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Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support

Lost in the shuffle

Posted by on Jul. 11, 2012 at 11:54 AM
  • 8 Replies

 So, it's been about 6 weeks since we found out our baby didn't have a heart beat and about 4 weeks since my D & C. A few days after the whole ordeal began most everyone has just swept everything under the rug. I've come to to terms with that because I realize even those with good intentions don't know what to say and sometimes it alienates us going through the loss. Anyway, so the last month or so younger sister has been having more and more health problems (more of the same, lupus type symptoms). I'm very sorry and upset and worried for her just like EVERYONE else, including EVERY facebook person we all know, of course. Since she HAD to post her woes to world (grrrrr). SO, even though I'm still hurting and going through something my loss is something of a distant memory to my family. It doesn't help most friends didn't know and only ask about my sister. I know I should not be upset, but it makes me feel like I'm under the ice, screaming for help, while everyone else is skating by and offering a hand to little girl who slipped and fell. I'M HERE! Sigh.......(feeling immature for even having these frustrations.)

Katie

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by on Jul. 11, 2012 at 11:54 AM
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Replies (1-8):
Ladybugmama86
by Silver Member on Jul. 11, 2012 at 12:11 PM
1 mom liked this

 You are not immature and your frusterations are warranted!! It really sucks when people act like your loss is nothing compared to their drama... I know I recently cut my mom out of my life because I couldn't take her always talking about her "sucky" life and how hard she has it yada, yada, yada and she would hardly acknowledge the loss of my son... So I got tired of it and told her I needed space. To which she replied that everything I brought up was because of someone else and I was wrong for letting things fester and get to this point... Same old bullshit from her.

I hope you start feeling better about everything soon!!!

Angela4boys
by Angela on Jul. 11, 2012 at 12:43 PM
1 mom liked this

You are not immature for having those feelings!  I just think unless you've ever experienced a pregnancy loss, you don't realize the impact it has on a person.  Well, we are all here for you, we know what it's like.  I'm sorry you aren't getting the support you need from the people close to you though :(  (((hugs)))

MamaRamma
by on Jul. 11, 2012 at 12:43 PM

 Thanks,

Most days I do alright. I just am tired of feeling like I have to forget my feelings because everyone else is so caught up with this or that. Poo! And, sorry about your Momma.... :(

Quoting Ladybugmama86:

 You are not immature and your frusterations are warranted!! It really sucks when people act like your loss is nothing compared to their drama... I know I recently cut my mom out of my life because I couldn't take her always talking about her "sucky" life and how hard she has it yada, yada, yada and she would hardly acknowledge the loss of my son... So I got tired of it and told her I needed space. To which she replied that everything I brought up was because of someone else and I was wrong for letting things fester and get to this point... Same old bullshit from her.

I hope you start feeling better about everything soon!!!

 

MamaRamma
by on Jul. 11, 2012 at 12:46 PM

 Thanks....

I guess I have to see it they way they do. My "thing" is done and hers is ongoing. NOT at all how it REALLY is, but I can't really blame them for thinking that way. I keep thinking how my mom said the day of my D & C, "this is just housekeeping" because we knew we had lost the baby weeks before. That still stings. I dunno. She had 3 miscarriages herself! BUT she also had an abortion as a teenager in the late 60's....not entirely her choice, but still, not sure if ALL of that makes her insensitive...

Quoting Angela4boys:

You are not immature for having those feelings!  I just think unless you've ever experienced a pregnancy loss, you don't realize the impact it has on a person.  Well, we are all here for you, we know what it's like.  I'm sorry you aren't getting the support you need from the people close to you though :(  (((hugs)))

 

Angela4boys
by Angela on Jul. 11, 2012 at 12:54 PM

oh wow, housekeeping eh?  Yes that is pretty insensitive.  My mom flew in from out of state without telling me, I went in the bathroom, came out, and she was standing there in my hospital room.  I thought it was kinda over the top, but I don't know what we would have done without her (we have 5 kids and I ended up in the hospital for 5 days...so her being there was a blessing!).  My mom had 1 early miscarriage...you would think with your mom having 3, that she would understand...but it doesn't sound like it at all!  Sounds almost like she's desensitized to it?

Quoting MamaRamma:

 Thanks....

I guess I have to see it they way they do. My "thing" is done and hers is ongoing. NOT at all how it REALLY is, but I can't really blame them for thinking that way. I keep thinking how my mom said the day of my D & C, "this is just housekeeping" because we knew we had lost the baby weeks before. That still stings. I dunno. She had 3 miscarriages herself! BUT she also had an abortion as a teenager in the late 60's....not entirely her choice, but still, not sure if ALL of that makes her insensitive...

Quoting Angela4boys:

You are not immature for having those feelings!  I just think unless you've ever experienced a pregnancy loss, you don't realize the impact it has on a person.  Well, we are all here for you, we know what it's like.  I'm sorry you aren't getting the support you need from the people close to you though :(  (((hugs)))

 


MamaRamma
by on Jul. 11, 2012 at 1:05 PM

 I think you hit the nail on the head. She just must be SO desensitized to it. She's gone my whole life like that. Maybe that's how she just gets by. She is one strong woman......glad your mom could be there!

Quoting Angela4boys:

oh wow, housekeeping eh?  Yes that is pretty insensitive.  My mom flew in from out of state without telling me, I went in the bathroom, came out, and she was standing there in my hospital room.  I thought it was kinda over the top, but I don't know what we would have done without her (we have 5 kids and I ended up in the hospital for 5 days...so her being there was a blessing!).  My mom had 1 early miscarriage...you would think with your mom having 3, that she would understand...but it doesn't sound like it at all!  Sounds almost like she's desensitized to it?

Quoting MamaRamma:

 Thanks....

I guess I have to see it they way they do. My "thing" is done and hers is ongoing. NOT at all how it REALLY is, but I can't really blame them for thinking that way. I keep thinking how my mom said the day of my D & C, "this is just housekeeping" because we knew we had lost the baby weeks before. That still stings. I dunno. She had 3 miscarriages herself! BUT she also had an abortion as a teenager in the late 60's....not entirely her choice, but still, not sure if ALL of that makes her insensitive...

Quoting Angela4boys:

You are not immature for having those feelings!  I just think unless you've ever experienced a pregnancy loss, you don't realize the impact it has on a person.  Well, we are all here for you, we know what it's like.  I'm sorry you aren't getting the support you need from the people close to you though :(  (((hugs)))

 


 

cali_angel_girl
by Amy on Jul. 11, 2012 at 5:09 PM

Your feelings aren't immature at all.  And I agree with some of the other ladies those who haven't experianced a loss don't understand how heartbreaking it is on us and that it's not something we just get over and that we need support to.

mommyofnoah208
by on Jul. 11, 2012 at 8:16 PM
I'm sorry :( it really is hard when you don't have the support
Thinking of you
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