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Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support

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Posted by on Sep. 9, 2010 at 4:08 PM
  • 676 Replies

Hi Everyone!

Welcome to Miscarriage Support.  We are sorry that you have a need to be here but we are glad that you found this great group of moms who have all experienced a pregnancy loss.  

Here is my own personal story

I am a mom of two boys.  I have experienced two miscarriages, one in January of 2002 and another one in March of 2010.

With my first miscarraige, the baby had died at 8 weeks, but I didn't find out until I was a little over 11 weeks along.  This was our first pregnancy, and I was devastated.  I opted to undergo a D&C the day after finding out. 

We were able to bury our baby through our hospital, who offered services quarterly to those who lose their babies early.  It gave me closure, which I am thankful for.

We went on to have two successful pregnancies.  Our sons are 5 & 7. 

We began trying 2 1/2 years ago and were so excited to get a BFP in February of 2010 but I knew something was wrong because as soon as I took the test and got the BFP, I started spotting.

I was right on my hunch and ended up miscarrying two weeks later.  This time, I passed the baby on my own and it was the most horrible experience I've ever had, but it has made me stronger.

I am here to offer each of you support.  Without the support I received, I'm not sure that I would have gotten through these m/c.


Please share your story below.

by on Sep. 9, 2010 at 4:08 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Cafe Jenn
by Jenn on Sep. 9, 2010 at 4:08 PM

Hi Everyone!

My name is Jenn.

I am a mom of two boys.  I have experienced two miscarriages, one in January of 2002 and another one in March of 2010.

With my first miscarraige, the baby had died at 8 weeks, but I didn't find out until I was a little over 11 weeks along.  This was our first pregnancy, and I was devastated.  I opted to undergo a D&C the day after finding out. 

We were able to bury our baby through our hospital, who offered services quarterly to those who lose their babies early.  It gave me closure, which I am thankful for.

We went on to have two successful pregnancies.  Our sons are 5 & 7. 

We began trying 2 1/2 years ago and were so excited to get a BFP in February of 2010 but I knew something was wrong because as soon as I took the test and got the BFP, I started spotting.

I was right on my hunch and ended up miscarrying two weeks later.  This time, I passed the baby on my own and it was the most horrible experience I've ever had, but it has made me stronger.

I am here to offer each of you support.  Without the support I received, I'm not sure that I would have gotten through these m/c.

LoriAnn87
by on Sep. 9, 2010 at 11:01 PM
1 mom liked this

Hello Everyone,

My name is Lori.

I'm a sahm to a wonderful 2 1/2 year little boy and I have been married for 3 years but with my husband for 6 years. We got pregnant right away wiht our son and we found out we were pregnant 3 weeks after we were married. We always wanted to have more kids but we wanted to wait until we had a house and our son was a little bit older. Well last year we bought our first home and our son was 2 so we decide to start trying for baby number 2. We tried for 11 months and we were so happy to get that BFP but it quicky turn sad because 7 weeks after taking the hpt I started spotting and thought nothing of it and know it was so normal but the day before our dr appt to found out for sure and out due date I started to bleed.

I know right away I was having a mc but I was trying to stay postive for my husband and I know my husband was doing the same but we knew in our hearts it was over. My mc was qick but very upsetting and painfully because we try to for so long for this baby and we had it taken away in a mintues and we didn't know why but I knew it's wasn't nothing me or my husband fault it was just god's way of saying this isn't the right time.

All of my friends never experince lossing a child so they had no clue what I was going thought so I never told them that I was pregnant or loss the baby but going thought this I did found out my true friends were and who were not. I had someone call herself christen and all into god accusing me of lying about being pregnant, that was very hurtful to say to me or anyone after just lossing your baby who have been trying for so long but when I found this group I was so happy because I finally found other moms like me who understand what I was going thought.

It has been a mont since I had my mc and I never thought I would be so happy to see aunt flow again because me and my husband can start trying again but we are not going to stress overself we are just going to see what happens.

I'm very thankfully I'm part of this group because yes I have the support of my husband and son but they really don't understand what i'm feeling or going thougth but everyone in this groups and i'm so thankfully to have support from women I never meet before. Thanks

Cafe Jenn
by Jenn on Sep. 10, 2010 at 10:34 AM

We are happy to have you a part of this group.  We wish you didn't need to be but we are happy to have your support here.  

