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is it ok?

Posted by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 2:19 PM
  • 15 Replies

is it ok that i picked a date that i lost the baby.. i bled from aug 22-27th.. idk when i lost the baby because no blood clots or sac looking things.. just the bleeding.. no cramping no contractions.. so is it ok that i picked aug 25th as the baby's end date or is that just weird? i feel like i need a set date even though i didnt find out until sept.. it was 2 weeks ago this thurs i found out but i feel like i know i lost the baby while i was bleeding because it wouldnt make sense i lost it after i stopped bleeding.. soo...do you think its ok that i kinda picked a date and thats that or is that weird?

by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 2:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Cafe Jenn
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 2:22 PM

I don't think it's weird.  You do what makes you feel best.

Rachelle11503
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 2:23 PM

I honestly dont think anything is "weird" or out of the norm when it comes to grieving for our babies. You need to do whatever brings you comfort.

Txmommy13
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 2:47 PM

Im sorry, dont think its weird.With my 1st i was about 9wks or so and i could actually see the baby when i passed her so i use that date as her "angel date".And with my 2nd im not 100% sure,but i use the date that i passed (sorry tmi) the gray tissue,eventhough the actual heavy bleeding  didnt start for another week.And with my 3rd m/c i passed what i believe to be the sac on the 5th day of bleeding,so i use that as the "angel date".There is nothing weird about chosing a date for your baby.

tts
by Tara on Sep. 28, 2010 at 3:35 PM

I don't think its strange.. with my first loss, I found out on Nov. 30th that the baby had passed, but had a D&C on Dec 2nd.  I never know which "date" to think of as my babies "end" date.  I suppose the day of the surgery.. but yet- I also consider the baby had died at 8.5 weeks, 2 weeks prior to finding out on Nov. 30th.. It gets so confusing :(  And I also need certain things for closer- one of them being this!  I so get it! shrugging

 

~Tara

genabella
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 3:40 PM

Weird? Not at all... Quite honestly, even when the doctor gives you a date re: when you lost the baby or when he/she stopped developing, those numbers are based on assumptions and measurements. It's perfectly fine to select a specific date that you will use. I certainly would. The sentiment and remembrance aren't compromised in the least. I don't know if my little one would have been a boy or girl. But I named "her" just the same and decided, in my mind, that she was a girl. Yes, it's absolutely fine!

musicangl
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 4:28 PM

i wont name the baby because baby was too little to know for sure.. so baby is Angel Baby. which is just fine by me.. but i dont wanna use the day i found out because that was 3 weeks later because my insurance screwed me around.. so i figure ill stick with a day during my bleeding and go with it.. tara for me i think id use the day you found out baby had died more than the final part.. but that would be me.. i didnt have that luxury because of my insurance issues.. all i know is aug 22nd i had a baby with a strong heartbeat and good levels.. took them 3 weeks to get my insurance to me and i had nomore baby or siogn of a baby and my levels came back not preg... so i have no definitive day

Just-looney
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 4:50 PM
I'm sorry for your loss. Nothing weird about it.
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catiedid
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 5:10 PM

I don't think its wierd at all. And I am kinda in the same position as Tara, I found out on sept 13th at 16 weeks that the baby had no heart beat but I was induced and delivered him on the 20th, so I don't really know what date to go with either. I think I choose the 20th because even though I found out on the 13th there was still that irrational hope that I would get a miracle and the baby would be fine and it wasn't til I delivered that I lost that hope.

Quoting tts:

I don't think its strange.. with my first loss, I found out on Nov. 30th that the baby had passed, but had a D&C on Dec 2nd.  I never know which "date" to think of as my babies "end" date.  I suppose the day of the surgery.. but yet- I also consider the baby had died at 8.5 weeks, 2 weeks prior to finding out on Nov. 30th.. It gets so confusing :(  And I also need certain things for closer- one of them being this!  I so get it! shrugging

 

~Tara




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GoldenLinds
by Silver Member on Sep. 28, 2010 at 5:42 PM

 I think we all have something quirky that we have had to get hung up on in order to rationalize everything. The unfortunate thing is that no matter your situation there are always so many questions with m/c and sometimes you just havet o fill in the blanks in order to move on. I think choosing a day is entirely normal.

kimscorner
by Bronze Member on Sep. 28, 2010 at 7:30 PM

I don't have a date either, so I just use the date I found out there was no heartbeat.  My sonogram on Sept 2 showed everything ok, including a heartbeat I got to hear.  On the Sept 15th I started to bleed alittle and had an emergency sonogram that afternoon.  I learned that there had been no continued growth since the previous sonogram and there was no longer a heartbeat.

I lost the baby somewhere during that 6th week mark, according to measurements from the sonogram, but I don't know exactly when either.  So, I just use the date that the baby's passing was confirmed.

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