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Friend just had a baby and...

Posted by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 9:14 PM
  • 6 Replies

I can't feel happy for her! What is wrong with me as a person that I can't be thrilled for her that her new little boy is healthy and they are happy.   I know this was an ooopppsss baby and they didn't want any more, and I lost my much wanted,planned baby and I'm insanely jealous.

She wants me to come visit and I just don't think I can do it. When I saw the facebook post that the baby was born I just wanted to curl into a ball and die.

To top it off I'm feeling really crappy this week and need to go get my blood draw for the final check of my HCG levels as it was two weeks LAST week. I couldn't get it done as my oldest duaghter had medical issue come up that I spent all my time dealing with. Now she's better and we are scheduled tighter then a tight this week so I don't think I'll be able to fit it in now either. I just want to have some closure I want to know my levels are zero and move on with life. I don't think we'll be TTC I've left all the TTC and pregnancy related groups I just don't feel I can go thru this again.

by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 9:14 PM
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Replies (1-6):
Rachelle11503
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 9:19 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss. There is nothing wrong with you. It is very understandable that you can't be happy for your friend right now. If its going to upset you, then don't worry about going to visit until you are emotionally ready. It does not mean you are a bad friend, you went through something very traumatizing, and you need some time to heal. After my first miscarriage I was a lot like you with the TTC stuff...I wanted to avoid it and all pregnancy groups as well. Everyone handles grief differently.
We are all here for you, anytime. HUGS

xoNIKKIox
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 10:28 PM

huggingWanted to start with a hug

Nothing is wrong with you. You're human and you've experienced a tremendous loss. I bet there is a part of you that is happy for your friend--but that part and that joy is eclipsed by your own pain and longing. That's understandable. It doesn't make you a bad person; it makes you a grieving, hurt person.

If you can't visit ow, explain that to your friend. A good friend will understand that you are in pain and need more time to heal and be strong before you can celebrate with her. If you can, you might send her a card and/or a small gift (if not for he baby, then for her as a new mom) to let her know you value your friendship and care about her. Focus on your friend, if focusing on the baby is too difficult. (And, if this is too hard, just let it go for now.)

You need to give yourself time. You are still having bloodwork done, so you haven't had closure, which is hard.You have healing left to do.

If you opt not to TTC, that's fine. If you opt to start TTC again, that's also fine. Do whatever feels right for you. And don't feel the need to make a hard and fast decision now (or ever). Our perspectives can change over time.

Take care. I'm thinking of you.

Steel.Magnolia
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 10:47 PM

 I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't think it's not that you aren't happy for her. It just hurts. I know.... I have a ton of friends & family pregnant right now. Take some more time to heal. I'm sure your friend would understand.

Just-looney
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 11:38 PM
I know how you feel. I am having a hard time not hating someone in my famliy. I lost my baby two weeks ago, got my last blood test today too. This would have been my third baby( after two kids was told I couldn't get pregnant again). My famliy member has two kids and she can't take care of them. Now she got another on the way. I just don't know why I feel this way but it's hard not to scream over it. I'm sorry you're going through it too( I wouldn't wish it on anyone). I'm told it's a normal response after m/c and it'll take time to come to terms with it. Don't get pushed into what you can't handle. Tell her it may be a little longer because of your loss. I would hope she'd understand, but sometimes unless you've been through it ya won't. Good luck.
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MommaWolf2010
by Bronze Member on Sep. 29, 2010 at 12:08 AM

I have gone thru a simalar issue with my friends except they ditched me... Any girl i know that I can see it preg I am def very jealous of.. It is ok to feel this way it is normal!!! I promise I do it each and every day! I avoid those ppl bc it hurts so bad... Just let ur self heal and if she is a real friend she will be ready for u to come around when u are ready to!

echupko
by on Sep. 29, 2010 at 6:30 AM
I'm sorry for your loss. What you are feeling is completely normal, it's hard to be excited for someone else when you are grieving. Don't worry about visiting or ttc again until you are emotionally ready. Take some time for yourself. HUGS


Mommy to three beautilful children! Parker (06/29/05), Paxton (03/01/09), and Payton who was born with her angel wings (05/28/10).

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