Miscarried 5 days ago, having a hard time =/
became pregnant for the first time in November 2011. I found out a
month later, and a month after that I miscarried. It started with an
ultrasound displaying a baby at 8 weeks 4 days but o heartbeat. then a
week later I started bleeding and cramping. went to the ER and found out
it was a miscarriage. I had a natural miscarriage and it was the most
pain I've ever felt in my life, but I believe I had it easy compared to a
lot of women who go through worse. It was all over in 1 day. but the
emotional toll it takes on you doesn't end just like that. and it
honestly probably never ends. I had thought I was ok for a while and
then I just started thinking and all the emotions came back. now, this
is where my brain is at. and I was wondering if anyone has gone through
this thought process.
I know this is only my first, but it is so hard. we weren't trying to get pregnant, it was a surprise, but yet we were so very happy with the idea of having that baby....and for a month we thought and planned and even bought things for it....and then it was all taken away. I am a believer in Christ and I know that God works things out, and I know I'll have a healthy baby someday (maybe even more than one) but my brain is still in the greieving stage and right now, it's in the mindset of I don't want A baby, I wanted THIS baby. I don't know....it's like if you're married to someone you really love, and then they die. you feel like it would be betraying them to marry again....you feel like it wouldnt be right or you fear that you could never love them as much as that first person. well that's how I feel right now. that was my baby, whether it lived for 8 weeks or 8 months it still was my baby and grew in me. and I guess I'm scared that when I actually have one I will be forgetting about this one, or that it won't feel the same and I won't know how to love it fully.
has anyone else felt that way? if so how did you deal with it?