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3 times this has happened why??

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 5:02 PM
  • 7 Replies

Hello,

My name is Judy, I'm 33 and I have two children. I just suffered from my 3rd mc about a week ago. I'm so angry and hurt. This baby wasn't planned so at first I wasn't happy, then I grew to be so excited. I found out at what should have been my 9wk appt that I  have a blighted ovum. For those of you that don't know, bc I didn't...it's when the sac, and placenta form but no baby. The egg is fertilized but due to a chromozomal problem the baby either never forms or is absorbed. What's terrible is my hcg levels were going up, so no bleeding and all the positive pg symptoms.

I feel like God hates me and that I'm being punished!! Am I that terrible of a mom? I just don't understand why? Why me again? I just want to cry and be left alone. But my kids need me and to be honest I need them. I had accepted having two children I was happy with two, I had healed from my other two losses. I thought this was a surprise from God, now I feel like it was a terrible trick. When I say things like this people say you sound crazy, I think you need counseling, or God's ways are not ours he has a plan. I just want to scream!!

I feel so alone, DH has moved on and so has everyone else. I feel like I'm expected to just "move on", "suck it up"  When I try to tell DH how I feel he gets that I've checked out look. I want to scream cry with me, yell with me....something!!  There won't be another baby and that hurts so bad.  I thought I only wanted two children, but now... I just feel so empty.

by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 5:02 PM
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Replies (1-7):
marsh48433
by Lisa, Michigan mom on Nov. 9, 2011 at 5:32 PM

I am so sorry for your losses!  I can totally relate to your anger, I still have a lot myself and certain days it's more present than others.  I've had two losses, one at 16 weeks 2.5 years ago and one at 10 weeks just this past August.  I was devastated with both but I think even more angry w/the 2nd because I honestly didn't think God would do this to me again!!!  I am also sorry your DH isn't being very supportive......men aren't the best in that area.  They do what they can but it doesn't ever seem to be enough, at least not for me!  I am glad you found this group.  You'll get some amazing support here!  HUGS!

MK1976
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 7:39 PM
I'm sorry sweetie.
echupko
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 7:42 PM
I'm so sorry, my first loss was a blighted ovum (found out at 11w). God doest hate you!

Hugs and prayers
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Ashleysnicholas
by Ashley on Nov. 9, 2011 at 9:37 PM
I'm so sorry for your losses. I have lost two babies but neither were blighted ovums.
God doesn't hate you although I understand the feelings. I am struggling with that myself.
lunabella79
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:13 PM
i am so sorry hun and I completely understand how you feel I also have 2 boys, but we had been trying for our 3rd for a year and when I finally got pregnant last June I was beyond the moon and stars happy! At 9 1/2 weeks I found out my baby boy had passed :( I couldn't believe that it had been torn away from me so fast. Then in October I found out I was pregnant and mc right away. That was my 3rd mc! Now I'm 4 weeks and terrified that it will happen again.
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AmberAustin
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 3:51 AM
Honey I know exactly what your going through. I had my d&c yesterday for my second m/c first at 11 wks this one at 9wks. Im angry with God also. Ive never been a particularly religious person but I am a believer and have always tried to stay strong spiritually and am having a hard time coping with the idea that God gives babies everyday to people who dont deserve them (not being judgemental but I mean child abusers and such) and here we are who genuinely love our children or want to love a child and suffer these great losses. I get tired of hearing God has a plan bc if so why doesnt he share it with me? We all love you and feel for you momma. So sorry for your loss and just know you have people who relate and share your pain. We dont have to carry these burdons alone.
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newmom2be08
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 10:32 AM

I am sorry for your losses.  I remember going through my anger stage of grief.  I was mad at God and I am a strong Christian.  I realized later that it is not His fault, but that this world is not perfect.  When people say things that might be hurtful such as "it's God' plan", please know they are just trying to be helpful.  Most don't know what to say and get that 'deer in the headlights' look when someone says the word "miscarriage."  We are here for you and will help you through it!  HUGS!

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