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Just wanted everyones take on this..

Posted by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 8:40 PM
  • 12 Replies

I lost my daughter Ashlynn on Sept 4 2007. She was due on Feb 14 2008. For the first 3yrs on Feb 14 I have made her a birthday cake and put a number candle on it. I won't have the money to get the stuff to make the cake until after the 14 and I'm just kind of wondering if maybe this is a tradition I should give up on now. I've been wondering if it's something I will be able to continue in the future and carry on for the rest of my life. So i guess I was wondering if there is something special that everyone does on the day their baby should have been born or more along the lines of the day you lost the baby and if you've carried on those traditions for a long time? I guess I'm feeling really guilty that I can't make her cake on tuesday. Thank you

Noelle

by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 8:40 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Tatziegage07
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 9:19 PM
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Aww thats really sweet. Im sorry for your loss dear. I know its hard to lose a child. I lost mine two years ago when I was 2 1/2 months pregnant. I saw my first ultrasound when they confirmed no heartbeat. It was early but I still saw my baby on the screen. I just take that day to relax and think about him/her and who she/he would look like and stuff. I think if you feel that making a cake helps you cope on that day of moarn then keep doing it. Even if its a few days late...you are still thinking of your baby.
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ashleyatkins
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 9:19 PM
1 mom liked this

I lost my daughter at 37 weeks, she was born the same night (30 mins apart) as my niece and even though we always have a party for Ryleigh my hubby and I make Amariah (our daughter) a birthday cake. Every year I write "Happy Birthday AJ" and blow out a candle for her. Her third birthday is coming up next month and we'll still do it. I plan on always doing something special for her because its still her birthday even though she's celebrating it in Heaven. I'd go ahead and make the cake whenever you're able to buy the stuff, don't feel guilty you can't do it the day you always have. I'm so sorry for your loss and will be saying a special prayer for you Tuesday.

LysNVantesMom
by Member on Feb. 12, 2012 at 11:04 PM
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How about a balloon?  Buy a helium balloon (they sell them at dollar stores, some are really cute), and let it go to her.  You can also light a birthday candle for a second or two and blow it out for her. 

bluebear4
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 11:30 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss also. It must be hard that the only time you got to see your baby was that day. On the day I lost her I do just kind of take it easy and think about her. Doing the cake does make me feel better because I know in doing it she knows that I haven't forgotten about her. Thank you so much for your advice :)


Thank you for your kind words. I think it's very sweet that you make her a cake as well and I'm sure she really appriciates it. I'm so sorry for your loss too. I know the cake helps but nothing ever makes it easier. I'm looking at cakes to make once I am able to get the stuff for it :)

bluebear4
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 11:36 PM

I do like the candle idea. I put one on her cake and save them afterwards and keep it in a chest I made for her.

LysNVantesMom
by Member on Feb. 12, 2012 at 11:47 PM


Quoting bluebear4:

I do like the candle idea. I put one on her cake and save them afterwards and keep it in a chest I made for her.


We lost a baby girl at 8 weeks, a year ago.  After trying for 3 years, doing fertility treatments, giving up, and getting pregnant on our own...It hurt, it hurts still.  I love God, and am a Christian, but I still struggle with the why's and will I ever be pregnant, and will I ever have another healthy baby? 

On the day she is due, I kind of sit quietly by myself and talk to her, sort of like a prayer, but to my baby girl.  I also light a candle on October 15, which is Infant loss and miscarriage remembrance day.  This year I'd like to start sending her balloons, but Dh isn't too interested in talking about it, he knows I'm sad, he knows how bad I want a baby, but it didn't impact him like it did me.  I feel like he is fine with or without one, so I'm kind of on my own...

Lilypie - (bdl5)

LysNVantesMom
by Member on Feb. 12, 2012 at 11:50 PM
1 mom liked this

Oh and I kind of have a "shrine" for her on my dresser.  On a box with a bible verse written on the box is a dried flower my best friend gave me after my loss, my positive pregnancy test, my ultrasound picture framed, a few cute little things that say Faith on them, and a baby blanket the size of an 8 week old "fetus" (baby to me) that a lady made for me, with a little matching hat.  I look at this very often...

bluebear4
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 11:54 PM


Quoting LysNVantesMom:


Quoting bluebear4:

I do like the candle idea. I put one on her cake and save them afterwards and keep it in a chest I made for her.


