Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support

Dont know what to do

Posted by on Jul. 10, 2012 at 12:45 PM
  • 6 Replies

A little bit about myself.  I found out i was pregnant on May 29th.  I found out I was RH- had light spotting all through my pregnancy.  I been put throught multiple testings HCG, make sure i wasnt ectopic, they even thought that my egg sac had no baby then found out i was earlier then they thought.  Well on friday morning i woke up in pain went to the bathroom and passed a clot.  Right after i passed the clot the pain went away but hubby still took me in to get checked out.  My hcgs were in the 18,000, pevic exam looked good, the doctor said everything looked fine just sometimes people bleed and maybe pass small clots but we had to wait to get our u/s results.  Well that cam back abnormal.  The baby hadnt grown as much as they thought it would have but they were able to see the fetus.  I asked well it had to have grown enough because two weeks ago you couldnt see anything.  He said yes and the size may be due to being earlier then they thought but everything measured 8-9 weeks. He also said that they couldnt detect a heartbeat.  that it was a small chance they just couldnt detect it  but more then likely i would end in miscarrage.  Well Sunday at 2am i woke up in the worst pain i have ever experienced.  It took til 4am until my hubby talked me into taking some tylenol and layed reclined on the couch with me.  i ended up sleeping til 8 and woke up in pain again.  That afternoon is when i started bleeding.  I didnt want to go back to the ER because i had an appointment on Monday.  So yesterday came and so did the pain even worse then before I ended up not making it to the appointment and went to the er.  My HCG went down to 13,000.  They gave me pain meds. My pelvix exam should my cervix was tilted back.  It wasnt before.  The doctor said i hadnt passed the tissue and prescribed me pain meds for home.  Well I woke up at 1am in pain again took the pain meds and went to recline on the couch again.  I got up to go to the bathroom at 6am and passed the baby.  It had finally sunk in that i had lost the baby.  I picked it up and put it in a bag not knowing what to do.  I didnt want to throw it away like left over pizza or just flush it down the toilet like a pet fish.  I cried alot with my husband and he asked if i wanted to find a nice place and burry it.  We have a pretty nice park across the street but all the dirt where it was nice was too hard.  Then i just wanted to go home.  I got really upset that we kept calling the baby an it so we chose a name that was gender appropriate for a boy and girl Jayme. It actually made me feel a little better.  I started to feel dizzy and nausous and went to lay down my busband said he would choose a nice spot and take me there tonight.

Now im not really sure what to do.  Ive never been good with showing emotions.  For a long time i was always taught that crying was a sign of weakness and to only show it to the ones to mattered most.  Some of my best friends have never seen me cry.  Ive always been described as the strong one that everyone leans on.  As much as i want to let everything out I also just want to shut everything down and just sit here.  I hurt and care so much but i kno its going to come off as though i dont care.  I just dont know what to do next. Do i start calling family? Do i wait? None of my friends or family have had a miscarrge before so they dont really know what to do or say so it just. 

by on Jul. 10, 2012 at 12:45 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-6):
Angela4boys
by Angela on Jul. 10, 2012 at 1:17 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss :(  I'm not a cryer either, but I've shed many tears with this.  It's not weakness, it's grieving the loss of your baby, Jayme...such a nice name.  A life that deserves the attention and tears.  Cry as much and as often as you want to.  Can you have your husband do the calling of the family, if you can't bring yourself to do it.  My husband told everyone, and handled all the calls, I just couldn't do it, or talk about it.  It's been a month for me yesterday, and I can talk about it now...but I just needed the time to process it myself as it was happening.  ((hugs))

MsWood729
by on Jul. 10, 2012 at 1:33 PM

 So soory you had to go thru all that I'm thinking of you & praying for you.  GOD works in his own time & I'm sure he has aplan for you & your Family inthe very near future.  May GOD give you the strength you need to deal w/ your loss & when your readyt to TTC again LOTS of baby dust to you






Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers


Lilypie Trying to Conceive Event tickers
caitipenn
by Member on Jul. 10, 2012 at 1:38 PM

Im alot better now with emotions.  My husband helped alot with that when we first got together.  My father lives with me so he knows and I called my mom.  She will tell my aunts n uncles.  my husband will call his mom and grandma.  Then its just having to deal with work. The doctor told me i didnt have to go back til friday.  I really just dont want people looking at me differently or treating me differently. I know it will be out of sympathy but i just wnat people hugging me and what not.  When people hug me its when i cry.  And im a receptionist so i cant cry at work.  Just be awkard.