Sending you baby dust

Quoting LoriAnn87:

Hello Everyone,

My name is Lori.

I'm a sahm to a wonderful 2 1/2 year little boy and I have been married for 3 years but with my husband for 6 years. We got pregnant right away wiht our son and we found out we were pregnant 3 weeks after we were married. We always wanted to have more kids but we wanted to wait until we had a house and our son was a little bit older. Well last year we bought our first home and our son was 2 so we decide to start trying for baby number 2. We tried for 11 months and we were so happy to get that BFP but it quicky turn sad because 7 weeks after taking the hpt I started spotting and thought nothing of it and know it was so normal but the day before our dr appt to found out for sure and out due date I started to bleed.

I know right away I was having a mc but I was trying to stay postive for my husband and I know my husband was doing the same but we knew in our hearts it was over. My mc was qick but very upsetting and painfully because we try to for so long for this baby and we had it taken away in a mintues and we didn't know why but I knew it's wasn't nothing me or my husband fault it was just god's way of saying this isn't the right time.

All of my friends never experince lossing a child so they had no clue what I was going thought so I never told them that I was pregnant or loss the baby but going thought this I did found out my true friends were and who were not. I had someone call herself christen and all into god accusing me of lying about being pregnant, that was very hurtful to say to me or anyone after just lossing your baby who have been trying for so long but when I found this group I was so happy because I finally found other moms like me who understand what I was going thought.

It has been a mont since I had my mc and I never thought I would be so happy to see aunt flow again because me and my husband can start trying again but we are not going to stress overself we are just going to see what happens.

I'm very thankfully I'm part of this group because yes I have the support of my husband and son but they really don't understand what i'm feeling or going thougth but everyone in this groups and i'm so thankfully to have support from women I never meet before. Thanks


melanbell2007
by on Sep. 10, 2010 at 7:46 PM

     Hi, my name is Melissa. I'm the mother of a 2 year old girl and have been married for almost the years. This is the first time I've really written this down. My story starts with a tragedy. My best friend went in to deliver her first child,I was going to be there to help her along with her mom and sister. When she got there they couldn't find a heartbeat...she was in the hospital 3 more days after that. I was still able to be there to help her and I was fortunate enough to be able to hold him and see how beautiful he was and give him some love before saying goodbye.

      My husband (who had been at the hospital with me every day) and I went home that last day and stopped by the store before picking up our daughter. Got the pregnancy test, was hopeful but not holding my breath...I was still not having regular periods due to extended breast feeding (at night). We got home and sure enough...pregnant; except now we couldn't feel excited about it. Days passed and I found myself hoping that indeed I was pregnant and everything would be ok. I already was talking to my baby, saying....just hang on. Two weeks after that test I started having some spotting, which I had with my daughter. Over the next two days the spotting became darker and heavier, but still just spotting. At my first appointment both my husband and I were sad. The doctor was doing the whole "what to expect during a pregnancy" spiel but I think both of us knew it was a waste of his time. He did an ultra sound (which i didn't look at) and said that I just was maybe not as far along as we thought, which part of me looking for that glimmer of hope clutched on to that and tried to hold tight. We were sent to do the blood test and told to return two days later to do another. We never made it to that second blood test. I woke up the next morning to go to work and within 5-10 mins of being awake I started cramping and bleeding very heavily. I woke up my husband and called off of work. I miscarried very quickly at that point, with in 3 hours it was pretty much over with. My bleeding almost went away completely; which was good, because I had to go to the memorial service for my best friends son that afternoon. I called her and told her what had happened (we hadn't even told her I was pregnant) just in case I had to leave quickly or ended up not being able to go. But my body held it together and the only pain that was really felt the rest of the day was emotional. It ended up being a joint memorial in my eyes, my husbands too I'm sure.

      That next day he planned a surprise get away, which would get us both out of the house. It was nice and very needed, unfortunately the cramping returned as well as the bleeding. At times I felt like there was a river rushing out of me...and the embarrassment of having that tell-tale spot on the back of your jeans......as if I needed more to deal with!

