Mother's Day is coming up quickly...
Mother's Day: How to Cope After a Miscarriage
Mother's Day is Difficult If You Have Had a Miscarriage
Thoughts and Feelings the Mother Has
A mother who has suffered a miscarriage may wonder if she is really considered a mother. Yes, you are. Whether your miscarriage was at one month or in the ninth month, you conceived that child and carried your baby for whatever length of time you did.
The mother who has had a miscarriage may feel she did something wrong or is being punished. Things happen and it is not your fault.
Some mothers who have had a miscarriage may feel that although they did nothing wrong, perhaps she is not meant to be a mother or must not be capable of being a good mother; otherwise the miscarriage would not have happened.
Other people may have scolded the mother that she must not have taken care of herself or did something to hurt the baby.
These types of feelings add to the difficulty in coping on Mother's Day after a miscarriage.
How to Cope
When a woman has a miscarriage, there is a frequent reference that she "lost the baby." When a woman has a miscarriage, the baby is not "lost." The mother knows her baby has died. On Mother's Day, remember your little one who has passed away. Talk to your child and tell your baby how you would love to see him or her. Tell your child how proud you are to be his or her mother. Talk to the father of the baby and share your feelings.
Realize that you are indeed a mother. Because your precious baby did not survive does not mean you are not a mother. It means you are a mother who conceived a child who did not live.
Ignore and stay away from those same people who were there after you had the miscarriage who will inevitably be there on Mother's Day. You know the ones. The ones who told you, "You can always have other children." They say this as though the baby was a puppy that died. It is insensitive, cruel and heart wrenching. You want the child that did not make it. Their other line is, "I know what you are going through," even though they have never had a miscarriage.
Share your feelings. Sometimes mothers who have had a miscarriage feel that the baby's father does not fully understand her feelings and the difficulty that the miscarriage brings about on Mother's Day. So talk to a close, trusted friend or family member. Some of us do not have friends or family who can be trusted all the time not to repeat what we say to them. If this is the case with you, then talk to your minister or priest.
Write a note or letter to your baby in your diary or journal. This will enable you to express your love for your baby.
Use any and all combinations of ways to cope on Mother's Day after you have had a miscarriage. You do not have to be alone on Mother's Day. Celebrate it with your baby. After all, you are the baby's mother.