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Having a moment....

Posted by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 11:12 PM
  • 11 Replies
I've been doing ok but it's the moments that catch me out of the blue that I am struggling with the most. Like yesterday I was pushing my son in his stroller around the park and a song came on and I completely broke down....right there in the park and I just kept walking, I didn't even care who was looking at me. (poor people at the park)
It's just so unexpected when it happens. Just when I think I'm coping ok, I lose it. I know it is still new for me but how do you deal with your triggers?
by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 11:12 PM
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by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 11:15 PM

 I know what you mean. One minute I'm fine that next minute I'm crying my eyes out beacuse something made me think or reminded me of a baby or pregnancy. It will probably happen for a while but we'll get past it.

by Gold Member on Aug. 17, 2011 at 11:21 PM

That's happened to me too! I can generally prepare myself when I know my triggers are coming, now I just have to figure out what all of the triggers are. :( Sometimes they still get to me even when I know they're coming, but I think that's just to be expected at this point. :(

by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 11:24 PM

 I kinda always just let it happen if I could because I thought it would be better then trying to bottle it up all the time. You will have those moments for awhile and sometimes the smallest things will set you off. I hope that you are able to find peace soon and you start to have more happy days and moments then sad days. Thinking of you. Also as time passed or I didn't want to have random break downs and tried to keep it in, I would allow myself to break down during my own times...When I would get time to my self I would listen to songs about loss that I found comfort in and looked through his stuff and just let myself cry and be sad, and it was such a good release. Take care

by on Aug. 18, 2011 at 12:13 PM

I did that in the beginning too, but what really caught me off guard was when I was at the park yesterday.  I was chatting with a grandma there and we were talking about raising kids and she said is Jacob your first?  I said yes, but I started to tear up because I was thinking of the other two we lost.  This is after 8 months and I still get emotional about it.  When we were biking back, I, where did that come from because I have moved on and I feel back to "normal", although I will never forget.  Hugs to you! 

by on Aug. 18, 2011 at 1:17 PM

I'm a little over a month past my mc, and I have those moments a few times a week.  I have more good days than bad, but it does just sneak up sometimes out of nowhere.  Certain songs I have to avoid if I'm not in a position to cry, but otherwise, there is no rhym or reason as to when those moments happen.  I was out walking my dogs this morning and all of the sudden I thought about the mc and there came the tears.  I think we just have to let it happen and go with it.  Who cares what others think.  

by on Aug. 18, 2011 at 1:53 PM

 I know exactly what you mean, happened to me the other day. You're having some great days and then, all of a sudden, a moment, or a whole day just sneaks up on you. Hope you have a better day with lots of smiles =)))

-Tricia (32) DH Andrew (33), DS Damian (7), DS "Litle" Andrew (5) and 2 angel babies

by on Aug. 18, 2011 at 10:55 PM

I think its important to take that moment and let yourself grieve even if you wait until you are alone.  Its all apart of the process that will help you eventually move on.  Im sorry you had a rough day but moments are normal so try not to stress about it too much... Just come talk to us when you have them and we will help you!!


by Ashley on Aug. 18, 2011 at 11:05 PM
Thanks so much for the was tough as I held a three week old baby. My friend and I were pregnant together only for a short while. I found out I was pregnant right before I threw her a pamper party, so I think I was triggered a bit...but it was ok, he is a beautiful baby and I just kept telling myself that this was unrelated to my loss but it did end up ruining my afternoon thinking about my baby.
I looked online to find music to help as I love music and think it can be healing and ended up sinking a little further down, although I found great music.
I called a friend and he helped, it's just a shitty thing to go through so I'm just gonna have to deal with it.
We did decide we aren't gonna prevent pregnancy so hoprfully it won't take long and maybe my angel will be back!
Thanks for your comments and support and I guess I should apologize to the people in the park again:)
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 3:35 AM

When I had moments of needing to cry, I let myself. Even if I was at work--I found a private place (restroom--or a corner of my office) and let myself have the cry. It gave me some relief and was a release. I also visualized a lot. I would picture myself holding my future baby and put myself in that moment so intensely that I could feel the love and warmth of being mom to that child. I pictured myself pregnant, too, and felt excitement and joy. Focusing on and anticipating all the good kept me feeling positive and helped to chase my blues away.

by Ashley on Aug. 19, 2011 at 5:01 AM
That is really good advice too, thanks. I do think it is best to stay positive and just let yourself feel what you need to. I'm in an office by myself but people randomly drop in but ive broke down a few times at my desk and haven't got caught yet, so who knows. I have a few coworkers that know what happened so it's nice to reach out to them too. Thanks for the advice :)
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