       It took me about a week to stop bleeding and I just recently had my first period since then. In a strange way I was waiting for that period, like a end to it all, a literal cleansing. I already find myself forgetting that it even happened. I know I never really dealt with it. I did plant a tree, a plumeria. But every now and then it hits me again and I get to feel my loss again. When we start to try again I know it will be hard...and like my husband said I know that we "won't be happy till we are holding our baby and everything is all right" because of both situations, but we will try again, and again and again if that's what it takes.

    

CafeMom Tickers
xoNIKKIox
by on Sep. 11, 2010 at 12:23 AM

Melissa, I'm so very sorry for your loss. And how tragic that your loss came on the heels of your best friend's stillbirth. My heart goes out to you, your BF, and your DH.

It does take time to grieve. I'm glad you're giving yourself time. You'll have good days and bad--but I promise the better moments will start to outnumber those not-so-good times.

I'm also glad you found a way to honor your baby (and with plumeria--what a lovely, fragrant flower!). I hope the blossoms from that tree will make you smile and remind you that your angel is sending love to you.

I know it is emotionally taxing to TTC after miscarriage. All of us who have experienced loss feel extra anxiety when pregnant again. But I like to think that we also cherish our pregnancies (and our babies ) a bit more, too. I wish you luck on your TTC journey.

Welcome to our group. We're glad you found us. And please know we are here for you.

Quoting melanbell2007:

     Hi, my name is Melissa. I'm the mother of a 2 year old girl and have been married for almost the years. This is the first time I've really written this down. My story starts with a tragedy. My best friend went in to deliver her first child,I was going to be there to help her along with her mom and sister. When she got there they couldn't find a heartbeat...she was in the hospital 3 more days after that. I was still able to be there to help her and I was fortunate enough to be able to hold him and see how beautiful he was and give him some love before saying goodbye.

      My husband (who had been at the hospital with me every day) and I went home that last day and stopped by the store before picking up our daughter. Got the pregnancy test, was hopeful but not holding my breath...I was still not having regular periods due to extended breast feeding (at night). We got home and sure enough...pregnant; except now we couldn't feel excited about it. Days passed and I found myself hoping that indeed I was pregnant and everything would be ok. I already was talking to my baby, saying....just hang on. Two weeks after that test I started having some spotting, which I had with my daughter. Over the next two days the spotting became darker and heavier, but still just spotting. At my first appointment both my husband and I were sad. The doctor was doing the whole "what to expect during a pregnancy" spiel but I think both of us knew it was a waste of his time. He did an ultra sound (which i didn't look at) and said that I just was maybe not as far along as we thought, which part of me looking for that glimmer of hope clutched on to that and tried to hold tight. We were sent to do the blood test and told to return two days later to do another. We never made it to that second blood test. I woke up the next morning to go to work and within 5-10 mins of being awake I started cramping and bleeding very heavily. I woke up my husband and called off of work. I miscarried very quickly at that point, with in 3 hours it was pretty much over with. My bleeding almost went away completely; which was good, because I had to go to the memorial service for my best friends son that afternoon. I called her and told her what had happened (we hadn't even told her I was pregnant) just in case I had to leave quickly or ended up not being able to go. But my body held it together and the only pain that was really felt the rest of the day was emotional. It ended up being a joint memorial in my eyes, my husbands too I'm sure.

      That next day he planned a surprise get away, which would get us both out of the house. It was nice and very needed, unfortunately the cramping returned as well as the bleeding. At times I felt like there was a river rushing out of me...and the embarrassment of having that tell-tale spot on the back of your jeans......as if I needed more to deal with!

       It took me about a week to stop bleeding and I just recently had my first period since then. In a strange way I was waiting for that period, like a end to it all, a literal cleansing. I already find myself forgetting that it even happened. I know I never really dealt with it. I did plant a tree, a plumeria. But every now and then it hits me again and I get to feel my loss again. When we start to try again I know it will be hard...and like my husband said I know that we "won't be happy till we are holding our baby and everything is all right" because of both situations, but we will try again, and again and again if that's what it takes.






tattooedmom08
by on Sep. 11, 2010 at 5:42 AM

Hi everyone my name is Brittany.

