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Still having a rough time

Posted by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 7:02 AM
  • 9 Replies

I know that what I'm thinking is completely crazy but here it it.  Before my u/s where I found out I had a blighted ovum, there was one small blood clot that came out.  What if that was my undeveloped baby?  Then I keep thinking, what if I did this.  I know that one risk factor for m/c is obesity and I am well overweight, so what if I did this?  I'm in good health except for the weight.  I was exercising 4 times a week before I got pregnant but the weight didn't go anywhere. 

by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 7:02 AM
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Replies (1-9):
echupko
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 7:05 AM

DONT blame yourself, you did nothing to cause this!!!  So many of us blame ourselves when we aren't given answers and it is not true and only causes more pain.  I'm sorry you are hurting.  It will get "easier" one day I promise.  HUGS and prayers to you.

Rachelle11503
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 8:48 AM

You really have to try not to blame yourself!! This was not your fault. I know its hard to, I still do at times, but it only hurts you. BIG HUGS

Irish_Angels
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 8:54 AM

Hun, don't think that way.  I had three ectopics in my right fallopian tube and had to choose to take a shot to destroy the fetal tissue in one instance and then this last one I had to choose to remove the tube altogether with my baby in it.  That was clearly my fault, but I had no choice because it would never have survived.  My tube would have exploded and both of us would have died.  And as far as being overweight, the risk of mc is not that great for being overweight.  You didn't do this horrible thing.  It just happened to you, not because of you.  I'm sending you a big hug and know that IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT.  hugs

desperatelyTTC
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 11:51 AM

 Aw sweetie, it is not your fault. Please do not blame yourself. I pray that is gets better with time. (((HUGS)))

tina01446
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 11:55 AM
1st off, its not your fault. even i youre overweight. you didnt do anything on purpose ya know. i m\c march 2010. i didnt know i was pregnant until i was about a month along and was heavy into drinking. i didnt do it on purpose of course, but i feel horribly. i lost my baby at 8 weeks pregnant and when i was in the er i passed my baby. it was the most heartshattering thing ive ever been through. if you ever want to talk, im here. i need a friend sometimes too.
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rebekahmuse
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 12:29 PM

I'm sorry honey. But it's NOT your fault. It's hard. I know for me I wanted to find someone to blame. It will get easier over time. ((HUGS))

budnickis
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 1:06 PM

It's not your fault .  You didn't know you were pregnant.  I'm sure that you stopped drinking when you found out.   The universe is so unfair.  You lost your baby, but someone that drinks their whole pregnacy knowing that they are pregnant gets to keep their baby.  It drives me crazy. 
Right now I work for a lady that is pregnant-due the same week I was-who is still smoking!  But she gets to keep her baby.  I didn't even have caffine when I was pregnant!  GRRRR!!!

xoNIKKIox
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 3:11 PM

Okay, take some deep breaths. As others have said, this is NOT your fault. You did NOT cause your miscarriage. Yes, obesity has been linked to greater statistical occurrence of miscarriage. HOWEVER, this is not a matter of simple cause-and-effect. Being overweight or obese doesn't "automatically" cause miscarriage. There are other physiological factors at stake.

Also, being overweight is not the same as being obese. Further, the big risk comes from being morbidly obese.Keep in mind that people who are morbidly obese tend to have a number of other health complications that add to the risk of miscarriage.

Believe me: I understand the self-blame. Many of us do. If it weren't weight, you'd probably find something else to question. Me, I even went so far as to question whether I'd stood too close to the microwave too often. (No joke!) I think we tend to blame ourselves because we are desperate for a reason why. WHY US? WHY OUR BABIES? If we have a reason (no matter how far-fetched or that it pins blame on us), we can, perhaps, find a solution or method of prevention. I was overweight and that led to my loss? So I'll lose weight and avoid tragedy. I stood to close to the microwave or had a cup of coffee? I won't do that again. Unfortunately, though, most instances of miscarriage cannot be prevented. And they are NOT caused by us.

You are NOT to blame.

hugging

 

Wildflower1976
by on Feb. 9, 2011 at 7:19 PM
Do not blame yourself for anything. I kept doing the same thing when I lost my twins at 12 wks because I had done a lot of heavy lifting before finding out that I was pregnant at 7 wks. Its hard to not think what if. Getting pass a miscarriage is taking that next step of not blaming yourself. Will be thinking of you.
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