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Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support

Mother's Day is coming up quickly...

Posted by on May. 6, 2012 at 3:32 PM
  • 14 Replies
2 moms liked this

Mother's Day: How to Cope After a Miscarriage

Mother's Day is Difficult If You Have Had a Miscarriage

Whether the miscarriage occurred with the first child or the tenth child, Mother's Day can be a time of profound sadness, grief and loss. It does not matter if it is the first Mother's Day or the twentieth Mother's Day after the miscarriage; it is still Mother's Day without that child. There are ways that a mother can cope when Mother's Day rolls around.

Thoughts and Feelings the Mother Has

A mother who has suffered a miscarriage may wonder if she is really considered a mother. Yes, you are. Whether your miscarriage was at one month or in the ninth month, you conceived that child and carried your baby for whatever length of time you did.

The mother who has had a miscarriage may feel she did something wrong or is being punished. Things happen and it is not your fault.

Some mothers who have had a miscarriage may feel that although they did nothing wrong, perhaps she is not meant to be a mother or must not be capable of being a good mother; otherwise the miscarriage would not have happened.

Other people may have scolded the mother that she must not have taken care of herself or did something to hurt the baby.

These types of feelings add to the difficulty in coping on Mother's Day after a miscarriage.

How to Cope

When a woman has a miscarriage, there is a frequent reference that she "lost the baby." When a woman has a miscarriage, the baby is not "lost." The mother knows her baby has died. On Mother's Day, remember your little one who has passed away. Talk to your child and tell your baby how you would love to see him or her. Tell your child how proud you are to be his or her mother. Talk to the father of the baby and share your feelings.

Realize that you are indeed a mother. Because your precious baby did not survive does not mean you are not a mother. It means you are a mother who conceived a child who did not live.

Ignore and stay away from those same people who were there after you had the miscarriage who will inevitably be there on Mother's Day. You know the ones. The ones who told you, "You can always have other children." They say this as though the baby was a puppy that died. It is insensitive, cruel and heart wrenching. You want the child that did not make it. Their other line is, "I know what you are going through," even though they have never had a miscarriage.

Share your feelings. Sometimes mothers who have had a miscarriage feel that the baby's father does not fully understand her feelings and the difficulty that the miscarriage brings about on Mother's Day. So talk to a close, trusted friend or family member. Some of us do not have friends or family who can be trusted all the time not to repeat what we say to them. If this is the case with you, then talk to your minister or priest.

Write a note or letter to your baby in your diary or journal. This will enable you to express your love for your baby.

Use any and all combinations of ways to cope on Mother's Day after you have had a miscarriage. You do not have to be alone on Mother's Day. Celebrate it with your baby. After all, you are the baby's mother.

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
by on May. 6, 2012 at 3:32 PM
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Replies (1-10):
alanasmumma
by on May. 6, 2012 at 3:48 PM

 Thank you for posting this. It gave me chills and made me tear up as I read it.

Irene1923
by Tina on May. 6, 2012 at 3:54 PM
Thank you. I've been struggling with the thought of Mother's Day. I have only angel babies and this has helped put the day in a different perspective. Hugs to you.
mylilprincesses
by on May. 6, 2012 at 4:30 PM

 today is International Bereaved Mothers Day. A day just for moms who have lost a child cause we are all special moms to a angel.

http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/2012/05/international-bereaved-mothers-day.html


busyizzybsmom
by Betsy on May. 6, 2012 at 5:04 PM
1 mom liked this

Thanks for posting! I like the part about the baby not being "lost". I still use this term just because of it's popularity and it's easier than saying "died" or what have you, but I agree that our babies are never "lost". I know my baby is in Heaven and to me that's about as UN-lost as a person can get. :)

TiphaniMommy
by on May. 6, 2012 at 5:34 PM
Thanks for posting. Although I have a living child it still hurts to know I wont have my angel baby. I would have been 22 weeks pregnant on Mother's Day. My baby died on Feburay 10,2012 @ 8 weeks pregnant.
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alanasmumma
by on May. 6, 2012 at 6:24 PM

 Amen to that!

Quoting busyizzybsmom:

Thanks for posting! I like the part about the baby not being "lost". I still use this term just because of it's popularity and it's easier than saying "died" or what have you, but I agree that our babies are never "lost". I know my baby is in Heaven and to me that's about as UN-lost as a person can get. :)

 

newmom2be08
by Sarah on May. 6, 2012 at 6:33 PM
Very nice post! Thanks for sharing. :)
iSMILEheCRIES
by Platinum Member on May. 7, 2012 at 9:59 AM

 Thanks for sharing.  I am worried about Mother's Day because...well I have never had a mothers day.  My son is 5 and I have never got a gift or card because I tend to date/marry losers (my new BF is awesome and we have been together over a year).  My BF also has a 6 year old son- the boy has only seen his mom about once a year for the last 4 years and only talks to him on the phone about once every 1-2 months, but he still considers her his mom and not me (I just feel like I should atleast kinda be like his mom since I am the one who is there every day).  And now I have an angel, and I am just sad that this is gonna be my first real mothers day and she won't be here...

KaTrina8187
by on May. 11, 2012 at 4:05 PM

Bumped for the weekend....

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
Ashleysnicholas
by Ashley on May. 11, 2012 at 4:06 PM

Thank you!

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