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Still Negative

Posted by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 8:05 AM
  • 3 Replies

So, we did the BD last night.  I cried a little after, is that wierd?  It just hit me that here we are again, trying again.  I got another Neg on the OPK this morning even though I had a change in CM again this morning.  It's getting very frusterating.  As soon as I think I have things figured out, I don't.  I wish I didn't want this so bad.  I wish I could just sit back and let life happen.  I grew up in a house with 4 kids, my oldest sibling is 20 yrs older than the youngest.  The 2 oldest are 15 mo apart, then 14 yrs until me and then 6 until my sister.  So I have always had in my head I couldn't have this big gap between kids.  My siblings and I are so all over the place in our lives it makes it hard to be close.  I have always been hung up on my kids not being far apart.  Which is why a year ago I was ready and my husband not being ready, really pisses me off now.  All he can say is "If I knew then..."  JACKASS!  I feel like I am really going to start taking this out on him!  It's not fair I know.

I have always had a lot of faith in God and I am really hoping all of my prayers are going to be answered this month.  It's just a let down every time you hope for something, even if you don't necessarily expect it, but constantly having your hope SQUASHED sucks!!!!  I really wish Drs would do something after a mc rather than sending you on your way to "wait" it out.  GRRRRR!

by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 8:05 AM
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Replies (1-3):
echupko
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 9:30 AM

 Im sorry, I hope it happens for you very very soon

rebekahmuse
by on Mar. 2, 2011 at 9:39 AM

 I'm sorry honey. I know how you feel about wanting to have kids close together. I wanted to have kids very close together, but my husband always had a reason that we should wait. He always agreed he wanted more, but to him the time was never right. Then when we had our miscarriage, I think he felt really bad about not trying before then. I do have to say though, growing up I had a sister who was 10 years older than me, a brother who was 2 and my little sister is 6 years younger than me. My brother passed away, however once we grew up we were all very close. My sisters and I still are. So I don't think that just because there's a lapse, doesn't mean that they won't be close. I hope you get your BFP soon. ((HUGS))

desperatelyTTC
by on Mar. 3, 2011 at 1:42 PM

 I hope it happens soon. (((HUGS)))

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