First public breakdown...
Today my husband and I went to Wal-Mart to get stuff to make dinner. Like any other trip, I asked if we could take a stroll through the baby section (this is the first time I have tried taking this stroll sense loosing Hope). As we turn the corner and turn into the first aisle I froze and could not move. I had to turn around because I just could not do it. I started having trouble breathing and broke down crying. Finally I was able to compose myself and finish, very quickly, and get out of that place.
Its been almost a month sense she was born sleeping and the days are getting easier. But needing to take baby steps to get back to 'normal' is going to be a life long process. Nothing makes me miss her more then thinking about all of the things I wont get to do with her, and I guess seeing the things I cannot buy her hit a sour note too.
I guess next time I am in there I will try to make it just a few steps further because with Hope I know I can overcome anything.