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Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support

How do I forgive them?

Posted by on May. 2, 2012 at 9:46 PM
  • 13 Replies
My dad's mom called me tonight to see how I was doing. She does not understand why I'm so upset because I'm "young and can have another baby!" Really?! Then she tells me that something must have been wrong with my baby and I just need to let it go. There was nithing wrong with Wyatt other then the fact her was born at 23 weeks.
So then I call my parents upset. My dad tells me I need to get over it because my grandmother is 85 years old. My mom tells me I need to chill. Really?! I get it. Back in the day you didn't talk abiiy a baby's death and you just moved on. But in this day and age... I mean really? How do I forgive them? I'm hurt and pissed at the same time.
by on May. 2, 2012 at 9:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
sportmomttc5
by on May. 2, 2012 at 9:49 PM
I'm so sorry. I know it hurts. I don't know yet how to forgive people that are insensitive to our situations. It will come with time. We are here anytime you need to talk though.
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LilysMommy813
by Heather on May. 2, 2012 at 10:07 PM
I'm sorry, it's hard when people don't just TRY and understand and be sensitive
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Nee86
by on May. 2, 2012 at 11:00 PM
I really think my grandmother just doesn't think before she speaks.
cali_angel_girl
by Amy on May. 2, 2012 at 11:52 PM

((hugs)) i'm sorry hun some people can be so insensitive sometimes.

JocelynsMama1
by on May. 2, 2012 at 11:56 PM

OMG I'm so sorry! That's ridiculous...it hurts me when ppl say things like "just remember there must have been a reason for it" or "Something was probably wrong with the baby" I dont want to hear that adn I had an early miscarriage...I can't imagine what your going through i litterally would have smacked someone...i don't have any advice or know what to say other than i truelly am sorry

iSMILEheCRIES
by Platinum Member on May. 3, 2012 at 9:32 AM

 I am sorry for your loss.  But I think you are right it is a culture thing, the older they are the less they think its appropriate to talk about things like this.  But you have a right to be hurt, and sometimes I think our parents (and grandparents) forget we are grown ups... in their eyes they probably can't believe you were even pregnant at your age (even if you are 30!) and you couldn't possible understand how a parent feels so how could you be sad about this. I don't think they mean harm but I just don't think they see us as adults with real feelings, you are probably still their 14 year old little girl crying over some boy who broke her heart!  Again, I am sorry you lost your baby, and I am sorry your family is making it worse instead of better 

Ladybugmama86
by Silver Member on May. 3, 2012 at 12:46 PM

I am so sorry!

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
madhouseof5
by Member on May. 3, 2012 at 7:11 PM
I am so sorry but sometimes people feel the need to say something but as said just don't think before they open their mouths

what your gran said is true We do just need time No we never never forget them and nobodys saying you should

just life takes over and its been days when you have not thought about her or you find yourself laughing
but dont feel bad
we cant live in this pain we really do need to move on

its so hard for the older people to understand the need to talk Talk is good

Just thnk she would be so upset if she thought she had upset you

let what she said drop and remember time really is on your side
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Briansgirl11
by on May. 3, 2012 at 7:26 PM

my mom does the same thing to me when i have miscarriage! she was talking about ooo the baby won't make it or the baby will turn out to be special needed.

Heather21298
by on May. 3, 2012 at 7:32 PM

I understand where you're coming from.  I'm still so angry at my family.  We had a service for our daughter, and not one of them showed up.  Not any three of my sisters, not my parents.  Only my in-laws were there and four friends.  When I brought it up to my mom she said "Something like that is hard to go to."  What about something like this is hard to go through?  For us moms going through it?

I'm sorry you're not getting the support you need from the people you want it from the most.  We can't replace your family, but support is why we're here right?  I just try to remember that well-meaning people say stupid, "well meaning" things that they think will help us "move on."  I have decided I will move on when I damn well want to, and I will find people who are able to talk about it with me until then.  I would be happy to be one of those people for you.

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