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New to this support group and hoping this will help start healing!

Posted by on May. 6, 2012 at 1:24 AM
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I am new to this support group  and am truly hoping this will help me with my sadness. Here is my story...

My senior year of college I was diagnoses with ovarian cancer, with no family history this was a big shock for a 22 year old.  After 2 intense surgeries they were able to remove both the tumor and my right ovary leaving me cancer free! I knew that my journey (when I was older and married) to start a family may be an uphill battle, however I never realized how draining and devastating this would be.

My husband and I were married a year ago. We both knew we wanted to have a family sooner than later so we stopped using any form of birth control about 6 months prior to the wedding. About 3 months after the wedding we were getting pretty anxious as the process was not going well and decided to seek out some advice from my doctor. My doctor decided to order and HSG (this test was to see if my left tube was open). Although this was a very uncomfortable procedure, it was great seeing the fluid doing what it was suppose to. My husband and I were thrilled to know that my "parts" (for lack of a better word) were looking perfectly normal and working. My husband and I got to work and kept trying to conceive.

After many more months we finally were estatic to learn that we were expecting!! Unfortunately, a couple of weeks later we lost the baby. This was the hardest thing that I have ever gone through, I was (still am) absolutely devestated. I never would have guessed that I could hurt so badly, my heart felt as it was ripped from my chest.

It has now been 2 months since we lost our little angel and I still cry every single day and am so depressed. I have lost interest in everything. I no longer see my friends and when I am not at work I am in my PJ's and either in bed or on the couch. I am still so very sad!

One of my best friends was 2 weeks ahead of me and we were so excited to have our babies at the same time and go through this journey together and now I can't help but be jealous and angry that I no longer get to experience what I have wanted for so long. I hate that I am feeling this way, I want to be happy for her and be a great friend but can't help but want to cry every time I talk to her because I just want to be a mother.

I am really hoping this support group can help me start working through this pain and anger. I just want to start moving forward with my life. I know if I do not stop obsessing and stressing it will continue to be challenging and I may not be able to conceive.

Does anyone have similar circumstances or advice that has helped them cope with their loss? Wanting to be happy again.



by on May. 6, 2012 at 1:24 AM
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by Amy on May. 6, 2012 at 1:38 AM

((hugs)) I am so sorry for your loss and all that you have been through.  But I am so glad to see you are now cancer free. The main thing that helped me get through my loss was talk to people when I felt like I needed to talk to someone and have a good cry when I needed it. And I haven't done it but I know a few ladies on here have gone to a support group or seen a grief counselor and said it helped them a lot.  ((hugs)) to you and I hope your able to find the support you need here.

by on May. 6, 2012 at 1:56 AM

Thank you for the kind words. I am thinking about talking to a counselor as my depression is starting to have a negative impact on my marriage. I appreciate your support <3

by on May. 6, 2012 at 2:12 AM

I know it won't help how you are feeling now but losing a first pregnancy in the early weeks should leave you with no reason to expect it to happen again :) I lost my first too. My angel baby died at 8wks on March 2nd 2007. I conceived my daughter that June and she was born March 29th, 2008 and I am 20wks with our second child (third if you count my angel)

You will get your little bundle soon. I know how hard it can be. I remember those awful days. Strange but it helped me to shop for our future baby. When I would go into a store and have to walk by the baby stuff, buying a little something was the only way to make it out of the store in one piece. And it was a nice reminder that my day would soon come. 

by on May. 6, 2012 at 2:48 AM

 So sorry for you loss. I hope that you find the support you need here. This is a wonderful group of women who are all very understanding. If we can help you in anyway please let us know.

by Desiree-admin on May. 6, 2012 at 1:03 PM

I just gave birth to my 3rd child (first baby girl) and she was still born on May 3rd, 2012.  Its only been 3 days but I have a history with depression.  Depression is really hard and I am already battaling it again.  But whats helped me is the 2 kids I have already but especially my husband.  But also I know its hard but getting up and dressed and getting out of the house and doing anything like taking a walk can help.  It hurts but I know from experience locking yourself away in your house just makes you more depressed and doesn't help.  Counseling would help also, I am in that now and happy that my DH decided he needed it too.

by Silver Member on May. 6, 2012 at 3:19 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. Have you tried counseling or something like that? I only went once and it neve rworked out after that but it really helped me to talk about it and not with someone that knew me.

My son was stillborn at 40 weeks and I do not have experience with miscarriage but I am praying for you and if you ever need to talk I am pretty much always around.

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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