Dont know what to do
A little bit about myself. I found out i was pregnant on May 29th. I found out I was RH- had light spotting all through my pregnancy. I been put throught multiple testings HCG, make sure i wasnt ectopic, they even thought that my egg sac had no baby then found out i was earlier then they thought. Well on friday morning i woke up in pain went to the bathroom and passed a clot. Right after i passed the clot the pain went away but hubby still took me in to get checked out. My hcgs were in the 18,000, pevic exam looked good, the doctor said everything looked fine just sometimes people bleed and maybe pass small clots but we had to wait to get our u/s results. Well that cam back abnormal. The baby hadnt grown as much as they thought it would have but they were able to see the fetus. I asked well it had to have grown enough because two weeks ago you couldnt see anything. He said yes and the size may be due to being earlier then they thought but everything measured 8-9 weeks. He also said that they couldnt detect a heartbeat. that it was a small chance they just couldnt detect it but more then likely i would end in miscarrage. Well Sunday at 2am i woke up in the worst pain i have ever experienced. It took til 4am until my hubby talked me into taking some tylenol and layed reclined on the couch with me. i ended up sleeping til 8 and woke up in pain again. That afternoon is when i started bleeding. I didnt want to go back to the ER because i had an appointment on Monday. So yesterday came and so did the pain even worse then before I ended up not making it to the appointment and went to the er. My HCG went down to 13,000. They gave me pain meds. My pelvix exam should my cervix was tilted back. It wasnt before. The doctor said i hadnt passed the tissue and prescribed me pain meds for home. Well I woke up at 1am in pain again took the pain meds and went to recline on the couch again. I got up to go to the bathroom at 6am and passed the baby. It had finally sunk in that i had lost the baby. I picked it up and put it in a bag not knowing what to do. I didnt want to throw it away like left over pizza or just flush it down the toilet like a pet fish. I cried alot with my husband and he asked if i wanted to find a nice place and burry it. We have a pretty nice park across the street but all the dirt where it was nice was too hard. Then i just wanted to go home. I got really upset that we kept calling the baby an it so we chose a name that was gender appropriate for a boy and girl Jayme. It actually made me feel a little better. I started to feel dizzy and nausous and went to lay down my busband said he would choose a nice spot and take me there tonight.
Now im not really sure what to do. Ive never been good with showing emotions. For a long time i was always taught that crying was a sign of weakness and to only show it to the ones to mattered most. Some of my best friends have never seen me cry. Ive always been described as the strong one that everyone leans on. As much as i want to let everything out I also just want to shut everything down and just sit here. I hurt and care so much but i kno its going to come off as though i dont care. I just dont know what to do next. Do i start calling family? Do i wait? None of my friends or family have had a miscarrge before so they dont really know what to do or say so it just.