I am the mom of one little boy who is going to be 2 soon I have been with my husband for 5 years and married to him for 2. I have had 4 miscarriages jan.09, april 09, oct. 09 and I am currently going waiting for this one to start. If it doesn't begin by monday they are doing a d&c. With my first 3 miscarriages I lost them before I even had a doctors appt. so to me they weren't nearly as devastating. I had 3 ultrasounds with this baby 2 while it still had a heartbeat. The first I had at 5 weeks because we had no idea when I ovulated. The second Ihad at 7 weeks and 6 days. We found out on sept. 8th that at 9 weeks and 3 days our baby had stopped growing. I was at my 12 week appt and they couldn't find the baby's heartbeat so they did an unltrasound and she then brought the doctor in to tell me what I already knew based on her expression. 

I tried to not cry in front of the doctor but I couldn't keep my tears in she gave me a tissue and told me she was sorry. I've been in a daze since then. Because the baby is still inside of me I don't feel like its real yet I know that it is. I don't really have any one to talk to about this right now. All of my friends are either pregnant or just found out they are and I would rather not ruin someone elses joy. My husband wants to try again but I told him at the moment I just want to enjoy our little boy and not have to worry about losing another baby.



xoNIKKIox
by on Sep. 11, 2010 at 2:39 PM

Hi, Brittany. Welcome to the group. Though I am sorry you have a reason to be here, I am glad you joined us. Please know that we are here for you. And we understand the pain you are experiencing.

I am so sorry for your losses and feel heartbroken over your most recent loss. I know it is painful to still have your baby inside you, yet know that your baby's spirit has moved on. I am deeply sorry.

I know that it must be hard to even think about TTC again right now. If you don't feel ready, it is fair to tell your DH that you need time to mourn and to heal. Your body may need some time to return to its normal cycle. And you need to take the time you need to feel stronger and to let your heart mend.

Please know that we are all here to listen. Feel free to talk to us. :-) I understand not wanting to burden your pregnant friends (I've been there myself). We are happy to support you through this experience--and I hope that, later, you also feel more comfortable sharing with your friends, as good friends would want to be there for you, too.

Take care.

Quoting tattooedmom08:

Hi everyone my name is Brittany.

I am the mom of one little boy who is going to be 2 soon I have been with my husband for 5 years and married to him for 2. I have had 4 miscarriages jan.09, april 09, oct. 09 and I am currently going waiting for this one to start. If it doesn't begin by monday they are doing a d&c. With my first 3 miscarriages I lost them before I even had a doctors appt. so to me they weren't nearly as devastating. I had 3 ultrasounds with this baby 2 while it still had a heartbeat. The first I had at 5 weeks because we had no idea when I ovulated. The second Ihad at 7 weeks and 6 days. We found out on sept. 8th that at 9 weeks and 3 days our baby had stopped growing. I was at my 12 week appt and they couldn't find the baby's heartbeat so they did an unltrasound and she then brought the doctor in to tell me what I already knew based on her expression. 

I tried to not cry in front of the doctor but I couldn't keep my tears in she gave me a tissue and told me she was sorry. I've been in a daze since then. Because the baby is still inside of me I don't feel like its real yet I know that it is. I don't really have any one to talk to about this right now. All of my friends are either pregnant or just found out they are and I would rather not ruin someone elses joy. My husband wants to try again but I told him at the moment I just want to enjoy our little boy and not have to worry about losing another baby.







KaylaJustinRyan
by on Sep. 11, 2010 at 6:45 PM

Hi Everyone

My name is Kayla and I'm 18 years old

I found out I was pregnant on June 7, my sweet baby was conceived on the night before my senior prom.  Even though some people would say I'm to young to be a mother already, I was a little scared but very excited when I found out I was pregnant.  My boyfriend and the father of my child, Justin wasn't very excited at all because hes only 21 and this is his 2nd child.  When I told him that I was pregnant he wanted me to get an abortion but he knew I would never do that to any of my children. After a few weeks he started to come around and everything was going great.  Justin and I began singing and talking to the baby all the time. Before I knew it me and my mom had bought everything for the baby from the crib to baby bottles.  I thought nothing was going to go wrong.  I was prepared mentally and physically for the baby.  When I went for my first doctors appointment I found out I was 8weeks pregnant and my due date was February 2, 2011 but sadly I had to wait until I was 12 weeks to get my first ultra sound.  I went for my first ultra sound on July 29th and I found out that my precious angel died when I was 10 weeks pregnant. I got my d and c done on august 7, 2010.  The doctors ran test on my baby and they couldn't find anything wrong with him. Ive never felt so depressed and alone as I do now.  I miss my baby so much and I have no one to talk to. None of my friends understand because they haven't been pregnant before and my boyfriend doesn't understand anything Im going through.  Now I have such a hard time being around my boyfriend and his 2 year old daughter.  I try to deal with all my emotions but its so hard because it hurts me to know that my boyfriend can do things with his daughter but he will never have that chance with our child.  It causes me and my boyfriend to fight because he doesn't understand why it hurts me. I just really need someone to talk to that knows what im going through and someone that can give me advice on how to coup with everything.

