sorry for your loss. Losing a child is so very very hard. Praying for you.

Mommy to three beautilful children! Parker (06/29/05), Paxton (03/01/09), and Payton who was born with her angel wings (05/28/10).

by on Aug. 15, 2010 at 10:09 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss. I never had a D&C before but I heard it can be painful. I hope you start feeling better physically and emotionally. I know it'll take time but time can help darling. If you need someone to talk to I'm here for you, just shoot me a PM. ((hugs))

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