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Why are people like that!

Posted by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:16 PM
  • 6 Replies
Hey, its me, Anna again. I had my miscarriage at 12wks. Twin girls(Alexandra&Charlize). I just needed to vent a bit, so bear with me on this one;

I can't believe the nerve of some people!! Today. I had multiple women(no one from here), trying to preach to me about my life and my girls! I couldn't believe it! They were sitting there telling me that basically, my life was messed up and it was my own fault. One had told me that I was too young to be feeling sad over my girls and I needed to grow up! Can you believe that! I may be only 18 but hell if I didn't love and care for my girls as much as any other mom would! I can't believe how some of these people try to sit there and act like they know everything, when they themselves have never even been through anything like that! And that same woman was saying how she hoped to god I never got pregnant again!(she said this at response to me getting depressed after my miscarriage and almost Telling me that I needed to grow up and act more mature!

Honestly I was soooo angry and frustrated hearing all this. I have been doing so much better since my loss of my girls thanks to you wonderful ladies, but that struck a cord with me. And now I'm feeling so much more sad again. I don't want to let things like that and horrible people like that get to me, but it is. I want to get better, not worse, and hearing those things today is making me lose my confidence in myself to make it through this again...
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:16 PM
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by Amy on Feb. 9, 2012 at 1:16 AM
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((hugs)) i'm sorry they said those things to you hun because no matter how young or old you are a loss is a loss and it's still very hard.  Just ignore what they said because they haven't been in your shoes before and don't no what it's like.

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by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 11:25 AM

I'm sorry they said those things to you.  :(  Hugs to you! 

by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 11:26 AM
Sorry :( people can really be so harsh
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by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 3:50 PM

Anna after reading this i am so angry i dont know what to say... I dont understand why ppl have to be like this... I am so sorry love but i understand what you are going thru 100% as I also lost twins... :-( *hugs*

by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 7:17 PM
Some people can be so sounds like they are really bad at giving advice. sounds like you are a lot more mature than these women! Of course you would be depressed you experienced two losses :(..don't let them get you down.
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by on Feb. 10, 2012 at 6:16 PM

Sadly, you are learning through cruel experience that there are many people in the world who lack sensitivity, understanding, and empathy. They also clearly have yet to learn the golden rule (to do unto others as they would like others to do unto them) as well as a timeless adage that I will take the liberty to reword in my irritation: if you have nothing nice to say, shut the F*@# up. LOL!

Remember: they are showing their own shortcomings by being so callous. Try your best to move past the remarks they have made. It can also help to prepare a response, should they preach to you again. If you're Christian, you could say something like, "I'm so glad I believe in God--and know that only He can judge me. And that He will also offer final judgment on those who judge others." (And smile. LOL!)

Or, to keep religion out of it, you could simply point out their rudeness: "I don't appreciate or need your comments." If they continue, I say be stern and say in a louder voice: "Apparently, you did not hear me, so I will repeat: I don't appreciate or need your comments. Your comments are rude and insensitive. Keep them to yourself." I suppose you could end with "thank you," if you're nicer than I am. LOL! ;-)

People like this don't expect anyone to call them on their behavior. If anything, they may be ready for you to attack back in a way that invites them to be more negative. I find it very effective to have "shutdown" remarks: something that stops the behavior, points out and calls people on their poor behavior, but doesn't engage them in conversation or invite their retorts.

hugging Take care.

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