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Miscarried 5 days ago, having a hard time =/

Posted by on Jan. 29, 2012 at 10:23 AM
  • 5 Replies

I became pregnant for the first time in November 2011. I found out a month later, and a month after that I miscarried. It started with an ultrasound displaying a baby at 8 weeks 4 days but o heartbeat. then a week later I started bleeding and cramping. went to the ER and found out it was a miscarriage. I had a natural miscarriage and it was the most pain I've ever felt in my life, but I believe I had it easy compared to a lot of women who go through worse. It was all over in 1 day. but the emotional toll it takes on you doesn't end just like that. and it honestly probably never ends. I had thought I was ok for a while and then I just started thinking and all the emotions came back. now, this is where my brain is at. and I was wondering if anyone has gone through this thought process.

I know this is only my first, but it is so hard. we weren't trying to get pregnant, it was a surprise, but yet we were so very happy with the idea of having that baby....and for a month we thought and planned and even bought things for it....and then it was all taken away. I am a believer in Christ and I know that God works things out, and I know I'll have a healthy baby someday (maybe even more than one) but my brain is still in the greieving stage and right now, it's in the mindset of I don't want A baby, I wanted THIS baby. I don't's like if you're married to someone you really love, and then they die. you feel like it would be betraying them to marry feel like it wouldnt be right or you fear that you could never love them as much as that first person. well that's how I feel right now. that was my baby, whether it lived for 8 weeks or 8 months it still was my baby and grew in me. and I guess I'm scared that when I actually have one I will be forgetting about this one, or that it won't feel the same and I won't know how to love it fully.

has anyone else felt that way? if so how did you deal with it?

by on Jan. 29, 2012 at 10:23 AM
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by on Jan. 29, 2012 at 10:55 AM

I am so sorry for your loss!  I know exactly how you feel.  I miscarried for the second time just two weeks ago, so I am feeling a lot of the same pain as you.  You have to trust that after some time you will be ready to try again, and no matter how many more kids you have, you will always remember and love this one.  You can do something special  to honor this baby and get some kind of keepsake so that it will always be a part of you.  I found a bracelet online that I ordered and wear and everytime I look down at it I think of my baby and how much I love and miss him/her.  The bracelet also made a donation to PAIL (pregnancy and infant loss)  so that made me feel better too that it would go towards research and helping find answers as to why these things happen so much.  Just a suggestion, it was something that helped me.  Hang in there, as hard as it seems right now, it does get better.  The pain doesn't ever leave your heart, but it does get better.

by on Jan. 29, 2012 at 2:00 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss :( grieving is definately a long back and forth journey with many strong emotions. We will always miss and love our babies we lost. I lost my son july 2010 and still think about him daily and wonder the what ifs, but its not the same overwhelming pain. As for getting pregnant again and having another baby it is very bittersweet and brings back emotions, but having another baby isnt replacing your baby you lost, just adding to your love and family. Maybe make or buy something in memory of your angel to help you still always keep that connection with your baby and to have sonething tangible to hold or look at. Thinking of you
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by Bronze Member on Jan. 29, 2012 at 3:12 PM

 I miscarried at 8 weeks last year (still haven't found out the sex of that baby yet...I can, it is stored, just hasn't been tested for the gender).  I'm now 31 weeks pregnant with a little girl.  I know the idea of feeling like you are betraying the lost one, but then I also think that maybe that baby came for a very short time for a reason.

I don't dwell on the loss, because I still carried that baby, I'll always be that baby's mother, and that baby just waits for me one day.  But that baby left to let this one come instead....and surely there must be a reason for that.  Had I had the baby last year, the one I'm carrying now wouldn't come because this is my last pregnancy.  I'm 40 years old and I have 3 children already.  I don't want anymore after this.

Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

 Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Pregnancy tickers

by on Jan. 29, 2012 at 6:47 PM

I have felt the same way you are feeling sweetie... I truly think it is just a normal part of the grieving process.... planned or not it was something you wanted that was taken away let yourself feel how you have too cry when you need too... I made the mistake of trying to stay strong and it has all caught up with me...

by on Jan. 30, 2012 at 2:34 PM

 thanks everyone. those are great suggestions, I actually just found this site called, and a woman runs it who hand makes teddy bears for women who have lost a child, and she individually makes each oone esspecially for each person, so I signed up for one of those and I think that will really help me.

and I know what you mean ARaeMommy. for days after it happened I was trying to keep my mind off of it and keep busy, I went to work all happy and trying to get my life back to normal. then a couple days ago it all caught up to me, and I've been having to deal with all these emotions. I tried to be strong, but ignoring it is not strength. dealing with it is what makes you strong.

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