Today was a really rough day.. Tim's(husband) dad came over and we started talking about the family getting together to go see Christopher to celebrate his birthday.. I've cried since he left.. I shouldn't be celebrating his birthday at a cemetery, I should be throwing a party for him, he should be running around and laughing. He should be blowing out candles... I've tried so long to be so strong but sometimes it just gets hard and i find the pain is just all too real.. I know he is a a better place but that doesn't stop me from wanting him right here in my arms. I miss you Son, and I will always miss you.. He will be three on Saturday!! Will this ever get easier? I am currently 13weeks pregnant with our final child and find it hard to enjoy it because all I keep thinking is if this is a boy will I feel like I've replaced my son? I just want the pain to ease.. It's been 3yrs and it still feels like yesterday that i gave birth to my stillborn son..