We lost a baby girl at 8 weeks, a year ago.  After trying for 3 years, doing fertility treatments, giving up, and getting pregnant on our own...It hurt, it hurts still.  I love God, and am a Christian, but I still struggle with the why's and will I ever be pregnant, and will I ever have another healthy baby? 

On the day she is due, I kind of sit quietly by myself and talk to her, sort of like a prayer, but to my baby girl.  I also light a candle on October 15, which is Infant loss and miscarriage remembrance day.  This year I'd like to start sending her balloons, but Dh isn't too interested in talking about it, he knows I'm sad, he knows how bad I want a baby, but it didn't impact him like it did me.  I feel like he is fine with or without one, so I'm kind of on my own...

I understand how u feel. after i lost her and anyone asked if i believe in god i would say no. the more time that passed i would say yes we just arent on speaking terms. When i was with her dad he never wanted to talk either. He actually just started writing me a few months ago and he recently admitted that he hid and ignored her. I always felt like he did because we had rings made for her and he would never wear his. His friends would always say mean things and he never stood up for her. That's the main reason why I left him. The hardest part has always been feeling like I've dealt with it alone until I found this group and made some really good friends through it. If you don't mind me asking are you currently trying?

LysNVantesMom
by Member on Feb. 13, 2012 at 12:00 AM


Quoting bluebear4:

 

Quoting LysNVantesMom:

 

Quoting bluebear4:

I do like the candle idea. I put one on her cake and save them afterwards and keep it in a chest I made for her.


We lost a baby girl at 8 weeks, a year ago.  After trying for 3 years, doing fertility treatments, giving up, and getting pregnant on our own...It hurt, it hurts still.  I love God, and am a Christian, but I still struggle with the why's and will I ever be pregnant, and will I ever have another healthy baby? 

On the day she is due, I kind of sit quietly by myself and talk to her, sort of like a prayer, but to my baby girl.  I also light a candle on October 15, which is Infant loss and miscarriage remembrance day.  This year I'd like to start sending her balloons, but Dh isn't too interested in talking about it, he knows I'm sad, he knows how bad I want a baby, but it didn't impact him like it did me.  I feel like he is fine with or without one, so I'm kind of on my own...

I understand how u feel. after i lost her and anyone asked if i believe in god i would say no. the more time that passed i would say yes we just arent on speaking terms. When i was with her dad he never wanted to talk either. He actually just started writing me a few months ago and he recently admitted that he hid and ignored her. I always felt like he did because we had rings made for her and he would never wear his. His friends would always say mean things and he never stood up for her. That's the main reason why I left him. The hardest part has always been feeling like I've dealt with it alone until I found this group and made some really good friends through it. If you don't mind me asking are you currently trying?


We are doing the "whatever" happens mode.  I rarely get AF, but this past month I lost about 10 pounds or so and got AF for the first time in months.  I also felt like I was ovulating when I should have been after AF, so we did BD quite a few nights in a row.  Right now my breasts are super tender, like they were last time I got pregnant so dumb me went and took a test:  BFN, uggghhh!  Wish I hadn't, so either I tested too early and my breasts are sore due to being pregnant, or they are sore because AF is coming soon.  AF is due in like 2-3 days. 

I have PCOS and Hypo-thyroid so I'm terrified that if I do get pregnant again I may miscarry again, I try so hard to be positive, but with the statistics so negative and having lost one already I'm scared...

LysNVantesMom
by Member on Feb. 13, 2012 at 12:03 AM

Can I ask do they know why you lost her so late in the pregnancy?  My sister lost a little girl at 18 weeks due to incompetent cervix. 

I know ours was a little girl because being that I was seeing a fertility dr. they sent the tissue to the lab for testing.  It came back healthy female tissue.  So she was healthy, it was my body that caused it, I had very low progesterone...

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