Quoting Angela4boys:

I'm so sorry for your loss :(  I'm not a cryer either, but I've shed many tears with this.  It's not weakness, it's grieving the loss of your baby, Jayme...such a nice name.  A life that deserves the attention and tears.  Cry as much and as often as you want to.  Can you have your husband do the calling of the family, if you can't bring yourself to do it.  My husband told everyone, and handled all the calls, I just couldn't do it, or talk about it.  It's been a month for me yesterday, and I can talk about it now...but I just needed the time to process it myself as it was happening.  ((hugs))


Angela4boys
by Angela on Jul. 10, 2012 at 1:49 PM

You and I sound a lot alike, and I always tell people when they start baby-ing me, "don't give me sympathy or I'll start crying...I hate crying!" they usually change the subject.

Quoting caitipenn:

Im alot better now with emotions.  My husband helped alot with that when we first got together.  My father lives with me so he knows and I called my mom.  She will tell my aunts n uncles.  my husband will call his mom and grandma.  Then its just having to deal with work. The doctor told me i didnt have to go back til friday.  I really just dont want people looking at me differently or treating me differently. I know it will be out of sympathy but i just wnat people hugging me and what not.  When people hug me its when i cry.  And im a receptionist so i cant cry at work.  Just be awkard.

Quoting Angela4boys:

I'm so sorry for your loss :(  I'm not a cryer either, but I've shed many tears with this.  It's not weakness, it's grieving the loss of your baby, Jayme...such a nice name.  A life that deserves the attention and tears.  Cry as much and as often as you want to.  Can you have your husband do the calling of the family, if you can't bring yourself to do it.  My husband told everyone, and handled all the calls, I just couldn't do it, or talk about it.  It's been a month for me yesterday, and I can talk about it now...but I just needed the time to process it myself as it was happening.  ((hugs))



caitipenn
by Member on Jul. 10, 2012 at 8:12 PM

My friends that live here are so emotional and lovey.  There the kind where if they have a bad day they want their friends there where with me i just like to be by myself or just with my husband.  I also just hate being the center of attention.  I know weird for me being a girl.  but id rather they be talking about someone else then me.  And since i can come off as cold i dont want people to talk even more like i dont care. Its kinda hard to explain.
 Im not looking forward to going back to work.

Quoting Angela4boys:

You and I sound a lot alike, and I always tell people when they start baby-ing me, "don't give me sympathy or I'll start crying...I hate crying!" they usually change the subject.

Quoting caitipenn:

Im alot better now with emotions.  My husband helped alot with that when we first got together.  My father lives with me so he knows and I called my mom.  She will tell my aunts n uncles.  my husband will call his mom and grandma.  Then its just having to deal with work. The doctor told me i didnt have to go back til friday.  I really just dont want people looking at me differently or treating me differently. I know it will be out of sympathy but i just wnat people hugging me and what not.  When people hug me its when i cry.  And im a receptionist so i cant cry at work.  Just be awkard.

Quoting Angela4boys:

I'm so sorry for your loss :(  I'm not a cryer either, but I've shed many tears with this.  It's not weakness, it's grieving the loss of your baby, Jayme...such a nice name.  A life that deserves the attention and tears.  Cry as much and as often as you want to.  Can you have your husband do the calling of the family, if you can't bring yourself to do it.  My husband told everyone, and handled all the calls, I just couldn't do it, or talk about it.  It's been a month for me yesterday, and I can talk about it now...but I just needed the time to process it myself as it was happening.  ((hugs))

 



xoNIKKIox
by on Jul. 11, 2012 at 4:13 AM

Everyone deals with loss differently. There's no right way. Some women cry nonstop. Others don't cry--feel rather shell-shocked. Some experience a ping pong in between. I found I was zombie-like and somewhat removed from myself at times--and then I would feel so much pain it felt nearly physical--and I would be gasping for breath, then bawl hard. That was my normal. You will have yours.

If you worry that you are suppressing emotion, you could find a trained counselor to help you through. And, too, it can sometimes help just to talk and share with others (like in our group).

It sounds like you have taken some steps to honor your baby. I hope those steps bring you comfort.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)