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Just want one day to not hurt!

Posted by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 5:03 PM
  • 4 Replies

I just can't seem to get through a day without wanting to cry or throw something. I go to work everyday to listen to one woman talk about her baby moving inside her and yeah I am happy for her,,but so find it hard to listen to her talk when I will never feel my baby inside me again. Another girl just found out she is pregnant and she talks about how nasueas she is and how she just had a ultrasound of her baby. It just sucks! Then after busting my butt at work all day I come home to three kids who are hungry,,Or bored,,Or need something. Then I have my roommate who asks me like every minutes how I am feeling. She means well ,,yes I know she does,,but I don't feel like discussing my loss 24hrs a day. Then finally my boyfriend comes home,,and he just drives me over the edge. He is like all over me one day then the next day he disappears and stays out till like 1am. I get so mad at him,,and I am not really mad he goes out with his friends cause he deserves to unwind also. I just wish he could tell me that he took off and is with his buddys cause I hear nothing from him until he shows up at 1am. I am still cramping and bleeding and I feel totally miserable. I hate that I cry at the stupidest things. Seriously am I ever gonna be normal again. I just hate my self and I hate that I could not carry my baby full term. I loved him and was looking forward to the day I could hold him in my arms. Now I don't feel like doing anything. I don't feel like hanging out with my friends or going out with my boyfriend or even just sitting around with my kids. Does that sound horrible? Yes I am sure it does,,but I have been so busy with everyone around me always asking how I am ,,and so busy worried about my boyfriend,,THAT SINCE THE DAY I HELD MY BABY IN MY PALM,,,,,I have not had one second alone to just cry or acknowledge that my baby is truly gone. I spend my days being there for everyone else,,and maybe get 5minutes to myself before trying to get 4hrs of sleep before working my 10 hr shift. I just am not sure I am take much more. I just can't stand pretending like I am ok and things are ok.

by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 5:03 PM
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Replies (1-4):
newmom2be08
by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 5:12 PM

I am so sorry.  Was your loss recent?  I felt like a ball of emotions when I miscarried last November.  I cried several times a day and just couldn't get over the loss at first.  I wondered if I would ever feel normal again, and 8 months later, it doesn't hurt as much as it did in the beginning.  However, I will never forget.  :(   Give yourself time to grieve and please know that what you are feeling is perfectly normal.  We are here for you!  Hugs to you! 

mommyofnoah208
by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 5:13 PM

 I am so sorry you are having such a rough time. This is really a hard thing to get through, and although it seems impossible to ever feel better you will with time. Maybe try seeing a grief counselor so you can devout that time to yourself and your sadness and have someone help you through it. And maybe try to take a day off work and just be alone for the day, see if someone can watch your kids. THinking of you and hoping you are able to find peace

Simplysweet43
by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 5:14 PM

My baby was miscarried one week ago today!

busyizzybsmom
by Gold Member on Aug. 17, 2011 at 5:15 PM
I'm so sorry, sweetie. There will come a day when you will make it through without crying, but it may take a few weeks. I hope things get better for you! We're all here for you!
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