Went to church yesterday. Went alright I really needed to go. And it was testmony day (which is first sunday of every month) where anyone that wants to share the testmony of the lord can go up and it just seemed most were talking about losses and getting through it. I felt like it was all aimed at me and probably why I felt I needed to go to church. It was hard though especially because there seemed to be a few newborn baby girls and I teared up a bit in church.
And William (my 5 yr old) isn't taking it so well. Ever since we have came home he has had nightmares about Isabelle passing away and he isn't sleeping well. He is doing so great at expressing his feelings to us but it hurts to see him so depressed and down. He won't come to us when he has the nightmares he just curls up on a chair or in the living room on the couch and wimpers or just lays there. We just have no idea how to help him and I can't get him into counseling or child grief support groups because in less than 2 weeks he is going to his bio dad's for 2 1/2 months. I worry about that too especially because he is taking Isabelle's passing so hard. The Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep photographer sent me a few photos for the funeral and luckily one was of William kissing Isabelle and I showed it to him and he loved it. So I put it in a frame for William and he put it in his room by his bed. I just wish I could do more for him.
This morning we went to the funeral home and made all the final arrangments to put her in a National Cemetery since my DH just got out of active duty. Having Isabelle at the National Cemetery makes it all free and they reserved two spots for me and DH as well so whenever we pass we can be with her. I thought that was amazing because I would hate for her to be alone. I was a little sad there but I did well. But then when we were leaving we passed a church that had a funeral procession and I just stopped talking to DH (while in our car) and started to cry a little. Mainly because we are going to have a procession to the cemetery, not sure why the funeral home wanted to do that but we were okay with that. And then we went to a mall to pick out nice shirts for our boys and DH to wear on friday. I didn't want us to really wear all black because that just looks more depressing and sometimes what you wear affects your moods especially on emotional days so I decided it would be nice for us all to wear blue. Because DH would never let me put the boys in anything pink :)