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I feel completely depressed today. *long read sorry*

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:27 PM
  • 11 Replies

Tomorrow is the 6 month loss of my son, and even though it was early why am I feeling like this? I kept thinking today, I just should have a big belly and craving weird things. No, I do not want to eat and honestly just want to be held. I am young and still in school why on earth am I freaking out about this, and not enjoying life? I have been like this since maybe November (my loss was in late October). I want to kid around with my friends, and be fun. From the day I started Kindergarden to before I had my miscarriage, I was an extremely outgoing and fun person to be around. Now my friends say I am a downer because I am just there and I do not really participate in anything. My boyfriend is strong because I know it hurts him as well, but he wasn't there when I lost him. Last night I brought out the box that I have my son's stuff in like blanket, stuffed animal, and newborn onesie. I sat there and cried. I write poems for him when it really gets to me, and all I can say is I want my baby. I feel like nothing will be the same. )':


~Poem I wrote before I miscarried, my boyfriend is planning on going into the military this year, so that is what I mean by "she". When I read this over again all I want to do is cry, because I wanted this baby after I found out about his existance. Sorry if it is a bit dramatic. /: ~



Mommy and daddy want to kiss and hold you close,
And there are a few more things that we want you to know.
Daddy will be gone for long periods of time,
But it is okay if you see mommy cry.
They are tears of compassion, love and trust,
One day you will understand one day you must.
She is his other love and she is a part of our life,
Do not worry honey I promise it's going to be alright.
She will help your daddy through this please believe,
She will get him home safe back to you and me.
She may be there and keep him for a long time,
But don't worry about daddy leaving he is yours and mine.
He may miss some points in your life,
But he loves you, you are his son and I am his wife.
I try to think of when he will be home,
It worries me and I know you will worry as his son.
What I need you to understand is that,
No matter what and no matter where you will always be loved.
There is not one moment that we do not worry,
About how all of this will affect your life.
Mommy wants to hold you close and daddy does to,
To be honest all we can think about is our future and you.
You will be so beautiful and kind at heart,
You will be a great kid even if you have a rough start.
We want to make sure you can grow and thrive,
I want to give you everything, I want to give you life. 



by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
cali_angel_girl
by Amy on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:38 PM

((hugs)) sorry your going through such a rough time right now.  There isn't really a time limit on grief so just give yourself some time hun and still grieve when you need to.

AidensMommy1026
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:56 PM


Quoting cali_angel_girl:

((hugs)) sorry your going through such a rough time right now.  There isn't really a time limit on grief so just give yourself some time hun and still grieve when you need to.

Thank you! Iy just sucks is all. /: Never thought it could hurt so much though.

cali_angel_girl
by Amy on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:59 PM

It definantly does and I wish no woman had to experiance the pain of loss.  Just know we're here for you on the good days and bad days ((hugs))

Quoting AidensMommy1026:


Quoting cali_angel_girl:

((hugs)) sorry your going through such a rough time right now.  There isn't really a time limit on grief so just give yourself some time hun and still grieve when you need to.

Thank you! Iy just sucks is all. /: Never thought it could hurt so much though.


MorganCandy666
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 11:07 PM
Im sorry for you're loss dear. I have had two losses(2009 & 2010) and still have depressed days. Your friends never went thru it before and they don't understand the pain. All of it's ladies are here to support you & help.
If you need someone to talk to I'm here<33
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AidensMommy1026
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 11:09 PM


Quoting MorganCandy666:

Im sorry for you're loss dear. I have had two losses(2009 & 2010) and still have depressed days. Your friends never went thru it before and they don't understand the pain. All of it's ladies are here to support you & help.
If you need someone to talk to I'm here<33

Thank you so much! It means a lot that people actually know what I am going through and to just talk and others understand. I wish loss upon no one, but I am really hoping things get better. 

AidensMommy1026
by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 1:29 AM
No I am new this year. I lost my baby in October 2011 though. It will be 6 months tomorrow

Quoting BabyBrown102710:

Aidensmom were you in October babies2010?
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BabyBrown102710
by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 1:38 AM
I am so sorry for your loss. We had a lady loose her son at 30 weeks, sorry I thought you were someone else. God will bless you with a baby I have faith that you will get your baby!! Lots of love girl

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Lilypie Second Birthday tickers

AidensMommy1026
by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 1:58 AM
Awh , well I am sorry for her loss! And thank you hopefully when we are ready to ttc it will happen (:

Quoting BabyBrown102710:

I am so sorry for your loss. We had a lady loose her son at 30 weeks, sorry I thought you were someone else. God will bless you with a baby I have faith that you will get your baby!! Lots of love girl
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Lilmzmegz
by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 2:30 AM

I lost my son in october at 8 months in my pregnancy. I understand how hard it is. I do the same things. He would be 6 1/2 months old now. and even now its as hard for me as it was then. As for your friends. They don't understand what you are going through and wont unless they lose a child. My own mother cant even relate to what i have gone through and she was at the hospital with me when I found out his heart stopped beating. My manager at work who has known me since i was about 6 years old knows how hard everything is for me. It only makes it harder for me because I just found out i'm pregnant again. It makes me worry.

AidensMommy1026
by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 12:01 PM
Well I wish a very happy healthy pregnancy. I know it is going to be hard, but you can do it. (: you have all of us.

Quoting Lilmzmegz:

I lost my son in october at 8 months in my pregnancy. I understand how hard it is. I do the same things. He would be 6 1/2 months old now. and even now its as hard for me as it was then. As for your friends. They don't understand what you are going through and wont unless they lose a child. My own mother cant even relate to what i have gone through and she was at the hospital with me when I found out his heart stopped beating. My manager at work who has known me since i was about 6 years old knows how hard everything is for me. It only makes it harder for me because I just found out i'm pregnant again. It makes me worry.

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