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Having a rough day :(

Posted by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 11:30 AM
  • 9 Replies

So I am new to this site and though I do come on often I dont really post... think I am still getting comfortable with all of this..

 

But today is a very hard/rough day for me... I m\c in 11/2009 and ever sense everyone around me has been pregnant or has had there children already.. so that was a couple of months ago and I thought to myself okay you got through that so now there should be some down time... well its happening all over again.. A women I work with her sister is do any hour now... my best friend is pregnant again with her second child... I go to FB and well dont you know three of my friends tell the world today they are pregnant... and I just want to scream!

To add to my mood... when I joined this a couple of weeks ago I started to tell my close friends hoping (praying) they would see I need an outlet to talk about this.. and NOTHING.. they all ignore it.. or change the subject.. They all tell me there problems ( I am a social worker) and I feel I am able to put my own thoughts/feelings whatever is going on with ME aside and make the time for them... so why arent they for me? I feel foolish.. I never open up and I am trying cause I know I cannot do this alone ( my husabnd is my rock but I know he is dealing with his own stuff as well) and they all ether change the subject or just dont ask... I know this is a hard thing to talk about but how is this fair? I cannot talk about the BF as she is very sensetive right now and I know how hard it was for her to tell me she was preggo.... I dont want to make her feel bad but come on...

 

I am just so lost and just want to cry.. thanks for letting me vent! I hope you all are having a better day then I.. thank you again!

by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 11:30 AM
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Replies (1-9):
bbmkfo03
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 12:07 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm a counselor too and my friends are totally used to dumping all their problems on me and when I need help they're silent. I think in your case with the m/c they probably just don't know what to say to you. Have any of them had any m/c's? Someone who's never been through this might find it hard to relate, especially the pregnant ones.

I'd still try and talk to them about it, maybe it'll catch their attention b/c you do need to talk about it. If they still aren't listening, talk to your DH and us. I hope things get better for you! *hugs*

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
Cafe Jenn
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 12:18 PM

I am sorry for your loss.

I don't think women who have no experienced a m/c can know how to support us.  The mention of it makes them uncomfortable and they clam up and/or change the subject.  That is one reason why I love this group so much.  I know that no matter what you all understand.

I say that to say, we are here for you.  When you feel no one else is, we are.  We all understand the pain, the hurt, the sadness, the depression and the huge fight to deal with a loss every single day.  We understand when all your friends are happy and pregnant and we're not.  

And the best part is we can give these:  group hug

echupko
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 12:29 PM

 I am so sorry for your loss.  Its ok to cry!!  You lost something special and you are grieving.  I dont think people truly understand how bad it hurts unless they have been through it themselves.  BUT every single amazing women in this group understands you and your pain.  We are all here for you.

HUGS and prayers to you!


Mommy to three beautilful children! Parker (06/29/05), Paxton (03/01/09), and Payton who was born with her angel wings (05/28/10).

coopsdmb
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:10 PM

Thank you! You guys have NO idea how wonderful reading your responses are... and your right though I am new to this group I have not felt anything but accpeted. So thank you! and thank you for your hugs... I really needed them today!!!!!

echupko
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:29 PM
This group is really amazing! I'm glad you found us!

Quoting coopsdmb:

Thank you! You guys have NO idea how wonderful reading your responses are... and your right though I am new to this group I have not felt anything but accpeted. So thank you! and thank you for your hugs... I really needed them today!!!!!

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Mom2Be0804
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:31 PM

I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way!  I've always held the opinion that unless someone has experienced a m/c, they don't know the true impact it can have on someone's life.  I absolutely love this group and am so glad that I found it.  Please continue to utilize us on good days, bad days, or those days in between.

hugs

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
genabella
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 1:52 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a baby is a unique experience in that no one can really understand ....truly understand...unless they've been there. Good friends will try to comfort you.. but, quite often, they don't have a clue as to what to say and are afraid. But please know that I COMPLETELY understand what you mean when you speak of friends being accustomed to having YOU support, encourage, listen to, and counsel them... and it's not only aggravating but infuriating when you're going through one of the roughest times of your life and feel as though others don't truly care about how much you're hurting. I had a friend who called me day in and day out shortly after my miscarriage.. but it was so that I could help her through something SHE was going through. That's the role that I play in most of my relationships. And that's fine. But when I was trying desperately to just keep my "head above water" emotionally.. it just became more than I could bare.

Whenever I attempted to talk to my mother about it, she would immediately pull out her soapbox and start to talk about how I shouldn't have been trying to have another baby anyway. Oh yeah, and the rest of the time, she'd just say "Uh-huh" and change the subject. I'm no dummy.. after a couple of times, I just stopped saying anything to her. My friends didn't understand that I felt like someone had removed my heart.. There were times when I felt as though I couldn't breathe. It just hurt. And it's a real challenge when you're dealing with others around you that are having babies. You ARE happy for them.. but it makes you think about what you lost and, for that reason, can be hard to handle.

I don't talk to my husband about the mc because, after a while, it was just "over" for him. He knows that I was hurt and he was hurt by the loss as well. But, as moms, our bond with our baby starts the moment we know that he/she is coming.. We endure morning sickness, headaches, backaches, fatigue... you name it.. all for that little one. So, when we lose that little one, even though we never saw him/her, it hurts just the same...

I'm sorry that this is one of "those" days for you. But please know that you aren't alone. We've ALL been there..( or are there..LOL). And we're here ANY time that you could use a friend.

Sending hugs your way!

little flower


Txmommy13
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 3:56 PM

Im sorry, im glad you came on here and posted.It can be very hard when no one else seems to want to be in the position of "listener",they just want to do the talking.I hope your day gets better,and you can talk about whatever you want to,feel free to vent,its ok.

xoNIKKIox
by on Aug. 31, 2010 at 3:58 PM

I am so sorry for your loss, as well. 

I recognize your username--and I am glad you feel comfortable posting now. :-) We know how you feel and we are all here to support you.

I'm sorry you don't feel supported by your friends. Unfortunately, they know what a good support you are and so they probably feel more comfortable "dumping" on you than advising you. They may even feel inferior in the counseling department--or mistakenly think that you can give yourself advice/support--and not realize you simply need to be heard and shown some caring.

It may help if you approach your friends individually, explain that you are hurting, and ask them for specific kinds of support. Perhaps it's a matter of saying, "I really need to share my experiences and feelings with friends. Would you please listen to my story?" With your best friend, perhaps you can remind her how happy you are for her--but let her know that you sometimes get sad or wistful because of your own loss. A good friend will understand--and want to be given the opportunity to support you. (I speak from experience. I felt badly to share my sadness with a close friend of mine who was pregnant at the time I miscarried--and, when I told her that, she promptly scolded me for it. As she got me to see, I would want the opportunity to be a strong friend for her, if things had been reversed. I should extend the same opportunity to her.)

I know that it's hard to ask for what we need or want--especially in emotionally charged times like these (and when we're dealing with loved ones whom we feel should KNOW what we need). But, sometimes, we need to ask--or tell. :-) It's amazing how many people need the nudge or the tips on how to do what we feel is "common sense." :-)

hugging Beyond your circle of friends at home, know that we are all here for you, too. Feel free to cry with us, vent to us, shriek/wail/sigh/moan/groan/lament. We'll understand. And we'll probably join you!

Take care. I'm thinking of you.

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