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Feeling kind of pressured

Posted by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 5:21 PM
  • 12 Replies
My husband and i lost our baby girl about three weeks ago, she was 32 weeks. He works on the road a lot, and will be going to Mexico at the end of the month. I havent been bleeding here lately, like i was and because of the complications we had with my daughter we didnt have sex for like two months before i gave natural birth to her. We have talked about having sex since he is leaving in only a few weeks. We have both agreed that emotionally if i got pregnant again it would be a struggle but at the same time we both want to be parents. Is it too soon to be even considering having sex? We have been doing little things to make us feel intimate like showering together but i feel like i want more closeness and i have a limited amount of time to get it. He would be gone for a total of three months but would be back every two weeks for about three days. I have an appointment on monday with my ob, but it has been on my mind, and i keep feeling guilty that i cant satisfy my husband. Any advice will help.
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 5:21 PM
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by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 6:49 PM
Only you know if its to soon. If you feel like you're ready than I say go ahead. I had sex a week after my d&c with my first miscarriage.
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by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 10:38 PM
I agree only you know when it is time to have sex. If you feel you arent ready just talk to your hubby. I had the same problem only it had only been a week since we had a mc and my husband works so much and is constantly out of town so I know how u feel. I felt like I didnt sant to.let him down when I hadnt seen him in a few days so it took us a week but Im not gonna lie I was worried but once we had that intamacy i felt a lot better. Hope everything goes ok.
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by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 11:14 PM
It seems pretty early still, just be open with your hubby. Talk with your dr. So sorry
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by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 11:47 PM
Its up to you when you want to start having sex again. I waited a week after my miscarriage. So sorry for your loss ;(
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by on Dec. 4, 2011 at 2:33 AM
I wanted to have sex with my husband the day of my surgery to feel close to him. But then as reality sunk in weeks later we went a month without anything at all bc I just couldnt do it. Sometimes I sucked it up and did it bc I know he needs it to feel loved. However, you know how you feel. Maybe you could try some foreplay only and see if you're up for it?
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by Lisa, Michigan mom on Dec. 4, 2011 at 9:23 AM

You can only answer the "too soon" question.  You know yourself and your DH the best.  I would discuss things with your doctor too.  The only reason I say this is because you delievered at 32 weeks and your doc may want you to wait.  With my 1st loss we waited 6 weeks before having sex and 6 months before trying to get pregnant again, doc's orders and I think that was very helpful!  It was our first loss and emotionally waiting was very helpful.  HUGS & prayers for you!  Hoping your decision becomes easier to make!

by on Dec. 4, 2011 at 10:31 AM

I would talk to you doctor if it is too soon to try again.  I know the earlier the loss, the sooner you can try to conceive again.  In your case, you were pretty far along and I would think that your body needs some time to heal before it would be "ready" to handle another pregnancy.  Again, please talk to your doctor.  They can help you.  Hugs! 

by on Dec. 5, 2011 at 4:51 PM
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I hope you were able to check in with your doctor. You lost your baby when she was pretty far along (32 weeks). If you think about childbirth: you're advised not to have sex for 4-6 weeks so that your body can heal. So your healing time may be close to this.

There's emotional readiness and there physical readiness to consider. Please make sure you're physically healed and okay to have sex. Take care.

by on Dec. 6, 2011 at 11:30 PM
I'm so sorry you are faced with this choice and a separation so soon after your loss. I'm not one to give advice on this, DH and I had sex about a week after our loss (ectopic) and have been doing it less frequently than before, but weekly. It has been four weeks since my surgery. We were told to wait six weeks, but emotionally, I have been craving the intimacy of making love and I needed it to start my emotional healing process. We have been taking it slow and had low expectations, (thinking we might need to stop if it hurt at all) but once we were sure it wasn't painful, we don't feel as guilty for defying the doctor's orders. We were told not to try to conceive for three months, so we aren't trying to conceive, but not preventing either, since we never got pregnant before. If you are the fertile type, you might want to use protection to avoid pregnancy so soon after your loss. And I definitely echo the other mom who said start with foreplay and go from there. Thats what we did. Don't push your body to do something it's not ready for. If you feel like something hurts or you aren't ready, it's ok to stop. Three months of having your DH away sounds so long, but it will fly by, and the time apart will likely strengthen your relationship. I'm praying for you!
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by on Dec. 6, 2011 at 11:52 PM

I think the timing on sex is completely up to you. I've never had  a loss that far along but after our loss in May I believe we had sex about 4 days after the m/c. It wasn't something we planned, we were both just very emotional and it was just "right".   GL sweetie and I'm sorry about your loss =0( 

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