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1st invite for baby shower!!!

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 2:25 PM
  • 16 Replies

ok..got the mail today...and guess what? of course of the 20 pregnant women I know...someone is bound to have a baby shower...and that's exactly what i got...an invite...this loss really took affect on me and my attitude...once i realized what it was...i can feel myself making a face and then whispered..."im not going!" 5 weeks post my lost...i just had random thought...i thought with this mom to be related by marriage...could have at least called to see if i would want to go and not send me an invite thinking that it may upset me to see it so soon after my lost....do i have a point or am im wrong?

by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 2:25 PM
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Replies (1-10):
DarksMama
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 2:30 PM
3 moms liked this

Seems rude to me, especially if she KNOWS you had a loss. That is cold.

tinyfootprint
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 2:42 PM

just what i thought!!!!

tinyfootprint
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 3:04 PM
Now to top it off...I bring it to my husband's attention...and he looks at me and says yeah....and stood quiet...as if he didn't see my point....I just walked away....I hate what this lost has done...im so angry!!!
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DarksMama
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 3:55 PM

You need to sit him down and explain to him why you are so bothered by the invite. He's a guy, and some guys just don't get it. They get sad for a day or so when the loss happens, but they didn't carry it, so they generally don't understand why it lingers for us.

Explain to him how you feel and why...he'll get it. But they aren't mind readers. To most guys, if we LOOK ok, then we must be. Some guys are different, but most guys take things at face value when it comes to emotional issues.

tinyfootprint
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 4:08 PM
Well I had a talk with him...and he claims maybe she didn't know...I thought I was someone close with her...she came to dinner parties at my house...and even made the birthday cake for my son 2 weeks before my lost....I told him im done....I don't want her at my house again...he said that's over board...and maybe she didn't know...well if she didn't know how wrong it would be to send me an invite then I don't want to be surrounded by insensitive people....I started crying saying I was doing so good...I really thought I was..I was smiling and laughing more...until I got the invite I've been doing nothing but crying....there goes my great day :(
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twinsmummy20
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 4:09 PM

Some guys dont get it. I have had 8 miscarriages and I am pregnant again and went to the ultrasound monday (I wanted to go alone so I had time to think before I had to deal with people). I got home and told my husband there was a heart beat and he said "You say that like your surprised?" I really just had to walk away and tell myself he just doesnt get fertility. He doesnt get 8 miscarriages means SOMETHING IS WRONG. He came to me later when he knew I was upset and said maybe I just dont get it. I dont think they understand sometimes. They are different then us.

Quoting DarksMama:

You need to sit him down and explain to him why you are so bothered by the invite. He's a guy, and some guys just don't get it. They get sad for a day or so when the loss happens, but they didn't carry it, so they generally don't understand why it lingers for us.

Explain to him how you feel and why...he'll get it. But they aren't mind readers. To most guys, if we LOOK ok, then we must be. Some guys are different, but most guys take things at face value when it comes to emotional issues.


TashaLav
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 4:17 PM

I got invited to 4 babyshowers, and I got asked to host 2 other showers...I hosted the one and felt like crying the whole time....then I was asked to host another one....the shower I through together was awful but I couldn't deal with it and felt horrible...my MIL was the only person who asked how am I even able to throw the shower?? I went to my Brothers g/f shower since she is his gf and I left in tears...I started texting people and saying I'm sorry I wont be able to make it to your shower the last one was just too hard since I've lost the baby....and do you think any of them even responded? Nope! I've cut a lot of ties since no one was there for me...and my mom is throwing my shower this time, we finally got a sticky baby, since no one else seems to be able to take time out of their busy lives to plan for mine! Sorry I'm a little bitter about it! 

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DarksMama
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 4:23 PM

Sometimes, people can be terminally stupid. Doesn't sit well with their ignorance either. It almost borders on rubbing it in.

cali_angel_girl
by Amy on Apr. 25, 2012 at 11:08 PM

((hugs)) I'm sorry hun some people just don't think before they do things.  And i'm sorry the way your dh is acting about the whole thing to but sometimes guys just don't understand how hard a loss is on us.

mboss1
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 2:40 PM
Im sorry for your loss. I would highly doubt anything was done with malicious intent. When we have a loss..(I've had two within 6 months) WE are very much wrapped up in our feelings of pain and suffering...I think sometimes we really have to remember and accept that others aren't. I, as sad as I was when I had my mc had to go to a family members shower...it was hard but Im glad I went. It will get easier I promise. I truly don't think anyone was trying to be mean.
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