Will I have a baby?
God took our precious angel at 6 weeks when it stopped growing and the heart stopped. I had my D & C at 8 weeks last Friday. Of course we are horrified and depressed. I cry all the time. We were very happy about this pregnancy.
I have additional greif besides this loss. I made a mistake years ago when there were no other options and times were really tough before I was married. I had a (dare i say it...) abortion years ago and it kills me everyday. Now all i can think is that this is punishment for what i did and god will never bless me with a child because i don't deserve one. Why cant god bless me with another chance?
I feel increadibly guilty for crying so much over this loss and asking myself "Did i cry like that years ago?" I did but it was hard to remember as i pretty much tried to block out what i did and surpress it as long as I could. I am not proud of what i did, if i could change the past i would but the circumstances were increadibly against me and i had a overwhelming feeling at the time that it was the right thing to do considering everything.
Will I ever have a baby? Is this god punishing me? I have prayed and begged forgiveness so many times and begged god to look after my first loss as well as my now second. I just want to make it right. But i miss my babies so much. I hate being a woman sometimes.