Hurting (just a rant)

[paramore-marie]

Hey its me again, Anna. Lost my twin girls at 12wks on new years day. I can now say, its been a bit easier on me. Mainly because I have a place to vent and people who understand to talk to, thanks to all. You quite literally, saved my life. But anywho, these last few weeks have been heart breaking on me. So much stress from life in general is just piling up on me, and its weighing me down terribly. All I want is my girls back. I went to the doctor the other day, thinking I might've been pregnant again.. all I seem to want now, and I long to be pregnant again.. but unfortunately I'm not. :( My heart aches thinking about who they might've been, what they might've looked like. But when the doctor said its just my body still thinking I'm pregnant that's causing all my symptoms(weight gain, morning sickness, fatigue, etc...) my heart just broke in two. I want to be pregnant again and have all the wonderful experiences, as well as the bad ones, that a baby will bring. All I keep hearing from everyone though is how I should probably wait, with me being so young and all. Even my partner wants to wait a few years at least, if not more, to TTC. It just hurts. Even just a few months seems an eternity to wait, let alone a few years. I'm just so sad and stressed. I got a tattoo for my girls on the 9th, which I absolutely love. It reads; An angel in the book of life wrote down my babies' birth, And whispered as she closed it, "Too Beautiful for this Earth."; With two tiny sets of footprints and two little halos on either side, and an "A" & "C" for their names(Alexandra&Charlize). And I also made a shadow box for them that has my positive pregnancy test, framed ultrasound picture, paperwork from the doctor, baby book from the doctor, pictures of my progressing belly while pregnant, two 'forever roses', and a box of chocolates my brother got for me that is unopened in it. My due date was July 14. I want to plan on doing something special, but still not sure what. Suggestions would be nice.. But anyways, thanks for listening to my little rant. Best wishes to all

[newmom2be08]

I'm sorry for your loss and that you are hurting.  Praying for better days ahead.  Maybe a balloon launch or even plant a tree might be a way to remember your little one?  HUGS!

[Ladybugmama86]

I am so sorry for your losses, reading this it just broke my heart that you are dealing with the loss of two children.

I know what you mean about wanting to ttc again, I really want to, but am also scared to and few people I have talked to them about it keep telling me to wait at least 18 months so my body can heal and everything and that is just WAY to long.... Waiting another 40 weeks just seems to long, I want my baby now, not later.

Praying everything calms down and you don't have so much stress and that you get your BFP soon!!

[paramore-marie]

Quoting newmom2be08:

I'm sorry for your loss and that you are hurting.  Praying for better days ahead.  Maybe a balloon launch or even plant a tree might be a way to remember your little one?  HUGS!

I was thinking those would both be nice. The only problem is the tree or bush or whatever would probably die due to the horrible weather where I live. It snows one minute, and then sunny the next. Someone also suggested making a cake? But I don't like, or even eat cake..

[MommaBoop922]

Im so sorry for your losses... Well since you cannot plant a tree maybe you can get a stone made that you can put in your yard or even in front of a step... just a small one to help you remember and give you a special place to got when you need it.  This helps a lot of women.  Or you can release balloons in their memory.  A lot of women do that on memorial day weekend or pregnancy loss day.  I hope you are able to find something special ((HUGS))

[cali_angel_girl]

((hugs)) i'm sorry your hurting so much hun.  I know it doesn't seem like it now but over time things will get easier. I agree with Tara maybe have a little stone made to put in your yard.  And just remember your not alone hun because we've all been in your shoes and know the pain your feeling so if you ever need to talk we're here for you.

[sarahtessa]

That is beautiful. The shadow box sounds very nice, and so does the tattoo. Have you shared pics of either? I would love to see them.