Me and my ex are going to counseling to help me work through our miscarriage. Hes now married, and I assumed he had told her about all this. He had mentioned that she was fully supportive of us working through this till we found some closure but we dont really talk about her because I just dont want to. I still have feelings for him and I just dont want to hear about him and his new wife.
Anyways todays appointment was just plain awkward.
And im not sure how I feel. I kind of want to tell him not to come back next thursday, but at the same time I really do want him too. So heres what happened.
after making a few comments that made me blush throughout the entire appointment and our appointment was coming to an end our counselor told us to turn towards each other to say one thing we find good about the other person. I told him that I appreciate how understanding he has been to the situation. He didnt really say anything and the counselor had started to say that if he was uncomfortable he didnt have to say anything when he just blurted it out.
He told me he loved me. He had never stopped loving me.
At first my heart soared. Isnt this what I had wanted? Him to love me? But then I just got upset. If he truly loved me why did he marry someone else? Since it was the end of our appointment our counselor told us we needed to pick up this conversation at our next appointment on thursday. I pretty much sprinted to my car and drove away as fast as I could. He has called me a few times but I cant pick up the phone. I dont trust myself. I dont want to steal him from his wife I truly honestly dont, which is why I have limited the conversations we have outside of counseling to a minimum or have tried to keep them in front of his sister or his wife. I have tried to keep a distance and tried not to feel to attached. Tried not to lean on him to much for support in this so we can keep some distance. IDK what to do. I feel so awful. As much as this is what I wanted, I really didnt want to do this. Im pretty much set on telling him not to come to any of our other counseling appointments to figure his head out since its got to be all the old emotions coming back, nostalgia and all that not real love. I just dont know. It was just super awkward and idk what else to do but tell him not to come. I dont want to come between him and his wife, I like her a lot shes very sweet. ugh I feel like such an awful person. Lower than dirt :(
That's tough. :( It's not your fault though that he still has feelings for you and you are not lower than dirt. HUGS!
it is not your fault , that he finds that good about you :-) he is a married man now who playing with your emotions that is wrong :-( and you can not help how he feels about you. No, your not lower than dirt.
I am sorry you are having to go thru this on top of what had already happened. You are not an awful person. I'd probably tell him not to come. It sounds like he had made the choice to be with someone else. It is not fair to you or his wife for him to keep playing these games. He can't love you both so he needs to figure it out. But he should figure it out on his own. From what you said, it doesn't sound like you've done anything to provoke him or "make" him love you. This is his mess. If it were me, I'd seperate myself from him. Be strong. You can get thru this. This too shall pass.
Everything Parenting! 
Homemaker-Mom
If you two are to be going to appointments together, i would keep it up. Honeslty it is harder for a guy to express how they feel when loosing a child. Guys tend to close up, when women want them to be closer to them, to talk to them, to comfort them. I say have an open mind and allow the counseling to work. Don't close off, because you both need to grief and get thru this experiance.
I would suggest his wife come along or to have separate appointments because you do not want to have anything to do with coming between his wife and him. Sorry this is happening....you aren't lower than dirt.
yeah I mean if he needs the help I dont want to cut him out, but at the same time if its bringing on these old feelings then idk if we should continue to go to counseling together. I just dont know what to say to his wife or anything.
Quoting Inkie1980:If you two are to be going to appointments together, i would keep it up. Honeslty it is harder for a guy to express how they feel when loosing a child. Guys tend to close up, when women want them to be closer to them, to talk to them, to comfort them. I say have an open mind and allow the counseling to work. Don't close off, because you both need to grief and get thru this experiance.
yeah maybe ill call her and see what she says about coming the next next meeting at the very least. Im sure its just the nostalgia of being together and talking about a baby we almost had together, nothing else makes sense at all.
Quoting MamaRamma:I would suggest his wife come along or to have separate appointments because you do not want to have anything to do with coming between his wife and him. Sorry this is happening....you aren't lower than dirt.
The Day My Heart Broke.
- Jennelly92
on Jul. 3, 2012 at 5:26 AM