Me and my ex are going to counseling to help me work through our miscarriage. Hes now married, and I assumed he had told her about all this. He had mentioned that she was fully supportive of us working through this till we found some closure but we dont really talk about her because I just dont want to. I still have feelings for him and I just dont want to hear about him and his new wife.
Anyways todays appointment was just plain awkward.
And im not sure how I feel. I kind of want to tell him not to come back next thursday, but at the same time I really do want him too. So heres what happened.
after making a few comments that made me blush throughout the entire appointment and our appointment was coming to an end our counselor told us to turn towards each other to say one thing we find good about the other person. I told him that I appreciate how understanding he has been to the situation. He didnt really say anything and the counselor had started to say that if he was uncomfortable he didnt have to say anything when he just blurted it out.
He told me he loved me. He had never stopped loving me.
At first my heart soared. Isnt this what I had wanted? Him to love me? But then I just got upset. If he truly loved me why did he marry someone else? Since it was the end of our appointment our counselor told us we needed to pick up this conversation at our next appointment on thursday. I pretty much sprinted to my car and drove away as fast as I could. He has called me a few times but I cant pick up the phone. I dont trust myself. I dont want to steal him from his wife I truly honestly dont, which is why I have limited the conversations we have outside of counseling to a minimum or have tried to keep them in front of his sister or his wife. I have tried to keep a distance and tried not to feel to attached. Tried not to lean on him to much for support in this so we can keep some distance. IDK what to do. I feel so awful. As much as this is what I wanted, I really didnt want to do this. Im pretty much set on telling him not to come to any of our other counseling appointments to figure his head out since its got to be all the old emotions coming back, nostalgia and all that not real love. I just dont know. It was just super awkward and idk what else to do but tell him not to come. I dont want to come between him and his wife, I like her a lot shes very sweet. ugh I feel like such an awful person. Lower than dirt :(