it's my due date. i've been having a very hard week. i've been thinking about that week of finding out at 21wks 5 days that our baby had died (10/12). then the next day of being induced, which was a very horrible experience for me that i never want to have to go through again. then not having her til the next day (10/14). i keep thinking about how big my belly would be right now and how i would be excited about labor starting and being able to find out what my baby's sex is.
it's been 4 very hard months and i feel like it's getting harder. my oldest son talks about her still and how he wants to go get her and bring her back to us. he's 3 and we've explained to him what happened. i think he sees how sad i am about it and wants me to be happy. i'm very happy w/ my 2 sons. i wouldn't change anything about them, but i just feel like i have a part of me missing since ashlynn is gone.
i know it will get better over time, but i wish that none of us ever had to go through what we all have been through. no one should ever have to lose a child, no matter what stage of pregnancy a woman is in, and no one should ever have to bury their child either. i've only been to her gravesite once and i feel horrible about that too. maybe i can get hubby to meet me there tomorrow or get him to watch the boys so i can go. it's too hard to go w/ the boys. they are 3 and 19 months. it would be a chase at the cemetary instead of being able to remember her.
thanks ladies for reading.
((hugs)) i'm sorry for your loss hun. You don't ever forget your angel but as time goes on it does get easier.
Due dates are hard, as are loss dates. :( I am sorry for your loss. HUGS!
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How are you today? May 28
- mommytobobby
on Feb. 17, 2012 at 12:49 AM