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Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support

i am having a hard time balancing my emotions **pregnancy mentioned and long**

Posted by on May. 13, 2012 at 12:29 AM
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I am sorry I have been here in awhile. I am 9 weeks pregnant and I don't want to scare myself be reading stories about mcs.
Here is my issue. My son died 16 weeks (didn't find out till 18 weeks) back in dec. it has been almost 5 months. And his due date is in less then a week. All 4 of the women that where due around the same time as ethan have had there babies and all are doing well. Which is just a reminder of the fact that I will never get that with ethan.
In a way it is a "blessing" (there isn't a good word) that ethan died. He had a chromosome defect (1 in a 1,000 chance and most those mc early) similar to turner syndrome but for a male. It would have caused him to have physical deformities so he would have been made fun of all his life. He would have had to have 4 open heart surgeries before he was 2. And a kidney transplant before he was 10. So he would have had a hard life. Only 1 out of 100 babis that have this make it out of utero alive.
Now I am pregnant again. I am 9 weeks like I said earlier. And I am excited and scared at the same time. The first ultrasound was on Wednesday. Everything looked good. Next one is on may 30th to see if there is a another defect. I will breathe easier when I can use my doppler and after we get past 16 weeks.
I realize that if ethan hadn't died that this baby would never be. I know that this baby will never replace ethan, no way it can. But at the sametime it is hard to not wonder what life would be like it ethan had lived.
I am trying to figure out how to balance missing ethan and being happy about this baby. How the heck to I do that? Any pointers?
by on May. 13, 2012 at 12:29 AM
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marsh48433
by Lisa, Michigan mom on May. 13, 2012 at 7:55 AM

Unfortunately, there's no magic answer!  You just take everything one day at a time.  As you've already said, this baby does not replace Ethan.  You're allowed to be happy, so when you DO pass those milestones begin to let yourself live & enjoy them!  The fear never really goes away but it does get easier to deal with once you're past the 1st trimester and when you've passed your loss milestones.  You new LO now has an amazing angel watching out for them!  Take comfort in this!  I know that Owen (who we lost in 2009 at 19w) has been looking out for his little sister!  We are happily just shy of 27w pregnant and doing great!  HUGS to you!

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