xoNIKKIox
by on Sep. 11, 2010 at 9:34 PM

Kayla, I'm so sorry for your loss. You know, it can be hard for people who don't experience miscarriage to know how devastating the loss is. For some men, miscarriages may not be as emotionally painful because they don't develop the deep connection we women do, since we have the joy of carrying our babies in our bodies. And, also, Justin has to be strong for (and can find comfort in) his daughter. I'm just sorry you don't feel as supported as you need to be right now.

You are right: we do understand how you feel. I can tell you that it takes time to mourn the loss of a baby (as it would to mourn the loss of any loved one). Give yourself time to grieve and heal. Talk to people who will support you (like the ladies here). Sharing helps lighten our burdens and helps us to know we're not alone.

It may help you to find some way to honor your baby. Some women name their angels; some create memorials (gardens, stepping stones, artwork, etc); some have small services or ceremonies; some light candles. As a group, many of us will be lighting candles on October 15, which is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day (see the sticky post). Honoring your baby may help you to find greater peace.

Take care--and know we're here for you.

Quoting KaylaJustinRyan:

Hi Everyone

My name is Kayla and I'm 18 years old

I found out I was pregnant on June 7, my sweet baby was conceived on the night before my senior prom.  Even though some people would say I'm to young to be a mother already, I was a little scared but very excited when I found out I was pregnant.  My boyfriend and the father of my child, Justin wasn't very excited at all because hes only 21 and this is his 2nd child.  When I told him that I was pregnant he wanted me to get an abortion but he knew I would never do that to any of my children. After a few weeks he started to come around and everything was going great.  Justin and I began singing and talking to the baby all the time. Before I knew it me and my mom had bought everything for the baby from the crib to baby bottles.  I thought nothing was going to go wrong.  I was prepared mentally and physically for the baby.  When I went for my first doctors appointment I found out I was 8weeks pregnant and my due date was February 2, 2011 but sadly I had to wait until I was 12 weeks to get my first ultra sound.  I went for my first ultra sound on July 29th and I found out that my precious angel died when I was 10 weeks pregnant. I got my d and c done on august 7, 2010.  The doctors ran test on my baby and they couldn't find anything wrong with him. Ive never felt so depressed and alone as I do now.  I miss my baby so much and I have no one to talk to. None of my friends understand because they haven't been pregnant before and my boyfriend doesn't understand anything Im going through.  Now I have such a hard time being around my boyfriend and his 2 year old daughter.  I try to deal with all my emotions but its so hard because it hurts me to know that my boyfriend can do things with his daughter but he will never have that chance with our child.  It causes me and my boyfriend to fight because he doesn't understand why it hurts me. I just really need someone to talk to that knows what im going through and someone that can give me advice on how to coup with everything.





bumkins_mummy
by on Sep. 15, 2010 at 8:19 AM

Hi-

My name is Chrissy. About 2 mo ago i found out i was prego. I told my bf and at first he was scared to death fist time child for him. every thing was going fine. and then half way though that mo. i was at work and i started to fill sharp pains and clasped to the floor. Work called roger and he came and got me after he picked me up i was filling better. i was not bleeding or anything so i just went home and rested for a day. then about 2wks later we went to his family reunion. and we though nothing of it but i was so tired and i slept all day long. when were getting ready to leave we stopped at the store i went to the rest room and i looked down and they was so much blood. roger took me to the hosp, and we lost the baby and now i like nothing and all i want to is hide away.

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