Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support

All of a sudden my heart broke...

Posted by on Jul. 11, 2012 at 12:33 AM
  • 5 Replies
I experienced my first loss in February this year and I was absolutely devastated. I was 11 weeks, it was my first child. I couldn't function afterwards, I would just break down in tears at least 5 times a day. I cried myself to sleep for weeks. I couldn't stand the idea of getting pregnant again. Then I did. And I didn't even know until I started to miscarry 13 days ago. I had bloodwork done on two Fridays ago and then the following Monday and they called me last Tuesday to let me know my hcg levels had dropped. It was no surprise, I already knew. When I got the call, I cried. But since then, I have felt strangely at peace. I have pictured my children, a boy and a girl even though I didn't know the genders. I picture them as children, not babies, and they are holding hands in Heaven, smiling and laughing. At first I thought that maybe this time was easier because I didn't know, I had no time to get attached to this baby. I don't know, but I have been fine. I have been strong and calm and.... numb, I guess. But tonight, all of a sudden I was hit with this overwhelming grief. I don't know where it came from. I wasn't even thinking about them. But I just feel like my heart has broken completely. I force myself to stop crying but it only lasts a few minutes and then it starts all over again. This pain is absolutely crippling. I just... I miss my babies. I want them. I want them so bad. I just want to be okay again but I don't think these tears are ever going to stop.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Jul. 11, 2012 at 12:33 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-5):
rtenboer
by on Jul. 11, 2012 at 12:59 AM
Find the book Ill hold you in Heaven. I highly recome.d it to anyone who has lost a baby. I read it when I lost my daughter at 21 weeks. I understand where you are coming from. It was completely devistating. She was our first as well.
xoNIKKIox
by on Jul. 11, 2012 at 4:22 AM

Grief is such an odd emotion. It comes and goes. It can delay its visit until you think you've escaped it--then it can hit. And it has no "normal" or set way to be.

Be kind to yourself. You've experienced two profound losses. Yes, you are incredibly strong and I am so glad that you have found peace and comfort at times. The tears will slow and stop--I promise. It will just take time. Give yourself that time and space to grieve and heal.

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

cjsix
by Member on Jul. 11, 2012 at 4:43 AM

  huggingHugs Momma! I lost my first three little ones and understand your heartbreak all too well. It still sometimes hurts and it's been many years now. I have six angels here with me and five that one day I will meet and get to hug and kiss. I know nothing can take your pain away but,I hope it helps to know that others understand and are praying for you.

Angela4boys
by Angela on Jul. 11, 2012 at 12:19 PM

I'm so sorry for your losses :(  Go ahead and let the tears flow, grieve all you want.  You will get back to a new norm eventually, but for now just let the grieving happen hun, ((hugs))

mommyofnoah208
by on Jul. 11, 2012 at 9:17 PM
Im so sorry for your losses. I think sometimes our bodies go into a defensive shock and we dont feel it right away. Thinking of you
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN