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Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support

What do you do you when a good friend is pg?

Posted by on Jun. 29, 2012 at 11:23 PM
  • 7 Replies

So there's a friend at my church who is also pg and was due about a month before me.  I'm still at the point where seeing a pg woman makes me feel sad.  I haven't had any opportunities to really talk with her in person since my m/c, but I will soon.  Once a month we have to do something together where we visit several other woman in our church in their homes.  So it's lots of talking and socializing.  And back when we were both pg, we would of course talk about pregnancy during these visits.  I know these visits will be awkward now as they'll probably be afraid to talk about pregnancy around me.  I especially feel bad for my pg friend, she's a really sweet girl.  If I were in her position I know I'd feel awful and wouldn't want her to feel sad around me.  If you have a pg friend, are things awkward between you two?  Do you ever talk about her pregnancy with her?  Does it get better with time?  I just feel like during these visits, or any other social situations with other moms in my church, my m/c will be the elephant in the room.  But maybe that's just in my mind?  Maybe others forget about it more easily?  I haven't been in any social situations yet with anyone other than family so I really don't know what to expect.  I really haven't had a friend that's had a m/c where everyone's known about it, though I'm sure they happen like in the first tri.  I guess I'm just blabbering now =\

~Cathryn~ One handsome boy and two sweet little girls

by on Jun. 29, 2012 at 11:23 PM
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Replies (1-7):
karla85
by on Jun. 29, 2012 at 11:29 PM

 It happened to me. My SIL was 7 months pregnant when I had my ectopic, it hurt to see her but not to the point where I avoided her. I only broke down once and she held my hand while I cried. When my niece was born I met her right away and thank God nobody acts akward in front of me. It gets easier with time, now I focus more on my niece (when we get together) than the baby I'm missing. My due date is close and I have been crying but its mostly when I'm home alone and I get a chance to think about it.

I think she will wait for you to make the first move (most people do because they don't know how to approach us), is that's the case just try to talk normal and talk about your every day life. Avoid talking about something that you don't want, most likely she will avoid the topic too. Lots of hugs to you and good luck.

xoNIKKIox
by on Jun. 29, 2012 at 11:44 PM

One of my close girfriends and I got pregnant at about the same time (she was only a few weeks ahead of me). When I lost my baby, I was at first worried about telling her because I didn't want her to feel badly about being pregnant. I stalled a bit so I could make sure I was strong enough. She knew something was up (friends always do!)--and, when I shared what, she gave me a great scolding about not letting her give me the support I needed. That was an eye opener: of COURSE my good friend would want to comfort me! I would do the same for her, if she had been the one to lose her baby. 

When I assured her I was happy for her, she shushed me. Of course she knew I was happy for her and wanted to be there for her, she assured me. But she reminded me that we needed to focus on me right then.

I would be honest with your friend. Let her know that you are happy for her and rooting for her, but that it may be hard for you to talk about her pregnancy, as you'll be reminded of your loss. Especially since you were due about the same time. A true friend will understand and be sensitive. IOn your end, if you feel okay hearing updates, you can always inquire after your friend on occasion. But be kind to yourself.

Take care.

newmom2be08
by Sarah on Jun. 30, 2012 at 10:13 AM

 

Quoting xoNIKKIox:

One of my close girfriends and I got pregnant at about the same time (she was only a few weeks ahead of me). When I lost my baby, I was at first worried about telling her because I didn't want her to feel badly about being pregnant. I stalled a bit so I could make sure I was strong enough. She knew something was up (friends always do!)--and, when I shared what, she gave me a great scolding about not letting her give me the support I needed. That was an eye opener: of COURSE my good friend would want to comfort me! I would do the same for her, if she had been the one to lose her baby. 

When I assured her I was happy for her, she shushed me. Of course she knew I was happy for her and wanted to be there for her, she assured me. But she reminded me that we needed to focus on me right then.

I would be honest with your friend. Let her know that you are happy for her and rooting for her, but that it may be hard for you to talk about her pregnancy, as you'll be reminded of your loss. Especially since you were due about the same time. A true friend will understand and be sensitive. IOn your end, if you feel okay hearing updates, you can always inquire after your friend on occasion. But be kind to yourself.

Take care.

I totally agree with this! 

mom9x
by on Jun. 30, 2012 at 10:24 AM

Cathryn:

It is hard when you are still mornning your loss and someone else is rejoicing. We just want the whole world to stop since yours has. Your uncomftableness is naturql and normal but the degree of awkwardness is determined by the way you handle the situstion and your relationship. Maybe distance is fine for now until you are more at peace with what is. Time does heal and your lucky to have other children!

Thank you God1

blessedmommie07
by Desiree on Jun. 30, 2012 at 5:31 PM

I haven't really been near too many pregnant women.  I've seen a couple at church most there seems to me more newborns now and all around the age my daughter would have been.  I haven't been able to make it to 2nd hour of church yet.  I'm slowly working up to it.  

Everyone at church was scared to talk about my loss too.  I actually love to talk about my sweet Isabelle so I tell them don't be afraid to ask me about her or talk about it.  Because I also like to educate people and bring awareness to Anencepahly (which is what Isabelle had).

Ladybugmama86
by Silver Member on Jun. 30, 2012 at 7:28 PM

 When my son died my sisters had had babies within a month and I had a lot of friends that were due and had babies at the same time. I don't really see them a lot, but when I do I jst think about "this is what Ryder would be doing" or "Wow, Ryder would be so big now" But I actually held my neice for the first time at my sons funeral, she was 2 weeks old. Its comforting to be able to use the babies as 'milestones' for Ryder.

sarahtessa
by on Jul. 3, 2012 at 2:49 AM
My step daughters were both pregnant when I was and have both since had their babies. Another friend was due two weeks after me and she had her baby five weeks early and had over a month of NICU. I'm happy for all of them; that was God's plan for them, and this is His plan for me. I hope you can find a way for it to feel less awkward for everyone. ((hugs))
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